My son is unhappy at preschool

desertrose · Dec 13, 2010

Hi everyone! I'm new here and have a question for those who would like to help..... 
 
My almost 5 year old boy is definitely unhappy at his preschool. He's been telling me this for a couple weeks now, but today it became very clear to me. He tells me he wants different kids and to do different things. He's tired of doing "fun art", he says. He's normally a happy, funny, sociable, exhuberant boy...oh, and did I mention very active? When he was little he wasn't interested in learning to talk....even though he could've....because he was more interested in developing and using his muscles. He was too busy to even notice a TV until he was about 1 1/2. 
 
He's capable of sitting still for long periods of time... but has a ton of energy. The more exercise he gets, the more energy he gets. He loves working hard...physically. Mentally, he likes to sit still and learn, only when HE's in the mood.
 
Anyway, I can only guess what's really the problem here. But I can say that the kids in his class (there are only 4 other than him) are a bit younger. They all look like they're about 3 going on 4. He'll be 5 in just a couple days, and he's quite big (people think he's in kindergarten). I think it's possible that he's not relating to these kids. I know they get to do fun stuff like sing and run around, and sometimes they get to play on the playground for a bit, so he's not totally confined to a chair the whole time. The class is only 2 days a week, for 2 hours. They eat their lunches there too. The teacher has been doing this for 20 or 30 years, and is nice (though it feels a little forced to me), but a little strict, a little bit of a hard-*ss (not emotionally sensitive). They do learn the calender and their letters, they color and make art projects. So I was quite surprised when he told me he didn't like it. He loves art generally, he loves dancing and singing. So...maybe it's just the kids....maybe it's the teacher...I don't know. But I know I need to do something different because I know he's incredibly unhappy there and he's definitely conveyed that to me by now.
 
Does anyone have any insight and/or tips on the kind of situation that might be good for him? I feel overwhelmed and don't know about the different programs out there - but whatever I do, it needs to be affordable.
another option would be to homeschool... and create a very social situation outside of that. But he wanted to go to school so badly that I didn't think homeschooling was the right choice at the time. Plus I'm in a situation where financially speaking it's not the greatest of options. I'm getting a lot of help from my family until I get my kids into school and then I can work. Homeschooling seemed out of the question...but in the end I will do whatever is best for my children.
 
thank you for your help

- Melissa

sahli29 · Dec 14, 2010

I would look for a waldorf or Montessori school.There are some public charter M's that would be free. The private montessori my ds started at was cheaper for primary(age 3-5). Again he would be in a mix of younger kids,but the work/activities might be more stimulating.
 
If you are going to be doing K in public soon anyway then another option would be classes at the Y and/or a local homeschool coop.Both would meet atleast once a week. I would keep trying different places till you find things he likes.Oh another class is library programs and park programs. Again at his age he is often grouped in the 3-5 classes,but some might be strictly 5.
 
I would not make him go to the current preschool unless he wanted too.After a few weeks he must really have a good(or in this case bad) feel for the preschool.

desertrose · Dec 14, 2010

Thank you so much! that was very helpful.
 
I will definitely not be putting him back in the one he's at. I don't think a child should be so unhappy with school, especially at this age. I found a montessori near to me that might be do-able but they haven't gotten back to me yet. And there is a class I can put him in at a park center if I can't find anything else, that is really short time-wise, but montessori based as well. I'm not sure about library programs - I'll look into that. We do have a waldorf but that wouldn't be affordable right now, though when he starts kindergarten it would be free. I'm curious about a homeschooling co-op - that sounds neat.
 
I'm trying to do some soul searching here... it's so hard to know what's best for him and I'm afraid of putting him in another unhappy situation. I'm concerned he may be having anxiety problems. But like you said, I just need to keep trying until I find the right fit.
 
thanks again... I feel better and less overwhelmed

K1329 · Dec 15, 2010

With both of my kids, I've noticed at the preschool age that they "click" with certain teachers, and, don't with others. I suspect it's the teacher. For whatever reason, he's not clicking with her, her teaching style, something. If we're talking about 4 hours a week total, I wouldn't force him to go, either. I'd look around for a different school/setting that is a better fit for your ds. I'd tell him you'll finish the semester (December?) and then do some other activities/try a new school.

freestylemama · Dec 15, 2010

I would look into another school as well. My daughter was at a Montessori and acted out and wasn't herself. Her teachers were kind and the space was beautiful, but it just wasn't right for her. We recently switched to a play based preschool program and she's really happy there. Different kids do well in different settings. I would check into the Montessori programs because they can be quite strict and structured as well. I would also make sure that there was some focus on outside time or physical play because many morning programs have the kids only working which means that there may not be much time for movement or socialization. If he's very physical and social, it might not be a good fit. You really just have to make sure that it's right for your child.

sarahr · Dec 15, 2010

From my observations of play-based and montessori nursery schools, I would pick a play-based school over a montessori school for a kid who likes to run around and do gross motor stuff. At the montessori schools I've visited, the kids were expected to work quietly. Sure, they could pick what they worked on and they could move from work to work as much as they wanted, but it was still mostly fine motor, quiet based activities. I'd look for a school with teachers who understood that little kids are, well, little kids, have lots of free play with enough room that kids can move around.
 
Good luck!

desertrose · Jan 12, 2011

I didn't realize I'd had more responses to this thread until today - whoops! Thanks for the comments - I did tell my son he needed to finish out his last week of preschool and make the best of it and he was fine with that. I DID enter him in a montessori and so far he really likes it. Unfortunately they don't have an outdoor play area but they do have a gigantic play area room with a slide and a kitchen, and a book nook, and all kinds of stuff that they get to play in for a half hour before class begins, and then for a few minutes before I pick him up. He looked happy the first day I picked him up, he didn't want to leave, and he told me he wanted to go all day every day! But we can't afford that! LOL. So far so good. He likes his teacher and I think she genuinely cares about her kids. He's only gone about 4 times now, but I see a pretty drastic change in his intelligence...it's interesting.
 
I did see a problem today when I dropped him off. A couple of the boys rejected him when he walked up to them and they rudely told him - why don't you go over there? My son ignored that and decided he was going to join them anyway and I think it went OK. I wanted to interfere but I decided it best not to. I feel so sad about him being rejected like that. I don't like seeing such mean natures in kids and I haven't run into this at any of his classes he's been in before. He gets along real well with girls, but we've run into some situations where boys flat-out reject him, though not always. My son is very sweet and friendly and likes to play with anyone. Is this just a boy thing?

freestylemama · Jan 12, 2011

No, it's not just a boy thing. My daughter was regularly told by children at her Montessori that, "they weren't her friend" or that "they didn't like her". I think it's somewhat typical of preschoolers to say these things. I expected her teacher to intervene and correct the children when they said these things, but she didn't. At her current preschool the teachers are much more hands on and will ask children to use kind words.

nanette0269 · Jan 12, 2011

If a teacher overheard that, it should be addressed. Maybe it is addressed immediately, maybe it is addressed later on. In most montessori's, the teacher usually tries to sit the chidlren down and understand what they do and do not like about other person....more talking it out to find the cause of the disturbance. 
 
I'm so glad you found a good fit though...I love our montessori and can easily expect to be there until the kids are in 8th grade and/or until we cant afford it!

Owen'nZoe · Jan 13, 2011

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by desertrose <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285293/my-son-is-unhappy-at-preschool#post_16180768"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-right:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-bottom:0px solid;"></a> I did see a problem today when I dropped him off. A couple of the boys rejected him when he walked up to them and they rudely told him - why don't you go over there? My son ignored that and decided he was going to join them anyway and I think it went OK. I wanted to interfere but I decided it best not to. I feel so sad about him being rejected like that. I don't like seeing such mean natures in kids and I haven't run into this at any of his classes he's been in before. He gets along real well with girls, but we've run into some situations where boys flat-out reject him, though not always. My son is very sweet and friendly and likes to play with anyone. Is this just a boy thing? 
</div>
</div>
 
For us, the meanness hit when my son hit kindergarten. He is also a very sweet, friendly boy and also faced more rejection from other boys. In our case, I think it was largely because his interests didn't line up very well with theirs. He's now in first grade, and has a small, core group of boy friends and a larger sphere of girl friends, and it doesn't seem to matter to him that, say, 80% of the boys don't want to hang out with him. Honestly, it seems like the rejection was far harder on me (I'm embarrassed of how many sleepless nights I've had over it - ugh!), than it was on him. As torn up as I was about it, I always tried to remain upbeat and supportive and not make a big deal about it, and the kids were generally able to work it out themselves. It sounds like your son did a great job of doing just that!

bobandjess99 · Jan 15, 2011

My kid who "wanted to go to school so badly" also turned out not to like it very much, and after a lot of requests, we took her out, and she is LOVING it at home

desertrose · Jan 15, 2011

freestylemama - I'm sorry your daughter was treated that way as well. It's just terrible I wish I could shelter my kids from these sorts of things... I don't want my kids to learn to treat others so poorly. But we all have to deal with mean people from time to time.
 
Owen'nZoe - I think your right - it bothers me way more than him! He sure did handle it as good as one could- just the same way when I say something he doesn't agree with it and just lets it roll off his shoulders like I didn't say anything at all. !! lol.
 
I talked to him about what happened after school that day and he'd completely forgotten about it! He told me it was only those 2 boys who were mean, that all the girls were nice, and some of the boys were nice. So I was happy to hear that. 
 
nanette - I don't think anyone overheard it at the time, it was in the playroom, not in the classroom, so there's a little less supervision there, and a different teacher was in charge and not in the room at the time. I don't know how his own teacher handles such things but I DO intend on opening up a discussion about it with her when she has a moment to talk.
 
bobandjess - that's so funny... yeah my son got to see his older cousin go off to school and he thought it was this grand place to go... I know there's a sense of disappointment in finding out what school is really about... glad to hear yours is loving it at home. It's wonderful when parents listen to their child's needs. I certainly didn't grow up that way. I want my kids to grow up happy, fulfilled, and able. I don't want them to think that life is about being miserable every darn day. 
 
 
He's still coming home happy. Oh, and his behavior when he comes home is WAY different than it was with his old preschool. He used to act out real bad when he got home. Now he's perfectly himself, satisfied and contented.
 
 
Thanks mamas!

My son is unhappy at preschool

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