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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So here's the deal... my 2.5 yo will not stop hitting, pushing and laying on, his 8 month old brother!! Every time I turn a round DS1 has done something hurtful to DS2.
I am blue in the face from asking, telling and now yelling at him to STOP!!! As I write this he is trying to wrap something around the baby's neck!!! I am soooo angry at him so much of the time!! Please help!! I have tried time ins, removing the toy, object, etc. I have had calm talks about respecting the baby and every one, to all out yelling STOP STOP STOP, NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!! What should I do/ not do??? I feel like I'm only making it worse no mater what I try!! HELP!!!!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by lauralwreath
So here's the deal... my 2.5 yo will not stop hitting, pushing and laying on, his 8 month old brother!! Every time I turn a round DS1 has done something hurtful to DS2.
I am blue in the face from asking, telling and now yelling at him to STOP!!! As I write this he is trying to wrap something around the baby's neck!!! I am soooo angry at him so much of the time!! Please help!! I have tried time ins, removing the toy, object, etc. I have had calm talks about respecting the baby and every one, to all out yelling STOP STOP STOP, NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!! What should I do/ not do??? I feel like I'm only making it worse no mater what I try!! HELP!!!!

Girl, I totally feel your pain. My DD is 3 and DS is 14 months and we have had this problem for months now. She is soooooooo rough with him and pushes him and takes his toys away constantly. I don't know what to do either, so hopefully someone will have some advice.
 

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I don't have any good answers for you. and frankly, I'm a bit peeved that no one has any help yet--- but it's the weekend so thing do get slow here. Maybe you'll get some advice on Monday. But there is one thing that came to mind: I've noticed that you mentioned what you've told your DS not to do. Have you put and equal to greater emphasis on what to do? Meaning unended examples and exhortions of "touch nice"???? I realize that all kids don't pick this up quickly, but my daughter does touch the dog gently and will do a "one finger touch" on fragile things when I tell her to. (She does have the occasional slip-up though.) But frankly, I think I told her to "touch nice" for months and months and months before we got to this point. I was just reading in my Montessori book that her opinion was that children in this age group have "absorbant" minds, but not "reasoning minds." And I guess some of em have better memories and copy their parents more than others. All the same, it seems the only way to put an end to the behavior is to model, model, model without end. That-- and separating the older child from the younger one when the older one is harmful might send a message. (Or at least keep the younger one safe.)

Whatever you choose to do,

Good luck! I hope you get some good advice from some BTDT moms.

Faith
 

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my boys are 30 months and 9 months... and we occaisionally have the same problem. Faithnj has the right train of thought. We have found that if we focus on redirecting him with what he should be doing instead that it really works. We have sent him to his "thinking chair" (a rocking chair in the bedroom) when situations got out of hand and he needed to be removed in order for us to talk to him clearly and have his full attention.
Mostly now ds#1 likes to take toys away from his baby brother. Explaining consequences works too, after a while. I also explain turn taking and have used the kitchen timer as a visual and audio aid (set it for a minute or two and then exchange toys). I also tell him if he wants the toy the baby has to find another toy to give to his brother and wait until he lets go of the toy ds#1 wanted in the first place. I have actually watched him do it without prompting him to so I know he gets it.

And sometimes he's just mean and nasty because he's not getting enough stimulation or he just wants my attention. setting aside time to spend with the older child alone with them having your undivided attention seems to make a huge difference. My favorite is sticker book time while our baby naps. Ds picks out stickers and we talk about colors, practice pronounciation, spelling, etc etc. He loves it. Priddy books puts out a great sticker book with sticker puzzles.
 

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I can offer some prospective as a sibling. I am the oldest out of 4. It has taken myself years to get along with the rest of the kids. I still don't like my sister at times. LOL It sounds like he is just acting out. Cause as much as you try top give him the same attention as always the baby needs more attention. Here's an idea. Take an hour each night were it is yours and DS1's time. No baby just you two. Try the nice touch thing too. Try to have him help you with DS2 as much as he possibly can. But it is probably just jealousy. All you other Mama's had good advice too. I think between all of them something should work.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thank you all for the posts, I have shared them w/ DH too. This is all stuff I have read or heard before, I guess in the heat of the moment I suddenly forgot every thing I ever knew!!! LOL Thank you all again, I tried out some of the suggestions before I even had time to finish reading them!!
 

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This thread is soo funny because I just had this huge conversation with my sister about how my 2yr old is constantly hitting her little 1yr old sis. It really cheeses me off, and I've tried everything. My sister suggested laying on the positive reiforcement really thick and showing my Daughter the correct things to do with her hands and feet (ie dancing, playing pattycake) and telling her she can get out her frusteration by bouncing on the bed... I really think the positive reinforcement thing is working well so far. Ever time she is nice, I've been telling her what a great job she is doing and giving her hugs for it. Hopefully it will work...
Just some passed down advice!
Good luck!!
 

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hey laural!

i had to look up your thread so i wasnt repeating what someone else said...
my first thought is that telling satchel not to hit ocean probably isnt working because young children are incapable of hearing 'no', 'not' or 'dont'... cassandra is nearly three and it is painfully appearant that she can not hear negative words... its really really hard to stop and rephrase using words that dont go in one ear and out the other...

and i was thinking about how oblivious to ocean satchel has always been... perhaps hes just realizing he has a brother and is jumping right into the sibling rivlary... before elise was a month old cassandra was already jumping on her and hitting her with things.
i think a bit of that is testing limits and not really knowing what will happen when he hurts ocean. things that are so obvious to us will be tested into eternity by toddlers.

and he might be stressed out by the move...

take a deep breath and count to 10 before reacting and i have these printed out to read
http://www.awareparenting.com/twenty.htm
http://www.awareparenting.com/misbehav.htm

is it still hot there? im having some really bad parenting moments and brain blanks thanks to the heat...
 

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We have a 27 and a 12 month old and we have the same thing going on here. Twice today ds 1 was found hitting ds2 with something. It's just normal for this age. I actually get bothered by things a lot more than my little one does by his big brother. I'm just happy that they are pretty close in size. They do get along really well most of the time.
 

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I'd suggest you get the book Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort. That book changed my relationship with ds immediately and has helped me understand him and his actions. As I learned (from the book and direct experience) it won't any good to punish your ds's behavior; it fact, it will only make it worse. There's an underlying reason for his behavior, and until you address it in an understanding and kind way, it will continue.
 

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Sounds like number 1 is very jealous and needs your undivided attention. I know with Cadan we have special time just for us. I put Kai down and we do something special together and ever since I started doing special time he loves his little sister before he would whine and tell her to move it...lol. Just 10 minutes of your undivided attention can go a long way.
 

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My DS is really so good with DD.
: But there are times...
. He does sometimes hit her, lay on her, push on her, etc. But he rarely ever hurts her. Usually she laughs harder than he does. Today they were laying on the floor, her on her belly, him over her, her kicking him... her laughing big belly laughs. Luckily he's small and she's big.
Mostly he's just playing. I've told him to use gentle touch, showed him appropriate ways to play... they all sink in. I also try to help her interact with him in that way to some degree-- tickling, hugging, chasing.
If he ever does do anything to hurt her, it's to get my attention.
 

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I only have one child but have done a LOT of child care and I read something by Brazelton that has stuck with me and worked very well so I'll share it.

DO NOT reward the mean behavior with attention. If your child needs extra attention, please give it to him/her, but not when he hits. Ignore him and turn to the sibling that was hit (or had a toy taken etc) and dote on that one saying, "oh you poor kid. Did you get hurt? How awful. You don't deserve that." and on and on, get the kid some ice or kiss the boo boo or something. Keep your back turned to the hitter. He may be hitting because he's jealous or wants attention but you can teach him that thats NOT the way to get attention - negative or positive. But I personally let the child help in fixing the problem if she's willing - get a bandaide or return the toy or whatever. If she's not willing, I just leave her alone. I don't punish or hold a grudge, I just deal with the other child. And I try to model empathy, compassion, apology, respect, etc. toward the victimized child. My big message is "you don't deserve to be treated that way and it wasn't OK." Both children are listening closely.

Other things that have helped: Demonstrating positive ways to get what you want (ei, babies will often agree to a trade if you want the toy he has so you can show another toy and wait til he drops that one). And I never grab a toy out of a toddler's hand, even if she just did that - it teaches her to grab more. And obviously I don't hit or handle roughly a child who hits.

Julie
 
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