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3,095 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well a year ago today (as in Thursday) all my troubles started (got my first steroid shot). A year ago tomorrow, I was admitted into the hospital.
It's these facts that I seem to be sturggling with lately. Every minute of the day I remember what I was doing one year ago that led to the birth of my daughter.
It will be one year Sunday that my daughter was taken from my body.
It will be one year Monday that I met my daughter for the first time and I was allowed to hold her.
Her birthday is Monday June 25, but I feel like Sunday will be my emotional day due to the fact that is when she was born.
Will I ever get over or past these feelings.
I am ridiculed daily over her size. I felt like a failure then and sometimes, I feel like a failure now.

Campbell Avery
3lbs 13.5oz 17.5in

now 13lbs 26in

· Registered
999 Posts
Congratulations Campbell and Ericka!!!

Look at the picture of your daughter in your siggy link....I mean REALLY look at it and then try telling me you are a failure!!! Campbell is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!! So she's on the small side...most micros are at 1....that is not due to anything you did or didn't do!!!

Memories do eventually fade or get blurry around the edges but I still cry dd just turned 18 months. I wonder what she would be like if she had been full term. Maybe in 5 yrs we'll not be having so many flashbacks.

It's nice to have this forum though to commiserate w/others esp. if you haven't many people around you IRL that can relate.

Hugs to you and Campbell...looks to me as though you are doing a wonderful wonderful job w/your little one!!!!!

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2,833 Posts
Happy Birthday! I know when my preemie twins turned one (they are 15 months old now) It was such an emotional day with lots of mixed feelings. The first year of their life was racked with guilt and always worried about their weights, are they growing normal, etc. The aniversary of their home coming from the NICU was also an emotional day as well. It was like on that day, is when I let the NICU guilt go. I felt like we had come full circle with them b/c now they had been HOME, in my care for 1 year. Maybe the same will be true for you as well...

I still worry about their weights. They are long and thin (but not too thin)They are about 30 or so inches tall and Alivea is 20# and Kaytlin is 22#. They birth weights were Alivea 2 lbs 14oz and Kaytlin 3lbs 3 oz. They are good eaters so as long as they are eating and still gaining weight, I guess they are fine...

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10,171 Posts
I dont know if you remember MY post from when Maggie turned one. It could be the same as yours word for word.

I must say that was a very stressful time this year around Maggie's birthday. The good news, it gets a whole lot better. On the anniversary of her being home 1 year was awesome. We were giddy etc and so much happier. (this was last month btw)

We both found that her homecoming was really her second birthday and we can leave the whole birth nightmare behind. For me Feb 14th will never be the same (the day it all started, Maggie was born on the 15th)
and I flat out told DH we will not be celebrating Valentines Day for a long long time.

We also "relived" what you are. Today I was at the hospital in bed, today I was in a wheelchair to go to the nicu because I had an emergency c section two days ago, it goes on and on. Hash it out in your brain and understand most people IRL dont have a clue. Pm me if need be.
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