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I have a 9 month old little guy and I am VERY out spoken about my stance on RIC. However, I am in the process of moving to the place where my son will probably grow up and spend many years. I was talking to a good friend of mine about all this ( she is NO WHERE close to having kids, but very open minded and we talk about it a lot), and she made this comment and I really took it to heart. She said your sons is going to be like " MOM...can we please not talk about my penis anymore"

I started to think about his privacy. I tried to put myself in his shoes and decided that I would NOT be happy if my parents had discussed my private areas with everyone they met. Just a thought. Any one else feel this way?
 

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My boys (ages 9 and 5) - at least the 9-year-old understands a bit better- that I run a site on circ and that I help out at a booth at the Art Fair every year on circ. So its the subject in general that I'm speaking of, not their penises. I might say "My 9-year-old is not yet completely retractable, as far as I know." or something similar for informational purposes about age ranges of retraction, but its not like I have photos of his penis and say "Look at my eldest's penis!" In fact, there is abook out there "The Joy of Being a Boy". A small book that I had to special-order back in 1998 and which now is nearly impossible to find. It has pictures and easy-to-read text about foreskins and being able to retract and what that means. I guess in case you want to read it to your son intead of tell him this at bathtime. Anyway, I found the book just yesterday and handed it to him. He took one look at the cover with the naked boy, and flung it back at me without saying a word. As if that did not interest him one iota. In fact, the book has been criticised as being pornographic because of its cover and because all the photos are of children (of course its FOR children about retraction, but...) I got it when my son was only 9 months old and apparently well its an artifact now, but not needed after all.
 

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I think there may be something to that concern, but it's not like you're telling someone about a genital problem he had, only that he's normal. I sort of see it as sharing other parenting experiences so people have something to relate to. If I tell someone I breastfed my son, I don't really think about how it might embarass him for people to know he suckled on his mother as a baby/toddler, you know? It's normal, it's natural, and if we want to change our twisted culture other parents need to know that they won't be alone.

Jen
 

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I look at it like this, everyone past a certain age knows what male and female genitals look like. Of course, here in America most people are wrong when they think of normal male genitals. What I'm saying, is that no one needs any assistance (for lack of a better word) in imagining what your son's, or any other man's penis looks like. If you never mentioned him being intact, they'd just fill in the mental blank with him being circumcised--just like probably every other penis they've ever seen.

~Nay
 

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I think you are absolutely right. I was embarrassed enough by my mother as a pre-teen and adolescent. I can only imagine how much worse it would have been if she'd been discussing something like that with others. And in front of me. Yikes!
 

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I woulden't embarrass my 7yo by referring to his penis or the status of his penis is his presence. I don't worry about it around my 4mo son though since he's only 4mo and too young to be embarrassed.
 

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Every so often it occurs to me that someone who reads my bumper sticker and then sees me taking my son in/out of the vehicle is going to think, "So that kid has a foreskin. Huh." As long as no one comes and asks me to SEE it, I'm okay with them having that much knowledge about him.


Quote:
I think there may be something to that concern, but it's not like you're telling someone about a genital problem he had, only that he's normal.
I do discuss my son's hypospadias openly and many people know that he has had one surgery and another is imminent. I don't ever want him to feel it's something that had to be "hidden" or for people to think we are being secretive about it because we're embarrased or something. When he's older (he's only 19 months now) I can't ever see anyone, save perhaps his urologist or an intimate partner, asking him how he's doing. More likely they would ask me, kwim?
 

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As he gets older it might be good to try to transition to talking about general penises rather than his penis when he's around. I can't think of an example, but try to steer conversations in that direction, kwim?
 

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Oh, yeah, this is definitely a concern of mine!!! My two intact sons are grown men now, and I don't want to embarrass them. Therefore, I never use my real name nor their names on this message board. I refer to them as my older ds and my younger ds.
 

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I don't think we have to talk specifics about our sons' genitals all the time to be intactivists, but I would much rather run the risk of my ds one day being embarrassed that I try to protect other boys from circumcision than be silent to preserve his feelings and perhaps miss an opportunity to save another baby from the knife.

I think the embarrassment we as Americans have about the normal penis, normal genitals in general, and sex is a large reason that circumcision persists. It's "down there," and we don't talk about "down there" because it's dirty, secret, and embarrassing. It's embarrassing to bring up the fact that circumcision impairs sexual function, because we don't like to talk about sex and we certainly don't like to think of pure, innocent babies someday growing up to have s-e-x.

If we don't break the code of silence, though, the suffering of millions of baby boys continues.

I think it's the same thing with breasts and breastfeeding -- because we as a culture associate them primarily with sex, somehow breastfeeding is seen as dirty, shameful, or at best slightly titillating, and there are many women who don't breastfeed because of these attitudes. We need to change our attitudes about the normal human body and what it's designed to do, not continue to cower in shame before the altar of American Puritanism.
 

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I guess I don't worry about it too much, because I rarely talk bout my ds's penis in my intactivism. I say I'm against it, but that doesn't necessarily tell people anything about my kids. Maybe I learned about it after the fact. I think I would be more concerned if I did have regrets about having circumcised my son, but as it stands, I'm fine talking about it, since I didn't have him cut.
 

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I can see her reasoning.............but............ I hoep that I can raise him to help in the stance against RIC.. My brother isn't circed and we son't have conversations about his penis, but we do talk about circumcision. I am pretty sure that he knows that I know that he is intact but we don't come right out and talk about individuals by name. I do remember him saying how cool it was that I am so open agaisnt my oppsition in it and that he will never do it if he has a son. ANd he calle dme to tell me abou the articale in Playboy, ( he actually READS the articals
)

I guess I am saying, I think if he grows up seeing it normilzied he wouldn't be horrified by it. If that makes any sense.
 

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I have to say I've actually felt a little odd about mentioning various family members penises here. I will mostly b/c I figure non of you all are ever going to meet any of them and go "I've heard you, you and you are intact, but that you got circ'd." I don't really bring up which family member is what IRL.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Quirky View Post
I don't think we have to talk specifics about our sons' genitals all the time to be intactivists, but I would much rather run the risk of my ds one day being embarrassed that I try to protect other boys from circumcision than be silent to preserve his feelings and perhaps miss an opportunity to save another baby from the knife.

I think the embarrassment we as Americans have about the normal penis, normal genitals in general, and sex is a large reason that circumcision persists. It's "down there," and we don't talk about "down there" because it's dirty, secret, and embarrassing. It's embarrassing to bring up the fact that circumcision impairs sexual function, because we don't like to talk about sex and we certainly don't like to think of pure, innocent babies someday growing up to have s-e-x.

If we don't break the code of silence, though, the suffering of millions of baby boys continues.

I think it's the same thing with breasts and breastfeeding -- because we as a culture associate them primarily with sex, somehow breastfeeding is seen as dirty, shameful, or at best slightly titillating, and there are many women who don't breastfeed because of these attitudes. We need to change our attitudes about the normal human body and what it's designed to do, not continue to cower in shame before the altar of American Puritanism.
:

As teenagers or adolescents, weren't we all mortified by something our parents did or said? And as adults, didn't we wind up agreeing with them and doing the same thing, or at least appreciating where our parents were coming from?

As a very wise person once said, "For my parents to have been so stupid when I was 17, they sure had managed to learn a lot by the time I was 21".
 

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Alot of ppl are like that when i discuss circumcision & foreskin and I'm like I'm not talking about my son's penis personally.

I know how it is to speak of privates and I hated it because my family women always laughed at my juggling bbs they made a comment every single time even in restaurants & i told them do not talk about my bbs like I do not like that they go no one can hear.

I was so annoyed & so embrassed by it that i wore the baggiest shirts ever.

I might say oh Brendan has had no problems and he's not circ'ed.
 

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I speak to other parents about circ in general and I do mention that my boys are all intact. The oldest is 6. I would NEVER discuss his penis in front of him or in front of his friends/peers. When I was growing up, I'm sure my mom told her friends that I had started my period or developed breasts, but as long as I didn't know about it, it didn't matter.
 
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