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Discussion Starter #1
i feel like i've spent the weekend processing what i'm losing by walking away from this marriage (something that came up in therapy last week), and a solution came to me regarding some financial stuff that involves a serious sacrifice but ultimately makes things simpler.<br><br>
two years ago, my dad convinced me to move because our house was "too small" and he was at a point financially where he could help me out, but would not be in the position in the near future (like, now) because he would be starting a new company so his assets would be tied up. i agreed to it, and this was the deal - he'd pay cash for our new house; when the old house sells, we'd get a mortgage on the new one to pay him back. it took a long time to get the old house fixed up and ready to sell, and now it has been on the market for a long time (with the price dropping from $90 to $85 and finally now to $77k). it's just not selling, and i feel miserable owing my dad for the new house. plus i'm paying taxes, insurance and utilities on both houses. i hate the whole situation and have frequently regretted moving, even though i love the new house and especially the new neighborhood. i loved the old house too (although it's half the size, at 700 sq ft) and the neighborhood was okay; not my favorite, but very convenient.<br><br>
my solution is to split up with stbx, move back into the old house with the kids, and sell the "new" house (with the proceeds going to my dad). once the divorce is final i'd have to refi the old house in my name only. there is some humility involved in moving back into the old house, especially alone. i don't really mind though. it's easy enough to understand: it just didn't sell, so we had to sell the other house instead.<br><br>
i have to talk to my dad about all that but i think he'll agree that it's a decent idea.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I'm glad you were able to find a financial solution that works for you. Sounds like a good plan to me!
 

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Discussion Starter #3
WOW i just talked to my dad and it was pretty amazing. i just wanted to ask him what he thought about the house thing (since it's his money tied up here, not mine), but ended up talking about all the stuff. whew. he doesn't want me to move back to the old house. he says the new house is in a way better neighborhood and the old house is all nice for selling - it would take work and money to get the new house ready to sell. that's true. plus the expense and work of moving. he didn't think it was necessary. he's okay with waiting longer.<br><br>
but anyway, i think he was actually pretty relieved with my news. not that he doesn't like stbx, but he sees what's going on. we've talked about it a lot in the past - mostly him telling me it's not sustainable, not healthy, i can't keep doing it all . . . and me saying, "yeah, but what am i supposed to do?" i guess i figured out what, and my dad is not surprised at all. um, nobody has been. they all saw it coming way before i did, i guess. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent">
 

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That's awesome. It's amazing how our friends and family often have a pretty good idea when our relationships are dysfunctional, even if we've never told them outright.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
ds2 has been diaper-free since sunday (although still have an accident or two each day).<br><br>
my wedding band has been sitting in my desk drawer for about a month, and today, i sold it! i got $70. i was just beaming the whole time i was driving to the store, the whole time i was in there, and pretty much since then.<br><br>
think i'm going to get myself this:<br><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/38146874/ursula-ring-gold-filled-onyx?ref=sr_gallery_10&ga_search_query=onyx+cluster+ring&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&includes" target="_blank">http://www.etsy.com/listing/38146874...page=&includes</a>[]=tags&includes[]=title<br><br>
i also got myself a yummy lunch. that was my only little blip, because i got salad bar from the local co-op, and at the check out, the guy gave me the total, and i said, "don't you want my member number?" he said, "i got it," and pointed at the screen. i was like, "what? that's crazy!" ugh, of course, he knows i'm "<b>mrs.stbx</b>". a lot of people know me as his wife. but whatever. i guess they'll know me as his ex-wife now.<br><br>
i'm so flipping excited that things are happening!
 

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Wow, you are really making progress. I know it must be a relief to be able to talk to your dad. It's wonderful that he has been in a position to help you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">
 
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