[cheesestick]

I have a 17 month old daughter, and I feel like I started to become depressed when she was around six months old. My life has totally been turned upside down, and I'm surprised I remained fairly grounded this whole time.

My husband was a business owner at the time our dd was born, so he was constantly working, and was always worried about his store. So I was really the only one who cared about my pregnancy. When our dd was born, I was alone in the hospital from morning till night, until my husband and mom arrived in the evening. The day I was discharged from the hospital, my husband dropped me off, and went to work.

I work full time, and my maternity leave consisted of me being alone with my baby for twelve to sixteen hours a day, with no help even when I had allergic reactions to meds and a terrible flu. I am still very bitter about this, and it is something that will take years for me to forgive my husband for.

When I returned to work, I had an awesome routine going. I picked my dd up, we went home and played, ate dinner, played, bath, reading time, and off to bed. She is a wonderful baby, so she didn't give me a lot of trouble. However, I noticed that when she became more mobile, I was more unorganized. I started to skip story time, and felt like all I wanted to do was sleep. I still feel this way sometimes. Everything became a lot harder as she got older. I couldn't leave the room without her crying for me. She started to refuse to sleep in her crib, and that is when I started co-sleeping, which I still do and love by the way. I just never had an alone moment to myself, especially when my husband was gone from morning to night.

My husband was terrible to me, often yelling at me because he was stressed about his business. I constantly had a knot in my stomach, and almost everyday at work, I would cry constantly when I took my break to pump. I was in charge of paying all the bills, since my husband didn't bring home a dime, so now I had the pressure of breadwinner and raising my dd. We suffered horrible financial situations, which kept me from sleeping many nights.
My husband and I started to drift apart, in which we tried conseling, which he never showed up to.

The best thing that happened recently is that my husband's business failed. I know its awful to say that, but now he is home, and I am making him pull his weight in rasing our dd. We are slowly putting our marriage back together, but it takes time. I guess I finally admit that I do have a problem with depression.

I am overweight, which adds to my depression. I was a little chubby before I got pregnant, but now I am about 25 pounds overweight, and it consumes me. I am so ashamed of the way I look. I never had any time to exercise while my husband was in business, but since his business failed, I started P90X, but I haven't really lost any fat.

Another thing that has happened to me is that I slowly lost every single one of my friends. If this is common, I really wish mothers would warn mothers to be. I never expected to lose my friends, and was shocked when I didn't receive happiness for my pregnancy. My friend who suffered a miscarriage a few months before I became pregnant, constantly insulted me, and tried to correct every move I made. She made me feel so undeserving to be a mother. I will never have her in my life again.

Its funny how at the hospital, the nurses advice new moms to have friends help around the house while you recover. No one came to my house to even see my baby, let alone vacuum my floor or bring me groceries. I feel completely abandoned by everyone, and its no wonder that I am depressed.

So now here I am seventeen months later, and I am overweight, friendless, a constant nose and heiney wiper with bad hair and misfitting clothes, who is the head of the household, and in need of some help. This is not how I expected my life to be.

I am mildly depressed, but I'm not really open to anti-depressants. I am more open to natural remedies and support groups. This is just a rant and introduction to my present life. I am so sorry this post was so long, but it sums up everthing.

 

[Siera]

I couldn't reply without offering

. I have no advice, but I can relate to many things you posted. A couple of things that really struck me was your unhelpful husband and the loss of friends. I just don't get that either. Just know that someone else can sympathize with you. Hopefully someone else will post with some help.

 

[rclaz]

I think that it's easy to put your friends last when you have a baby. But, it's really time to bond together. I'd say to just reach out to a few of them, and see if you can reconnect. If it doesn't work, I'd suggest joining a mother's/baby group. Whether it's a meet up, or yoga for mom's and babies/kids, or playgroup...whatever. Get out there and interact! You need it. I'm sorry to read about DH. Have you tried talking to him?
I think if you really are overweight, as you write, it'll go a long way to helping you feel better each day to incorporate a bit of exercise and healthy eating. It's amazing what it can do for your mood! Omega 3 is supposed to help some people with their mood. We order Krill Oil. We understand it to be the purest supplement. There are other natural mood enhancers you can take, but I'd suggest and appt. with a naturopath if you're interested in a natural remedy.
I know you're hurt and disappointed. But, all the energy you're investing in feeling that way...reinvest it into turning things around for yourself. You can do it!!

 

[readytobedone]

that sounds so incredibly hard. i would definitely look into individual therapy for yourself, couples counseling with DH...and FIND SOME MOMMIES to hang out with. i didn't lose all my old friends, but we did drift apart as most of them are childless, and it just makes it really hard to hang out when they want to go out for leisurely 8 pm dinners/drinks, and i have a 2 year old who's in bed by 9 and can't sit still, kwim?

getting a network of supportive mommies made a difference, a huge difference, for my PPD/PTSD. it wasn't enough in and of itself, but without them, my recovery would've taken even longer. maybe try asking around about playgroups and such. you're a working mom (i'm a PT working mom myself), which makes it harder to make mama friends, but it's so worth it. you can even try meetup.com to find other working mothers in your area who're interested in making mom friends and having playdates.

 

[ChristSavesAll]

Oh honey you poor thing

, I lost my friends when I had my son too, it's hard I remember... If it helps you will meet new friends later and they will most likely be other moms so you will have more support than you ever thought you would.

Sorry about your friend who lost her baby, it's really hard to understand but there is this resentment that you get when you lose a baby, she honestly had little control over the way she was treating you, she was suffering from depression as well. I'm not sticking up for her just trying to help you understand that your friend changed when she lost her little one.

I'm glad you are looking into natural methods to alleviate your symptoms, I did the same and it changed my life!

You can read my story here... Its a long story...