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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I just need to unload a little. I am suffering from natural parenting guilt -- which is to say I want to be super natural mama and it's just not turning out that way. First, I have started pumping a couple of bottles a day so dh can feed her and I can get more sleep. We add acidophilus to the bottle (sorry for those of you who have read this a hundred times already). I'm also giving her a paci, which helps her digest and is an alternative to my boob when she gets fussy during a feeding. I feel like I'm cheating. I'm not sure if she's fussy during feedings because of OALD or because of thrush. I'm not even sure we have thrush, but I'm wondering if we have a mild case. I'm using acidophilus and taking tons of echinacea in case. But with the bottle, especially, I feel like I'm cheating.<br><br>
And then there's the other end. I so love the idea of EC and cloth diapers, but I do about 2/3 cloth and 1/3 sposie, and EC just doesn't seem to work. I've caught two poos. DD just doesn't like being held over the sink (even less over the toilet). I'm thinking maybe I'll use the principles when she gets older and less fussy (she's a pretty fussy kid at this point) -- maybe not full on EC, but just communicating openly and teaching her to listen to her body. Maybe toilet training will be easier then? But anyway, with sposies I feel like I'm letting myself down. And her, because the plastic seems to bother her skin.<br><br>
I make my own teas, my own bum salve, my own flat fold diapers. I tried making a sling, but it didn't really turn out. I do wear her in a bought sling.<br><br>
I guess this is like wanting to eat everything locally and organic but really not having the finances to do that all the time. I hate it. But I have to be realistic.<br><br>
Do I? Or am I being to hard on myself? Can't decide.<br><br>
Thanks for reading....
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> You are not supermom, but you are a "super mom" to your dd. Just the fact that you are concerned about all of these things speaks volumes. I would say, don't give up on your ideals, but be realistic. If you are not doing what you wanted to do, why not? If you are not happy, you can always change. If you are unhappy pumping but need the sleep, have you tried nursing lying down and napping when she is eating? Or having dh bring her to you to eat and then having him take her to change her diaper, etc.?<br><br>
If the disposables are bothering you, what is your reason for using them? Not enough stash; having to wash too often; not found the right system yet? You can work towards fulltime cd'ing.<br><br>
I just looked at your dd's birthdate. She isn't even a month old yet! Really, it's okay and things will get SO MUCH easier even in just a few more weeks. None of the things you are doing are permanent so if you decide they are not the right choice for your family, you can make changes.<br><br>
You are not cheating! You are parenting, and as I'm finding out, it the hardest job in the world. Don't hold yourself up to any else's expectations. Be true to yourself and gentle with yourself.<br><br>
hugs
 

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To answer your question...yes! you are being too hard on yourself! I started thinking similarly and had to tell myself that I'm doing the best I can, bfing, cosleeping, babywearing. I am also using sposies right now and had some guilt about it, but I'm a first time mama and have to cut myself some slack in these first couple of months, right?<br><br>
First off...when it comes to natural parenting, you're doing more than most people do, so feel good about that. I think that the most natural thing is having the desire to do what's best for your child, and you obviously have that.<br><br>
There's nothing wrong with wanting to do things locally, naturally, organically...but don't beat yourself up if you're not living up to some self-imposed ideal. You're doing a great job, mama! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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I wish I had time to respond longer but just- take a deep breath! Like trini said, it's overwhelming in the first few months! But you learn as you go, and it gets so much easier. I think you're doing so awesome! With my first, I planned to cloth diaper too, and when we had breastfeeding trouble, I was so freaked out that I had to go to disposables. I'm doing much better with the second kid. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
On the EC- that will get easier too! I have one of those padded toilet-seat inserts, and believe it or not, my son's little butt fits really well on there. That way he's not suspended over the toilet. I can imagine that he would hate that too. I miss a lot of pees, but I catch a lot too just by putting him on when he wakes up from naps, or when I or my daughter have to go.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Ok Mama CLea time to take a deep breath,<br>
I cloth diaper but I bought prefold and fitteds so kudos to you for making your own flat folds. I use sposies at night beacause she sleeps better that way and yes the plastic gives her a little irration but I think it bothers me more than her. I to made my own pouch sling and well I made it to big so I use one I bought.<br>
I don't shop organic beacause I would rather be able to be a SAHM and I would have to work to afford that. And horror upon horrors my family actually eats hamburger helper every so often shreeeeek.<br>
All I know is that I do the best that I can for my family and most importantly I give tham my all. I will always kiss the boo boo, listen to the story, and smooth over a rough day with a cookie. There is so much more to what we do as Moms than cloth diapers, bottles, and slings.<br>
I hate to see beautiful wonderful Mama's beat themselves up over all the details. Give yourself a big hug and a huge pat on the back for taking on the hardest job known to Man- raising a human being. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/luxlove.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="throb"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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My goodness, mama, you are doing great! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
I also have a tendency to be too hard on myself. I know you know that being a "natural mama" doesn't mean checking off Natural Things To Do A to Z...but sometimes when we're trying so hard it seems like it, esp. when we can't "check off" all the stuff we're *supposed* to be doing. All you can do is the best you can and every family's situation is different...there is nothing wrong with *anything* you mention! Nothing! Give yourself a hug. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
By the way, if it makes you feel better...<br><br>
*I use 100% sposies (no w/d in the apt. and I am not going to spend $3 a load to do diaper laundry in the laundromat just to say I used cloth!)<br>
*I obviously don't make my own diapers :LOL, nor do I make my own teas, salve or...much of anything!<br>
*I make so many compromises on the way I would prefer to eat, for $ reasons AND for gosh darn convenience, that you can't even SEE my ideal diet from the way I actually eat. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
SO, just a few examples of a mama who is WAY LESS natural than you...but I'm going to keep on trucking and doing <i>what I can</i>. Which is a lot less than you! One month postpartum, too! I could hardly function at that point!<br><br>
Your DD is lucky to have such an awesome mama! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
~Elizabeth<br><br>
PS - I think at that age it's too much to hope for a lot of EC success. My DD is 5 months and I think we're about ready to try, at least for poops...it becomes *so* obvious when they need to go when they go less frequently, plus you can sit them on a potty when they're not all floppy anymore.
 

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You are doing awesome. There is nothing wrong with dh feeding baby a bottle of expressed BM--you are taking care of yourself by giving yourself a little time to relax, which makes you able to be the good mom that you are! We just got over the thrush thing ourselves (we, too, weren't quite sure he had thrush)...ever hear of gentian violet? My LC said if you paint your nipples with it (it stains things though so if you do this wear old clothes) and dd nurses, you can tell if you have yeast if then your nipples don't hurt anymore (if it's to that point). PM me if you have questions about thrush--that in itself is overwhelming, I think, esp if you aren't sure what's going on with your little one. We all want to do the best for our babes, and it sounds like you are doing that. I'm super impressed you tried to make your own sling, but maybe you are trying to do too much--I just bought one, too--does the same thing as a homemade one, right? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> And we, too, use sposies once in awhile--I think you are also new at cding and it gets easier, you figure out what works, and start using sposies less (or not, but at least you use them less than most people!) Maybe put some calendula cream on her where the diapers seem to irritate her?<br>
anyway, hugs to you--sounds like you love your dd so much. That's what she needs more than anything!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> Thanks, everyone!!! Your support helps TONS. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/luxlove.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="throb"><br><br>
Let's see... the reason I'm not totally CD'ing is that DH is very new to it (I'm not) and we don't have enough covers (they don't reuse well w/o a wash), she's too small for the prefolds, and the sposies work better for night time. So, like several of you point out -- it will change with time. Same with EC. I can see that both of these probably for us work best with options, not 100% EC or CD, but a mix. I like the idea of the little seat.<br><br>
Okay, so I can relax. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> I just need to periodically be reminded to do so.<br><br>
Right now she's sitting on my lap, leaning up against my arm, staring at the lamp by the puter. She's not fussing! It's such a moment at a time thing, isn't it? And yes -- I would agree with you all that this is the hardest job known to humanity. Yeay for us! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bouncy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bouncy">
 

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Congrats on your lil one and relax!! You are doing wonderful! Trust me, I was in the hospital for 3 days when my baby was about 3 weeks old from sleep deprivation and exhaustion because I was trying to do it all and do it all perfectly! It was so hard to be in the hospital, away from her for 3 days when I had a perfect homebirth to AVOID a hospital!!<br><br>
I am not trying to scare you! All I am saying is that you are doing a great job. No one can be comepletely perfect all the time, and what you are doing sounds very caring, consciencious (sp?), and thought out...<br><br>
Remember, even though your little one is about a month old, your hormones are still going completely nutters! My midwife told me that your hormones aren't even *returning* to normal until you get your first post partum period, which for exclusive nursers (not me, unfortunately) can be a long time!!<br><br>
Be gentle with yourself mama, just love your baby with all your heart, take care of your mind and body, her mind and body, do the best you can and don't sweat the small stuff!<br><br>
You're doing great!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Oh, mama, I could have written that post myself a couple months ago. When dd was first born, I was just sooooooo unhappy. I expected some baby blues, but wasn't prepared for what I actually went though. The lack of sleep was the worst. And breastfeeding was SO HARD at first! And it's hard getting to know your baby; "Is that a hungry cry? Is she wet?" etc etc etc.<br><br>
I look back on that first month or so as THE hardest time of my life. I really had to sit back and give myself permission to RELAX. I stopped trying to CD for a while. I stopped cooking for a while, and had DH bring home take out EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I just needed time to figure out where I could fit things around dd's schedule. I let my house get absolutely DISASTROUS, like, to the point that I didn't want anyone to come over to see the baby because my house was such a freaking mess.<br><br>
And, then, I slowly started building things back up. I just added a little bit at a time; like a load of laundry a day; and then running the dishwasher every day. Eventually I was back to cooking, cleaning, showering on an almost daily basis :LOL I even have days when I have time to READ A BOOK! :LOL<br><br>
Seriously, it will get sooo much better. And in a few months, you'll see a newborn baby and look at your little darling and try to remember your dd being that little. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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Can I bring up this slightly older thread? I'm going through major guilt lately too, and I think it's getting worse just because I'm tired, stressed, and dealing a newborn and two year-old. I revisited this forum with my second child, and I'm learning a lot and wish I had been reading it periodically with my first. But I'm so vulnerable to guilt lately. So many people here do so much, and there's always someone who's an expert in some area, big or small (like on homemade slings, or on media and children, or gardening) and pretty soon it seems like each and every poster is doing all of these things, when they most likely are not.<br><br>
I mean, I had natural births, bf, co-sleep, sling, buy organic (found a cheap farm delivery, yay), don't cio, sling, attempt gentle discipline, yadda yada. But it seems I have no confidence with my own decisions. I made the decision to vax my first because it's a field I'm not terribly confortable calling the shots in, I read a lot, and felt their were risks either way and made my decision. I'm trying to space out and skip some with second child, but of course I feel bad that I didn't do that the first time (though I know there wll always be things I get right with one and not the other). I had been so overwhelmed with researching bfing and birth and actual baby care at the time....I feel like I didn't look into it enough. And then there's the disposables. I could run a small country's electricity if guilt could power it. We were first in an apartment without a washer dryer of our own, so I didn't. And then when we moved we did have a washer and dryer, but we didn't have a dishwasher which was like an endless chore, I was freelancing at night from home, son was a tough sleeper and keeping me up bfing a lot, I was making homemade baby food for him and not letting him cio and doing everything I could to take care of him and still make some money. I just felt I couldn't handle another chore, and everyone who had tried it told me that it was so much extra work. Now I'm hearing that it's really not, and I'm trying to switch over but I can't even make the time to research it online and figure out what to get. And I feel bad that I didn't at least try it.<br><br>
I don't know why I'm beating myself up so much. I mean, if I want to make a change, why not? Sometimes I make a big deal out of little things, and that is part of what annoys me. Like, why not just try to switch to CD, and if it's too much work, then stop. Or I could use both. But then, I also feel that I had my reasons, and it's fine to change, but maybe I'm just not respecting my own decisions a little too. Sometimes I even feel funny reading here, b/c my son lost interest in bfing at 14 months so I (veeery easily) weaned him, and he stopped co-sleeping at 9 months, and I would like my second to do the same. I even let my son cry for short periods a few times when he was nearly one because I was DYING of frustration and exhaustion, and the guilt lives on. Now we struggle with gD and that's just more guilt. I am very vulnerable also when I read something judgmental about these things, even if people are in different situations with different resources, or maybe don't do some things that I do.<br><br>
I've never aimed to be some sort of "perfect" mother, and I don't even refer to myself as AP, I just follow several of the ideals. And yet I am falling right into that harmful way of thinking. I keep telling myself to just do what I can, and stop feeling guilty, but it's hard. Sometimes I wonder if therapy would help. So I don't embarass myself here so much with endless posts on guilt. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/upsidedown.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="upsidedown">
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Oh, Hazelnut, I SO hear you. I'm totally ignoring the vax thing because I just don't have the energy to look into it. I have one month to decide what to do. And I spent a stupid amount fo time this AM debating with myself which cost more - the sposies or the energy and water to wash CD's all the time. The debate itself is a huge waste, I realized.<br><br>
Yesterday was a hard day. I think the large amount of wheat I ate was really hard on little dd, and it meant that with her unconsolable crying both I and my dh ended up in sobbing jags at one point. This newborn thing is a b*tch. Yesterday I had to leave her in her crib for about four minutes while I did something, and I felt like an ogre. But I knew if I didn't, I'd lose it. Not an option.<br><br>
I've decided to look into food stamps and other financial help. This will at least take some of the guilt and fear about not working off my head.<br><br>
I feel like not only is it my own guilt I'm dealing with, but the past. My mom BF me for two weeks. Then I cried incessantly for 8 months. I feel some of my own mistrust in the world may come form that -- mom loves me very much and did what she could, but I don't want to give that legacy to my dd.<br><br>
Oh, we can go in cirlces, can't we??!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wild.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wild"><br><br>
I'm taking it an hour at a time now. I'm releasing expectations of myself and my child and trying to relax. I relize my worrying does no good for anyone.<br><br>
And yes, this forum is a life saver, but it can be hard when there is always a mom who is stellar at some NF living dealy. I mean, I am THE hippie mom among my friends and family, but here I feel like I fall short. Okay. Enough kicking myself. I'm trying to just breathe and take it easy and congratulate myself on having a gorgeous, smart, cute, strong baby goddess.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Be kind to yourself <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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I know, the book I had about vaccinations (What Your Pediatrician May Not Tell You About Vaccinations, by stephanie Cave) sat unread on my shelf for a long time because I was too afraid to read it. It sure sounds to me like you do <i>a lot,</i> and your baby is still brand spanking new! While I totally understand, which was sort of my point in that rambling post, and it's good to know I'm not the only one thinking this way, when I see how some hard-working mamas guilt trip themselves, it makes me more understanding of myself. <i>They shouldn't feel guilty!</i> I think. And then I realize that I probably shouldn't either. I'm definitely not perfect, but it's harder when you know what areas you're a little short of perfection in. You're totally right. The debates in my head are a waste of energy sometimes. To some extent, guilt can be motivating if I think I've made a wrong decision. But it can get out of control.
 

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I really think you should concentrate your effort on what is going to effect how your child grows and develops, emotionally, physically, and mentally. Cloth diapering in the long run isn't going to make that much difference. I know it is good for the earth, but if something has got to give, it would be one of the first things to go (plenty of things had to "give" at our house, so we don't cloth diaper). I also think that as long as your milk supply is doing well, that pumping isn't an evil thing. I had to do it occassionally because DH and I were taking some night classes and DD had to stay at her grandparents. I also had to do it some in the beginning because both of my nipples started bleeding and getting scabbed, it just hurt too much to have her latch on as often as she wanted. So, for us, pumping really helped, I think I might have given up on breastfeeding without being able to pump occassionally. It didn't effect my supply, everytime I have had any doubts whatsoever about my supply, I take Fenugreek, and it bumps it up. I actually wish I still could pump sometimes so that DD could have breastmilk with her solid meals but the girls just won't give it up for the pump anymore (but will as always for DD, guess the muscles got used to what she feels like).<br><br>
There are plenty of things you can buy if you start running out of time and still want natural. The Burt's Bees lines of baby products I think is excellent, and there are lots of other brands, as well.<br><br>
If you think you have thrush, have you tried opening up the acidophilus caplet and putting the powder directly on your nipple?
 

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Me too!<br>
I have been cd-ing for 3 years and I recently discovered after a vacation that my kids are more comfortable and get fewer rashes in pullups. And their clothign fits better.<br>
I have hated sposies for so long and I find myself gazing lovingly at a packet of costly disposable diapers like it is expensive luxuriant godiva chocolate.<br>
And it is just diapers. The kind that most moms use every day. And I have done most of my kids diapering in cloth. And for every cloth I used that is one less sposie I used. But I just cant work up that ferver for cloth that i used to have. And I guiltily buy sposies and hope my dh doesnt get mad at my laziness.<br>
We all have to give ourselves a break once in a while.<br>
Hold your head high mama you are doing a GREAT job.<br>
Joline
 

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I worried about some German studies I had heard of possibly linking male infertility to disposable diapers, so my personal concern was partly self and child-centered, but I don't think it's something that's necessarily proven at this point. I tried to research it a bit more and couldn't find out much about it.<br><br>
I agree though-- a patient, rested mom is healthier for a kid than a stressed out one who is doing everything the "right" way.<br><br>
I admire anyone who takes the trouble to pump instead of supplementing. Not that supplementing with formula is evil or anything, but it's great when a mom who can't be there constantly pumps. I'm at home right now, and even with breaks, I'd just assume curtail my outing than have to pump.
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">Oh, Hazelnut, I SO hear you. I'm totally ignoring the vax thing because I just don't have the energy to look into it. I have one month to decide what to do.<br><br>
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Just wanted to address this, Clea. Do NOT put a time limit on how long you have to make this important decision. Yes, the Doctors would have you believe that you have to have a concrete decision made by the two month appointment, but you don't. Remember, you can always vax later, but you can't un-vax. Just my .02. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> PM me if you need some support in this area. I'm in the middle of expending huge amounts of energy researching the subject.<br><br>
By the way, if it makes you feel any better I'm just placing my order for CD now, so you've been doing it almost 5 wks. longer than me! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Okay -- I'll stop stressing. After ranting and whining here, I got clear for myself what REALLY bothers me. THis may seem sort of silly.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wild.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wild"><br><br>
It's pride -- I don't want everyone I know who is not so into CD's, natural birth, BFing, slinging, etc., to have an "I told you so" attitude. That was one of the reasons I was so happy to have had what my dh called a "textbook natural childbirth". All those people who said, oh, we'll see, she'll have an epidural before she knows it -- they can't say that anymore. And all my relatives who bought me sposies instead of the AIO's I asked for just expected I would see the light and not try the silly CDing -- my pride just can't stand that I use sposies every night and sometimes during the day. I am committed to not doing the same-old thing, to be different from mainstream corporate culture. But sometimes it IS easier to use those crutches -- which is how they feel sometimes, especially when they go against something I beleive in, like carrying my babe close to me or reducing my use of plastic -- for without them, I'd surely be limping and sore more than I already am.<br><br>
So maybe brusied pride is a better descriptor than guilt.
 

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hhmm, that's interesting. I think I know what you mean on some level. Our society also makes it fairly difficult to do anything but the mainstream, easier, usually less healthy choice. "Giving in" so to speak can feel frustrating. Though sometimes I think maybe something <i>does</i> have to give, if only because life is busy and most of us have a lot on our plate and families and mothers usually don't get a helluva lot of support either- and giving in to something doesn't mean you've abandonded your general philosophy. I don't think using some of those sposies you were given proves them right. I'm sure they imagined you'd throw those cloth diapers you bought right out with the disposable bibs you'd magically come around to. And you didn't. I totally felt that way about natural childbirth. All those people condescending to me about how I didn't know what I was talking about kind of irritated me when they would just dismiss something that was important to me and that I had carefully prepared for.<br><br>
It's so true about the vax thing. I wish I had known that I could have waited. those fucking timetables they hand you. It makes me angry that you have to read like 3 books about every topic to have some idea how fucked up everything is in mainstream pediatrics.
 
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