[CawMama]

Hope this is the right spot to post.

After what happened to me last night, I'm reconsidering a non-hospital birth. I need someone to help me understand what happened to my poor body.

Finished my 6th day in a row of miscarriage yesterday. Had labor like contractions Saturday and got through those. Had period like cramps on Sun and Monday....no problem at all. Yesterday, though, is a completely different story.

I had really strong labor pains, that I managed to moan my way though (and not swear too much). But, I started puking, and they got so bad that I had to go to the ER and get morphine. I don't now if this is the equivalent to transitioning. I don't know if that is the same type of pain I am going to feel during real labor and childbirth.

I told dh this morning, that I am now rethinking wanting a natural birth. I can not go through that type of pain again....I am not a wimp by any means, and have a really high pain threshold. But, that was evil hell....About 200x worse than pitocin contractions. I wanted to die!

 

[munkeesmama]

I have had a few miscarriages, a few that I've hardly felt and one that felt like labor. With that said, I think the emotional aspect of it also made it MORE painful as well. With natural labor there's a prize at the end of it all so to speak. with a miscarriage, it's the end to something. So throw in emotional pain with physical pain and it can take a toll on your body in ways that I can't express. I'd say you really can't compare the 2 totally. I do understand your fears though. :

s::

 

[Mainstream Hippie]

I was going to say what munkeesmama said in regards to the emotional aspect. I think it would be impossible to judge how you'd do with a planned, prepared-for natural birth by how you are affected by a miscarriage. It sounds like even emotional aspects aside, you had a very physically difficuly miscarriage. Most labors don't go four days, either.

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[JosieAK]

I'm sorry for weighing in because I'm really inexperienced (although I've supported people through both), but I think that there are a few things. One, with birth you have a support team, a support system, comfort measures that you've practiced and used, and (like pp said) a goal and positive outcome. Another is that the body is not doing the same thing. I don't know how far along you were, but the process of birth and miscarriage is only the same in emptying the uterus. The process of birth is, in many ways, designed to give pleasure in the oxytocin released during contractions, the (for many) pleasure in pushing, and (for some) almost orgasmic experience when delivering. Then you have all of the after birth euphoria that almost completely erases the pain from your memory. A miscarriage comes at a time when your body is not prepared for it and almost fights the system that was made to protect a healthy baby. I've heard MANY mothers say that a miscarriage is MUCH more painful than a birth.

I'm so sorry for all of the physical and emotional pain you've had to endure in the loss of your sweet baby. I hope you do have supportive and loving people around you. I wish you a smooth and healthy recovery and the opportunity to have the natural homebirth that you hope for. God bless.

 

[mommyfied]

My miscarriage was very painful compared to my natural birth. I really don't think you can compare the two. My labor felt like strong Braxton Hicks contractions (just pressure) all the way to transition. During transition, it was just intense pressure and not really painful at all. With my miscarriage, I had cramps so painful I wanted to curl up into a ball. Position changes didn't relieve the pain like it would in a regular birth. In addition, I think the emotional factor and no labor support made it worse. Once I got my DH supporting me in a squat position and rubbing my back, I could feel my body relaxing and my cervix opening up and then it was over. It was so painful it made me second guess whether labor would be painful (like my body had changed or something) but now I know that it was just different. I don't think there is any reason to suspect that it won't be like my first birth which was relatively fast and easy.

I'm sorry for your loss and the traumatic experience.

 

[octanebeetle27]

First, I am so sorry for your loss. ((hugs))

I wouldn't say that my miscarriage was more painful than my natural birth BUT I did notice some differences. One, with my miscarriage my uterus contracted nearly constantly for a few hours--no real break in between like with my labor where I had a definite period of rest in between (even during transition--the rest was shorter but it was still there). Second, I was sad and miserable the entire time--not at all excited and prepared for the task at hand like I was with my labor. The emotional aspects of it have got to do something with the difference in experience.

I wouldn't count yourself out for a natural birth. I had horrendous periods before my kids were born and I always considered myself to be a wimp b/c I was stuck in bed (sometimes even vomiting) maxed out on Motrin for a few days nearly every month. Labor turned out to go much more smoothly. It was intense but bearable.

 

[Belle]

I'm sorry for your loss.

I've had two natural births and a miscarriage. One of my babies was born at home. The miscarriage was far more painful than either of the births. I was also in terrible emotional pain. During labor, I was in Laborland so it wasn't that painful. It's like an altered state of being. I couldn't go into Laborland during the miscarriage. It was intensely painful and then to top it off I had to transfer to the hospital for an emergency D&C. I'd give birth ten times over rather than have another miscarriage. It really hurt.

 

[Romana]

Each labor is different (including miscarriages). I had one labor that was longish but manageable, except that I ended up stuck in transition for 7.5 hours. The next birth was almost as long, but the last 2-3 hours were so unbelievably painful that I'm considering a medicated birth if we have a #3.

No two births are alike. I don't think that you should doubt yourself based on what you experienced with the miscarriage. Also, there's other motivation for staying drug-free during birth - i.e., the baby. When you have a miscarriage, the baby is already lost. When you choose a natural birth, part of that rationale is usually because you believe it's best to avoid those drugs for the baby. That motivating factor is still there.

I think that having natural births was best for my babies; however, I may make a different decision the next time because birth #2 was so awful. That said, I'm keeping my mind open and trying to remember that even though I've had two tough births, each birth was, is, and will be different. Also, the pain is usually transitory (although it can be awful in the moment), and you may feel that it's worth the long-term benefits (if you consider there to be long-term benefits to you/baby to avoid an epidural or otherwise medicated labor).

 

[TzippityDoulah]

I agree with the above poster, when you are giving birth to a living baby, it's going to be an emotional high coming with it. Micarriage is so physically and emotionally draining, and in the end you don't get to hold your little one and feel all those good yummy feelings.

my heart goes out to you, mama. I hope you find physical and emotional healing through this. try not to think about your next birth right now and focus on what you're feeling about this miscarriage. don't take on the weight of tomorrow until tomorrow.

 

[punkrawkmama27]

I am so sorry for your loss.

1 year ago, yesterday, I m/c at home after my OB gave me something to speed things along, b/c I wasnt m/c on my own. I have to say that it was the most pain I had ever felt! It hurt so bad, the physical and emotional pain was unbearable! I moaned and labored by myself for 4 hours during the night and early morning hours, it was terrible. It felt like the contractions were coming one right after the other.

1 week ago yesterday I had a natural homebirth, and the pain was no where near the m/c! It was my 4th live birth and the easiest one I had been through! It was a great blessing, and I already want to go through another natural homebirth again. It was a great experience, especially after a loss. I knew my body could carry a baby, and birth a baby!

I hope you heal and are able to have the birth you want

 

[MoonStarFalling]

It's not the same at all. My first couple m/c were extremely painful. Much worse than normal natural labor that I had with dd.

 

[octobermom]

I agree its diffrent. With my actual birth (which I did have in a hospital) I had support wanted or not of family and nurses and doctors if I had pain everyone knew what was happening and responded as such (in sometimes annoying ways but still the validation was there) Through each bit of pain I knew I was getting closer to seeing my baby and that was a huge natural dose of pain relief, I always knew there was a "visible" end to physical birth..
VS my miscarriages mine happened early on so I have no experince with a late miscarriage but mine happend alone my last and most painfull my DH was outta town I ended up colplasing on the bathroom floor in excrutating pain and an obsecene amount of blood with noone to help and praying my DD wouldn't see. When I did seek medical help after the bleeding got dangerous no mention of the fact Id lost a baby was acknowleged it was all medical and too the point. Then for weeks after I walked around feeling the effects of a miscarriage that knocked me down and the pain it physically involved while showing zero outwardly signs of having been pregnant. SO no one understood and to those that knew I had been the pan of explaining once again it wasn't to happen.

Deanna

 

[Moonprysm]

I am really sorry for your loss. With my last m/c, I went through 10 days of HELL. I would be fairly normal during the day (which I think was a mental thing - I had no choice since I was here alone with DS), but as soon as DH would come home, the contractions would start. There were several nights where he looked at me and asked if I wanted to go to the hospital. I got through it, but sometimes I still don't know how. It was worth it to me to have my baby at home and be able to bury her with DS' placenta. It was part of the closure for me. Birth was nothing like that. I have never felt pain like that in my life, and I had a natural birth with DS despite having pitocin. I would never compare the pain of a m/c to the pain of a natural, healthy birth.