Mothering Forum banner

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
107 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
<p>So I suppose I could have added to several separate threads on this subject, but it feels better to have it all in one place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The night of the 23rd i had some very light pink-tinged discharge when i wiped before bed, no cramping. E-mailed my MW, thinking perhaps i was dealing with a yeast infection causing my cervix to bleed, or maybe i had some warts that bled when i wiped (got them when pregnant with DD but they went away after her birth).</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Woke up at 4 am cramping, but thought i needed to poo cuz of the chinese food we had for dinner the night before. as soon as i sat down on the toilet blood just started pouring out. i was shocked. i was up for a few hours trying to decided what to do & get comfortable, i kept going to the bathroom to assess the bleeding & hoping i'd just have diarhea & find the bleeding had stopped. didn't want to call my MW in the middle if the night or wake DH, from what i'd read there was nothing anyone could do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>so finally about 6 am i went back to bed, i knew i'd need my rest & the cramping felt better when i lay down. i got up at 7:30 & called the midwife. i knew i was losing this baby. she confirmed my fears, said it wasn't for sure since i hadn't passed tissue yet, but from the color of the blood & the cramping it was likely. so i text my mom, the church prayer chain & woke DH.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>DD had an appointment with the eye specialist that afternoon, i didn't want to reschedule because it takes 3 months to get an appointment. so we went. the whole morning i was still cramping off & on, & bleeding. but i had passed little bits of tissue, & having not gone through this before, i had thought the baby had already passes. i was mistaken.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>after DD's appointment we went to the MIL's house. i felt like i was bleeding through my pad so i went into her bathroom & as soon as i sat down i felt something come out of me, like when you pass the placenta but on a much smaller scale. i was shocked, stood up, saw a big blob, realized it was the baby & tried to reach in & get it out. but MIL has an older house & the way the plumbing's set up the baby slid down the pipe so far & disappeared. i couldn't get it out. i had no choice but to flush.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thanksgiving was really hard, DH had to work til 3 so i was alone at the MIL's family gathering most of the day. we had just told everyone 3 days before that we were expecting. the original plan was to tell everyone on Thanksgiving day. i have mixed feelings that we told everyone early. if we hadn't announced it, noone would have ever had to know. but everyone was so excited & i think maybe they were more understanding about the loss since they did know about the baby. it's kind of interesting to me the different reactions people have. for some it was like the elephant in the room, they didn't talk about it & pretended it didn't happen. some asked me how i was doing & listened if i wanted to talk. & then there were some who asked how i was but then i wished they'd kept their mouth shut, what they had to say was well-meant but NOT helpful in the slightest. "well at least it was early" true, but doesn't make it better. "well maybe you're not supposed to have another kid" shut the * up. "well, atleast you know you can get pregnant, so just try again." are you KIDDING me?! my sister-in-law's stayed very close to me throughout the day, they are both very outgoing people, so they fended off most of the unwanted attention, looked after DD for me, & made sure i had what i needed. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>so today is day 6 after the loss. i have times when i feel ok, times when i even feel happy & thankful for the 3 weeks i had with the baby (not counting the TWW). but each time i feel like i'm finally doing better, i come back around to grief. i'm fighting depression. my husband & 2 year old are still here & they need me. i'm trying to be strong for them while still dealing with the grief. i know it has to be dealt with.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we were going to do this pregnancy with a more hands-off, non-medical, way - homebirth with a MW & all. but i can't shake the feeling that there's one more suprise, one more unexpected turn to this whole ordeal. i asked the MW if it's possible i had twins, even though it's not in my family history, & if maybe i only lost 1. i know i was just grasping at hope. she said it's not likely this early that i'd only lose 1. ofcourse i've been google-ing all possible scenarios. probly not the best thing to be doing. so i finally put a call into my obgyn, i'm waiting for the nurse to call me back & tell me what the dr. usually does in this situation. i don't want a bunch of bloodwork & exams unnecessarily, but i guess i'm just hoping maybe she'll order an ultrasound for me so i can SEE there's nothing inside me anymore. atleast i'd know.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>i've started BBT'ing again. anyone with a similar experience, here's  my chart:   <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/31b61f" target="_blank">http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/31b61f</a></p>
<p>i still have bouts of nausea, am so completely exhausted by evening time. it's really hard to shower & get dressed, my boobs had already started growing, & my tummy getting rounder (mostly gas i know, but DD did a pretty good job stretching everything out for those who would come after her). now i have pregnant boobs & a flat belly. i HATE it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>so this is my story. if you've had a similar experience i'd love to know. & if you have any opinion on if i should try to see the dr. though i am still communicating with my MW, i'd like to know that too.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
107 Posts
Discussion Starter #2
<p><strong>UPDATE:</strong></p>
<p>after an emotional afternoon of playing phone tag with the obgyn's office, the verbally abusive nurse told asked how i really knew i had a miscarriage & if i was really ever pregnant in the first place. i wasn't allowed to talk to the doctor, who wouldn't schedule me an ultrasound or an exam until i had the bloodwork done she wanted (blood serum beta test & a thyroid test). i told them no.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>next my MW suggested i try getting an ultrasound at one of the pregnancy resource centers locally. again, i was accused of neglecting my tiny baby by not going to the ER immeditaley or rushing to get the bloodwork done that the doctor requested. blah, blah, blah the lady accused me of abusing the free services of the clinic, etc. finally, in tears, i hung up on her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>in the end, my MW was able to get me into the local hospital for a trans-vaginal ultrasound. there is noone & nothing left inside me & i WAS pregnant, & i DID have a miscarriage. they checked my ovaries & tubes & kidneys & everything's ok.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>it gave me such peace to see my empty uterus, strangely. i know it's over & life can go on.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,064 Posts
<p>I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you were able to get in for an u/s and the confirmation that everything is out so you can move on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The grief tends to come and go, that's normal. After my losses, I was pretty much ok for a week, and then I had a week where I'd be fine one minute and bawling the next, and then I'd be fine again. It sucks, and it's hard to deal with, but it does get better in time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hugs and healing to you, mama.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
667 Posts
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Mohawk Mamma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282346/my-story-of-loss-at-5-weeks#post_16080859"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p><strong>UPDATE:</strong></p>
<p>after an emotional afternoon of playing phone tag with the obgyn's office, the verbally abusive nurse told asked how i really knew i had a miscarriage & if i was really ever pregnant in the first place. i wasn't allowed to talk to the doctor, who wouldn't schedule me an ultrasound or an exam until i had the bloodwork done she wanted (blood serum beta test & a thyroid test). i told them no.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>next my MW suggested i try getting an ultrasound at one of the pregnancy resource centers locally. again, i was accused of neglecting my tiny baby by not going to the ER immeditaley or rushing to get the bloodwork done that the doctor requested. blah, blah, blah the lady accused me of abusing the free services of the clinic, etc. finally, in tears, i hung up on her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>in the end, my MW was able to get me into the local hospital for a trans-vaginal ultrasound. there is noone & nothing left inside me & i WAS pregnant, & i DID have a miscarriage. they checked my ovaries & tubes & kidneys & everything's ok.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>it gave me such peace to see my empty uterus, strangely. i know it's over & life can go on.</p>
</div>
</div>
<br><br><p>OMG - I hope you find a new OB. And I'm <em>extremely</em> sorry that the pregnancy resource center treated you that way. That really pisses me off. I almost expect that kind of stuff from the medial establishment, but for one of the Pro-Life community to act that way is unacceptable.</p>
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>mom-to-jj</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282346/my-story-of-loss-at-5-weeks#post_16084837"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you were able to get in for an u/s and the confirmation that everything is out so you can move on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>The grief tends to come and go, that's normal. After my losses, I was pretty much ok for a week, and then I had a week where I'd be fine one minute and bawling the next, and then I'd be fine again. It sucks, and it's hard to deal with, but it does get better in time.</strong></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hugs and healing to you, mama.</p>
</div>
</div>
<br><br><p><span><img alt="yeahthat.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/yeahthat.gif"> I'd like to say that all will be well, and I suppose maybe someday it will be, but I haven't reached that point yet so I can't give you an idea of when it will be. Some days are good, some days find my sobbing on the bathroom floor.</span> <span><img alt="hug2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif"></span></p>
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top