[poisonedapple]

My sweet daughter Arianna, that was always the sweetest has become a non-listening little girl. It all happened when she turned 3, pretty much literally, shortly after we had a lot of trauma in having to leave our home and only seeing her daddy a two days a week because we werent able to be at home near his work. So we owed a lot to that and having to live at my folks, that was rough on us all.<br><br>
Then we had a new baby in April just as we got back in our home, and this has been a pretty big year for her, so I want to do things with compassion, but honestly Im just near tears I dont know what to do. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><br><br>
She just does not listen, and I dont know how to teach her to listen. If you say something simple like hand mommy the wipes by your feet, she will turn around and look by the tv 5 feet from her. Thats just what comes to mind, she is not good at following direction, and this goes into EVERYTHING!!! Do not dance/sing while you pee and William/Aislyn are sleeping, be quiet on the stairs, dont shout/yell. My favorite, dont push on your sisters stomach (like the heimlick sp) but she does it anyway!!!<br><br>
Ugh Ive tried so many things, cant be everything because there has to be a way to have harmony in our home again and for me to not be the mean mommy. DH is at work most of hte time so its me who comes off as the 'bad cop' and Im just tired of it. I feel like just in telling her no, or having her sit out for a few minutes is alienating me from the family. It frustrates me to get mad at dh, and Im just so tense from this that my neck chronically hurts.<br><br>
I just do not know what to do. I see that there are a lot of posts by scanning titles that are similar to this so Ill read responses there, Ij ust had to get this off my chest and vent a little.

 

[luv my 2 sweeties]

Well I'll just offer you a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> since I don't have much in the way of great advice. Sounds like you *do* have a lot going on, but it's also partly the age. My dd really began to ignore us much more at age 3, and we didn't have any significant changes in our family. It's totally frustrating, so I sympathize. Things are a little better now that she's 4. She still ignores us sometimes, but not as much as she used to. One little thing that has helped is to teach her to say "I'm thinking" if we've asked a question and she doesn't have an answer right away. (Little ones have to think about simple choices longer sometimes.) Also, as she gets older, I feel more justified in imposing a consequence if she ignores me. Actually, I virtually never get to the consequence -- counting works great with my dd (I know it doesn't for everyone). She never lets me get past 2 for ignoring.

 

[Fianna]

I think a really big part of it is the age. My incredibly kind, agreeable, easy-going 1st dd went through a really challenging phase in her 3's. I attributed it at the time to the birth of her baby sister, but in retrospect after hearing lots of other moms talk about the challenging 3's, I think maybe it wasn't all about the new baby.<br><br>
I think in our case age 3 was when she really first began to assert some independence. And there aren't too many ways for a toddler to do that other than to buck authority! My dh usually handles those types of situations wonderfully, much better than I do, and I try to learn from him. Whereas I have to be careful not to launch into authoritative mode and start barking orders (which NEVER works and just isn't the way to parent IMO) dh's first line of defense is always something playful and humorous. DD doesn't want to hand over the remote? Then the tickle monster usually starts chasing her around the house. DD doesn't want to pick up the broccoli she accidentally spilled on the floor? OK, then dad is going to plant it in her ear and grow a brocolli tree! Usually giggles ensue, the desired behavior is achieved - eventually- and life resumes. Then later once everyone is in a happy and agreeable mood, we can talk about why we made the request we did and why it's important for dd to cooperate with us.<br><br>
Yes, it is impossible to make every challenging situation turn into something fun. But the more we do things that way, the fewer challenging times we have. Usually my girls get really grumpy and ornery when I've been preoccupied, too busy and distracted. When I can spend a few minutes being silly and pretending to be a tickle monster, then it seems to reset everyone's equilibrium.