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Discussion Starter #1
My oldest son (almost 12) is in 6th grade. I just got a call that he was punched in the face by two 7th graders. My son and the two boys have been calling each other names for awhile. My son isn't in trouble but the principal said he was shaken up. My son called one or both of the boys "****". It is not a word we use but I know the boys around here use it often. In their school the 6th and 7th graders are kept apart except for in the locker room at gym class.<br><br>
Please give me advice on how to handle this with him. I want him to learn to defend himself in an appropriate way but I don't want him to be pegged a tattle-tale and have teasing or bullying become worse.
 

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In my opinion, your son needs to understand that both behaviors (his and the other boys') were inappropriate. Physical violence is inadmissible, but he also should not have used that word or any similar one. It is not even close to being a "regular" insult and it should not be tolerated. What you have described sounds to me like a "lose-lose" bullying situation where your son started out being the bully and ended up being bullied.<br><br>
The best line of defense is, I think, to avoid being punched in the first place. Try to help him understand that he will be better off if he does not push other kids' buttons, very specially buttons that are extremely painful to have pushed, regardless of the actual sexual preferences of the recipient. If he really wants to do his part to reduce bullying in his school, not only should he not insult other kids, but also not be a passive witness when other kids engage in insulting or other bullying behaviors.<br><br>
Iza
 

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Personally speaking, as the mother of a young man who has been on the receiving end of that language... I'd suggest that you talk to your son about how offensive it is. And frankly, he should be in trouble for it - at least at home.<br><br>
As for school... I tell my boy to walk away instead of trading insults and epithets. Which is what he does. Then if someone else assaults him, there's no question of who is in the wrong. But if he's hit first - he has my full permission to defend himself.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Thank you for responding and I agree...<br><br>
I will talk to him about using offensive terms towards others. I have in the past but it's clear that it hasn't gotten through to him. And your right, it should not and will not be tolerated.
 

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Is he O.K?<br><br>
I'd be pretty mad that two older boys punched my son. I am assuming you only know half the story, but I'd still be mad. I hope those two boys have a consequence for hitting him.<br><br>
While what he did was wrong, and I bet he won't do it again, he didn't deserve that kind of treatment. Especially two to one.<br><br>
There isn't a whole lot you can do, except to tell him to say nothing when he is provoked. Beyond that, I think he should be able to defend himself, but ONLY if he has no other way out. He should try not to get himself into that situation again. He doesn't have much chance against two kids.<br><br>
Don't be too hard on him, I bet he feels bad right now, and he could use a little understanding.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
Kathy
 

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Discussion Starter #7
He is okay.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Thanks.<br><br>
I think he was more shocked then anything but his nose is a bit bruised as well as his ego.<br><br>
The principal didn't say what the punishment of the two boys was but I assume they were suspended.<br><br>
We talked a long time last night about the situation, what he could have done and should have done instead. We are going to role play some situations with him so he can learn how to deal with this in the future.<br>
He is truely a kind, sensitive and loving kid and I believed he lashed out with nasty words because he didn't know what else to do. I made it crystal clear that what he did was wrong and escalated the situation.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>nextcommercial</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10296153"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">There isn't a whole lot you can do, except to tell him to say nothing when he is provoked. Beyond that, I think he should be able to defend himself, but ONLY if he has no other way out. He should try not to get himself into that situation again. He doesn't have much chance against two kids.<br></div>
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We did discuss this. It's good to know we came up with the same advice for him. Thanks.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Tell him next time some little bastard starts shit, look him in the eye, and punch him in the nose. Just go batshit insane. If he messes the kid up, nobodys gonna fuck with him.
 
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