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What would a natural/logical consequence be for spitting? As in spitting in their sibglin's face just to upset them?<br><br>
What about for lying? Lying about wrongdoing (Leo did it, then later confesses), or lying to "tease" a sibling. (e.g. "He dumped your chips in the trash." Little sister cries. Big sis says, "Just teasing.") When someone has done something they shouldn't and I know who did it, I address the problem without giving them the opportunity to lie. But if I don't know for sure, I have to question, and DD1 has lied to me so many times that I can't believe her anymore. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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For spitting, I would treat it simply and with as little fanfare as possible. Speak for the younger sibling if they cannot, "It is really upsetting when someone spits on you, isn't it?" Or give the sibling the words if old enough, "Tell DD1 that you don't like spitting." I would ignore the spitter as much as possible and empower the victim.<br><br>
I also ignore lying. I think until they are about six or seven the line in reality comes and goes. I think sometimes they lie about wrongdoing because they believe if they say it out loud, it will become reality. "I didn't eat all the chips." Lying to a sibling? I would just state the truth and move on. "Your chips were not thrown away." The end. I never give an opportunity to lie. I never ask "if" something was done when I know that it was. "Did you shave the cat?" The answer always will be no. "You shaved the cat...discussion of consequences or whatever you do" "NO, I didn't." Ignore lie and continue; "when you shave the cat...." ,<br><br>
And I think at six you can say in a moment of calm when there has not been any lying. "You know. This lying thing is hurting our relationship. I trust you to make good choices, but when you are not truthful,I have a hard time trusting you."<br><br>
Good luck!
 

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But to me the "consequence" for spitting is to be told "No spitting, its disgusting! Do not spit at people"<br><br>
As for "lying" WRT sibling teasing, I have one overwhelming piece of advice:STAY OUT OF IT!!!! If little sis cries, oh well. She'll soon figure out how to deal with her sister, especially if you don't get involved. (Though you can still IN PRIVATE) say to little sis "Wow big sis is sometimes really annoying when she teases you like that, huh!"<br><br>
As for when they have done something they shouldn't, i wouldn't worry too much about who did it.<br><br>
For example, if the sugar got spilled and they were supposed to ask for help so it wouldn't get all over I'd simply say "Hey, you all know that you need to ask for help with the sugar, next time I expect you to ask me." Please help me clean up.<br><br>
All protestation that "It wasn't me" should be met with "Well no matter, it still needs to be cleaned up and everyone can help."<br><br>
No need to "know" who did it. Just repeat the rule and your expectations.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MaWhit</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">What would a natural/logical consequence be for spitting? As in spitting in their sibglin's face just to upset them?<br><br>
What about for lying? Lying about wrongdoing (Leo did it, then later confesses), or lying to "tease" a sibling. (e.g. "He dumped your chips in the trash." Little sister cries. Big sis says, "Just teasing.") When someone has done something they shouldn't and I know who did it, I address the problem without giving them the opportunity to lie. But if I don't know for sure, I have to question, and DD1 has lied to me so many times that I can't believe her anymore. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"></div>
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Are all those things done by the oldest? If so, then she is the one who needs the most love. The child who gets in trouble the most needs the most attention. Keep her a little closer to you. Ask her to help you more than the other two. Let them play and call her to be with you a bit more. And when she is, smile at her a lot and every so often put your arm around her shoulders.<br><br>
Spitting: Say your sister doesn't like when you spit in her face. I don't like it either. Come and help me do this....<br><br>
Kids will lie. Don't ask questions. Don't make her feel like a liar. Always believe her even if you know he is lying. If you find out she was telling a lie, don't call her on it. Just ignore it.<br><br>
She has to feel that you always trust her and believe her. Nothing should ever weaken your mom/daughter relationship and that needs to be expressed/shown clearly at all times and under all circumstances. She must see that she can always lean on you and you will always be there for her no matter what.<br><br>
If you never ask who did it, you will never be told a lie. If you ask every child will probably lie up to a certain age. That is just how kids are. At least until they are older.<br><br>
I would not be so detailed about who did what. It doesn't matter. And if one tattle tales, well, say that is really too bad, but let's (and then change the subject).<br><br>
Don't get so involved in their arguments. It is all a learning experiment and they can't learn if you are their mediator. Stay out of it.<br><br>
If it gets out of hand, assign them each a job. But not in retaliation, rather like you really need them to help you right now....(at least the older one/two and let the little one(s) play).
 

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"Natural" consequences are consequences that happen regardless of your interventions. The natural consequences of the misbehaviors you mentioned would be their siblings being pissed at them. If you don't think that's enough- or if, like me, you feel that it's important to protect kids from each other, especially before they're old enough to develop effective methods for protecting themselves- you need to find something else.<br><br>
We often have my son make restitution when he hurts someone. If he intentionally frightens the dog, he does something for the dog (uses his own money to buy him a treat, for example); if he carelessly knocks over his little sister, he makes her feel better (by reading a book to her or playing a game she really likes).
 
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