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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
ds is 4 (today!). when he was 18 months or so, we were friends with our neighbors, and they had a 3 yo girl. despite the age difference, they loved to play together, until ds was 2.5 and she was 4 and they moved away. she a very bossy little girl, and he'd do whatever she said.

now, we have a new neighbor, a girl 1 year older. she is VERY bossy and of course ds adores her and does whatever she says. there is also a girl like this at his preschool, and though i love her to pieces, she bosses him around and he--you guessed it--does everything she says.

so what's up with this? i didn't want to derail the picking their friends thread for my question, but it's kind of similar. i'm not sure that it's healthy, and it's interesting to me that he picks these girls as his closest friends, when he has others he could choose.
 

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Boy, have a got a girl for your son! She's our Neighbor Girl who has taken such a beating in the Choosing Their Friends thread!

No, seriously, I understand your concern. It's one of the things I notice about my little DD, too. In her relationship with her older sister, little DD is the more forceful of the two. More outspoken, more bossy, harder nosed. But out in the bigger world, she seems to have a natural attraction to bossier kids who like to run the show even more than she does. Maybe it gives her a thrill to play a different role outside the family. Maybe it's nice to have someone else make all the decisions.

Maybe your son is fascinated with the fact that these are girls, and that they're older. The differences alone could be attractive to him. Or maybe he got used to the first bossy girl and finds it a comfort to have found a similar relationship since she left. (This is my big fear: That DD will get used to being verbally outmaneuvered and will seek relationships like that her whole life.)

Being right in the thick of it, I'm probably way too close to this topic right now to be a good resource, but I couldn't resist posting anyway. I'll be lurking!
 

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(This is my big fear: That DD will get used to being verbally outmaneuvered and will seek relationships like that her whole life.)
mine too!!!

Quote:
Being right in the thick of it, I'm probably way too close to this topic right now to be a good resource, but I couldn't resist posting anyway. I'll be lurking!
:LOL that's exactly how i was with your thread. i've definitely been lurking on it though.

i can empathize with our kids because i've been there. i remember being in relationships...holy sh**, i'm still dealing with this...i always become friends with toxic people. i even have a thread about it! and here is my son, loving these bossy girls.

sigh.
 

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Ok, I have no experience with this, except that my dd is um...slightly bossy. I like to think of it as opinionated.


I have a theory that she is like this because she likes to know what is happening and having a plan so she choses to start one. I think that life can be pretty disconcerting for small children, so much new, interesting stuff to explore, first relationships all over the place etc. I think it is natural to want to have some control over one's life.

Maybe kids just explore this control in different ways, sometimes they can be bossy and sometimes they listen to others. Perhaps your son finds the "instructions" make it easier for him to be in the situation because it gives him parameters for the relationship or activity. It doesn't sound like he is being pushed around. He is choosing to listen. He is choosing the friend. He is choosing the time limits he spends with them. Maybe this is just a phase and a method of dealing with relationships that he will evolve out of.

Maybe it is a good sign, if you give him a lot of control over decisions, choices, chances to be assertive, etc at home he is just using his friends to explore these other aspects.

As long as my daughter is not manipulating people I let it go, if your son is not being "used" I do not see it as negative. Sometimes the best leaders are people who spend time observing and then decide to lead.

I could be way off here, just a thought.

lula
 
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