Mothering Forum banner

1 - 20 of 30 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,952 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
this is definetly an issue on which I could use a little advice from my MDC mamas.<br><br>
DH and I are having our first child in April (due april 20th). we have been throwing around names for a girl....<br><br>
we don't know if its a girl, so we are having choices for both, but really feel that its a girl (dreams, etc.).<br><br>
Ramona is a name we agree on. I thought of the name Stella the other day and ran it by DH. He also really likes it. We also like the name Tessa.<br><br>
Today, I was getting really excited about having another name I really like. Stella being maybe the favorite of the three. We met with our best friends today at a brewery (it was his birthday) and I told them that we had a new name and announced it. She was like "thats my favorite name, you b**ch! don't steal our name! i totally told you I love that name, etc. etc." (she was a little toasted from the brewery). I was totally just floored. She reminded me that she had told me that a while back, but honestly, I TOTALLY DID NOT REMEMBER IT. Perhaps she subconciously put Stella in my mind, and I thought that i thought of it later??? Apparently, her aunt was named Stella and she's always loved it, etc. etc. Also, her DH's favorite beer is Stella Artois, and I was thinkin when I announced it that they would go "oh cool! like stella artois." I was shocked when she dropped that news. I really had no recollection of her telling me that until she reminded me of the conversation.<br><br>
Anyhow, I was immediately dissapointed and like "damn, that sucks. I totally didnt even remember that. etc. etc." and I know she believes me because I came in there announcing the name like it was all new. kwim?<br><br>
anyhow, she immediately changed her tune and was like "its really ok. I think its a beautiful name and you should use it. we may not even have kids, etc. etc." Her husband was the same way. "You should totally use it. We might not even have kids, and if we did we could have a boy, etc."<br><br>
The wife is around age 34 and still totally undecided about children. They considered getting a dog, but ultimately concluded that they are not "ready" for the dog responsibility right now.....<br><br>
Soooo, now I'm all conflicted about it. I honestly feel like it would be no big deal if we named our child Stella and years later if they had a girl, they could name their daughter Stella. They would have different last names, etc. But my DH thinks its unlikely they would do that.<br><br>
My good friend Jennifer has a daughter named Rachel and her best friend named her second daughter Rachel. She was all for it. Seems silly to me as long as they don't have the same last name (like immediate family where the first AND last name would be the same). Her best friend called and asked permission etc (which also shows that some people do feel its not OK to do this, but my friend was like "hell yeah. its a great name. go for it."<br><br>
but by the same token, we hang out with them all the time. they live 5 mins from us. I hate feeling like I stole a name....esp. when it has significance to them.....<br><br>
but I can't get past the fact that 1) they may not have children at all. 2) they could have a boy. and 3) I would be fine with (and it might even be fun) to have children with the same name.<br><br>
I just don't know if thats my decision to make.<br><br>
I also know of a friend who had the girl name Avery as a favorite. A friend of hers had a daughter and named the child Avery and this girl was kinda miffed about it. It was one of those "I don't care she used the name, but she could have at least acknowledged she got it from me, etc. etc." But in the end, that friend had two sons, and would never have used the name Avery anyhow.<br><br>
Part of me feels I should just drop the name and pick something else. Another part of me feels like a dramatic pregnant lady who is really feelin this name and feels ripped off since its one of the few DH actually likes....<br><br>
And the last part of me wonders how objective I can really be once the baby is born and I see her about choosing off a list where one name has so much weird energy attached to it....<br><br>
Am I making any sense?!<br><br>
ADVICE PLEASE.<br>
XOXO<br>
Beth
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
730 Posts
Wow. Holy long post <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I love long posts by the way!!!! Anyways... Hmmmm I really not sure what advice to give you. I would say follow your heart. If you really feel like the child you are carrying is a Stella then go for it. Ya don't want to go with a name that you aren't in love with. You'll always wish you had went with "loved" name if you did. Does that make sense? What is your Dh's take on the whole thing?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
514 Posts
I'd just name your child the best name you find and not worry about it. If your friend was buzzed when you're not drinking (I presume) you're on a different wave length, you know? She probably sensed that she was responding out of a lack of inhibition and then changed her tune out of respect for you. It sounds like you're in the clear to name your baby as you wish. That's one choice that is always belongs to parents unless they give it away.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,072 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Earthy~Mama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hmmmm I really not sure what advice to give you. I would say follow your heart. If you really feel like the child you are carrying is a Stella then go for it.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
187 Posts
It's your kid! Eventually, someody will have the same name, or close to your kids name! Last time, I got so mad at my MIL shooting down my favorite name for a boy and making fun of it that I refused to share anymore names with anyone! My hubby and I agreed on a name and kept it to ourselves. We'll probably do the same thing again this time! That way, no one can say anything because it's done and over, and they are too interested in the baby to care about bickering over a name!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,622 Posts
I think the name "Stella" now has a touch of drama attached to it and perhaps you should find another beautiful name. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
658 Posts
Thats crazy. She isn't pregnant and may not have any kids. Its not like she is having a baby the same time you are and you snagged her first choice name for the girl she knows she is having....that was just petty and stupid on her part.<br><br>
You should name your kid whatever you want. Personally, If it were me I wouldn't feel the slightest bit bad and I would probably be offended at my friend for being so rude!<br><br>
sheesh! Sorry your friend was being so stupid!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,885 Posts
I think names are first come first serve.<br><br>
If you love the name Stella, go for it! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
Now, if she already had a daughter named Stella, and you were <b>VERY CLOSE</b> friends, then I would suggest asking if they minded that you use the name, too. But, that's not the case here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,241 Posts
If you and your DH love the name Stella and totally feel like it's meant to be your child's name, I would go with it (although, who knows, once you meet her she could be more of a Tessa or Ramona <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> ).<br>
If your friend is honestly accepting of you using "her" name, I wouldn't mope around feeling guilty about it, I would actually credit her with "naming" the baby (for example, telling people "Well, hubby and I loved the name, but when I found out that my best friend also loved the name I just KNEW it was the right choice for our baby" or something along those lines).<br>
This way, it actually includes her in the whole name process and you are openly acknowledging that it is a name both you and your friend love, which may help prevent any "bad feelings" from her about you using it, KWIM? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
Good luck with whatever you choose, naming your child is really one of life's most important decisions and something that they will carry with them for the rest of their lives. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,021 Posts
I believe it is your responsibility to find a name that resonates with you and your baby, completely independent of what ever anyone else thinks!<br><br>
I like Stella a lot. I also like Tessa. Ii really don't like Ramona. Not that you asked or anything!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,365 Posts
4) You may have a boy <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
My rule is she who has the girl first gets the name and if the friend uses the same name that is completely up to her.<br><br>
I also have a couple of friends - one has a 3 year old named M and a very good friend just used the same name for her newborn.<br>
So not a big deal, try not to let it worry you. If you keep your heart open this little one will tell you what his/her name should be.<br><br>
Keri
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,125 Posts
I agree with PPs... You have every right to name your baby whatever you want, regardless of what your friend or anyone else thinks. There's nothing wrong with you and your friend having kids named the same name. I also think that your friend was not in a normal state of mind, and thus anything she said at that time should be suspect. But even if she meant what she said, it's not her name to hold hostage. Anyone can use a name!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,622 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>boscopup</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Anyone can use a name!</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
That is, of course, true, but as one who named my children with unique names, for a reason, so they'd have unique names, I'd be a little bit peeved if a friend disrespected my feelings and used their first names for their babies. Especially if it happened BEFORE I had my child, even though we already had the names picked out. I wouldn't hate them over it, I would just be a little hurt and sad about it.<br><br>
I thought it was odd when I heard that Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband named their daughter Apple because they liked the name of the husband's producer's (or something) daughter, who was only about 1. I suppose it's different if you are naming your child AFTER someone, in memory of someone or to note how special you feel that person is. It's great that they liked the name, but obviously, the people who brought the name to their attention were going for the unique name point of view. I did hear that the producer (?) and his wife gave Gwyneth and her husband permission to use the name, but then again, it'd almost be rude not to, you know?<br><br>
Out of respect, it would be kind for the OP and her husband to keep looking and try to find another even more special name. If for some reason, they really can't find one and the baby is born and Stella is the only name they will even consider, then they will have to do what they will have to do. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
One way to think of it is, what if OP suddenly had surprise twins, two girls and suddenly needed 2 girl names? There have got to be some other options available, kwim?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,952 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Earthy~Mama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">What is your Dh's take on the whole thing?</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
DH thinks that the whole thing is pretty funny actually. He thinks its no big deal and if we want it, we could use it, and they wouldn't care. They are a really laid back easy going couple. But he figures that the husband is genuinely cool about it, and the wife could be cool or could be acting that way.....<br><br>
He is really close with the husband, and he felt like it would be best to let it blow over for a few days and then ask the husband. Like "I think its a woman thing mainly. Any read on how yr wife really feels about this?" Kinda get him to give the truth about how she really feels, etc.<br><br>
But I've had other friends say its stupid for us to even ask at this point, because its really not their call, etc. etc. I agree with some of the other posters though, in that I don't want to hurt any feelings.<br><br>
And RiverSky, I get your point, but do you really think you can claim a name and expect no one else to use it? I personally think its a little dramatic. I know you aren't the only one, which is why I ask, but I think its a lot different than her saying "my favorite name is Stella" and me going "OH! I love that name. I'm jacking it from you."<br><br>
Basically, I cannot confirm or deny if the subconcious seed got planted when she told me that long ago. I just know I was trolling around baby name websites and it popped out at me. Between name meanings (DH and I want nothing biblical or "god" related since we're buddhist), popularity issues, etc. its been VERY hard to find names we agree on. There was no maliciousness here.<br><br>
And like someone else said, at this point, they cannot commit to the responsibility of a dog. I honestly think they may have kids one day, and I think they would be great parents, but there are SO many ifs there.....and like I said, I think it would be just fine to have two kids with the same name....<br><br>
But the whole thing makes me queasy....I really wish this issue wasn't there.<br><br>
XOXO<br>
B
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,365 Posts
This is all water under the bridge at this point but this is exactly why we don't tell people the names we have chosen.<br><br>
RiverSky - I do understand where you are coming from but if you are really concerned about people taking your unborn childs name then don't share it until after they are born.<br><br>
I hope it all works out for you. Give it some time - it may be more clear that it is a non-issue, you may not have a girl and you may change your mind <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Blessings,<br>
Keri
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,300 Posts
This actually happened to me with a friend of mine. We had picked out our first dds name 6 years before she was born. We had fertility issues, which is why it took us so long to get pregnant. We had a name picked out when we first started trying. We loved it so much that we loved it six years later. A friend of mine named her dc the same name, knowing we had picked it about 2 years before dd was born. I didn't care, and still don't. We were close years ago, but dh and I moved to another state and rarely saw her. We moved back when my dd was 4, but still don't see her much. Also, I did a different, and I think prettier spelling of the name. So they aren't exactly the same. This would be harder to do with Stella. Anyway, no one owns a name. If you like it, use it. I still used mine.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,053 Posts
What a to-do!<br><br>
Could you wait until the babe is in your arms and look at him or her very carefully and see 'who' he or she is?<br><br>
We have been drawn to one name more than any other when looking at our newborns and their names still suit them well now, we think!<br><br>
The more children you have the more names become 'out of bounds' becuase you know more children and link personalities to names. The first name is the easiest because you don't have any of that but you can't know if someone somewhere is having the same thought as you at the same time!<br><br>
There are so many Evies around age 3-4 around here at the moment but each mum thought they were being very unique at the time of choosing it!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">My rule is she who has the girl first gets the name and if the friend uses the same name that is completely up to her.</td>
</tr></table></div>
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/truedat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Truedat"><br><br>
I was on another pregnancy board and thought I was pregnant (I wasn't at that time) & mentioned I liked the name Aiden for a girl, another girl who did get pregnant announced her name the next day Ayden... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: But later she asked me if it was ok to use it & thanked me for mentioning it.<br><br>
Maybe you friend was just mad that you thought you had come up with it, simple mistake. She might really be ok with you using it, talk with her and make sure.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,992 Posts
First come, first serve. That said...I had a dog named Stella. I loved her. We had to adopt her out because ds was allergic to her. I so wanted to name my dd Stella, because I LOVE the name. Dh said it was disrespectful and weird. Besides that, he missed his dog too much<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,396 Posts
I agree with orangefoot- let your baby choose which name out of the three she represents! I don't think it should be a problem if you end up using Stella, however your friend does have an aunt named Stella and if she wanted to name the baby after her it might be a sore spot if you already have the name.<br><br>
BTW, I was born on April 20th. Good day to be born!
 
1 - 20 of 30 Posts
Top