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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm in the middle of a divorce and unfortunately, my soon-to-be-ex refuses to move out which feels like entrapment: I can't move on with my life with him living with me. I can't date (not that I'm so desperate to do that right now anyway), I can't join Parents w/o Partners, I can't really even have guests over. I can't get a better job (alimony issues), I don't have any peace, I don't have any privacy. And I don't know what the hell my future is going to look like. Where will I live? How will I live? How much alimony can I expect?, how much will I get from the sale of this house?How much will I owe my lawyer? I can't plan for my future because there are so many unanswered variables. I hate that my future is so foggy.
 

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Yep, I was in that situation too. I just toughed it out for a year until I knew what the divorce settlement was going to be. It sucked, but it was either that or spend money I couldn't afford on an apartment.<br><br>
Good luck to you.
 

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I am sorry. It sounds like a very difficult situation to be in. I know there have been a few moms here who have gone through the same thing. I hope you can find some resolution to the living arrangements soon.
 

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Sorry Pony<br>
I am in the middle of a divorce and actually I guess just the beginning of a long drawn out stress filled experience and it sucks! I don't even have to live with him. Can you make yourself several home away from homes? Starbucks, the library, the gym, weekend trips to relatives or friends? Would he agree to similar trips away to visit his friends or relatives? I won't be dating for a long time but I guess I am not ready for a relationsip anyway, I need to concentrate on my children and I don't have any free time.<br>
Good luck on your path <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you so much dear mamas for your understanding and support! I just got to remember that this too shall pass. I should be happy and relieved that this miserable "marriage" is finally coming to an end--by about January I'll probably be officially divorced, the assets will be divided, and I'll be a free and sovereign woman with an exciting future. That's something to look forward to! I should just focus on that. Yeah.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Hang in there.... it'll get better!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> for you mama. Sorry that you are in that situation.<br>
Just hang on and things will be better.<br>
Good Luck...
 

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I'm sorry you're going through this. You have every right to plan your future right this second. Would it be possible for you and stbx to see a mediator so you can discuss these issues with someone there? I say mediator because a counselor might muddle both of your feelings simply from you two possibly having couples therapy associations. Also, mediators know the legalities of these things and can help you crunch alimony and child support numbers early and discuss their impacts. It may not be possible for you, but if it is, it may be a big help. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> You'll get through this and things will be clearer. As my dd would say, you are strong and smart and brave!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Ya know, Mama Mia--we went to a mediator way back when but we blew alot of money for nothing because nothing was ever resolved. We both have attorneys now (and I shudder to think how much this will cost me in the end but it seems it was the only way that could have worked for us). I dread being in ANY type of counseling with him because it just turns out to be an onslaught of character assassination from him against me. I just got a letter from my atty today scheduling us for free mediation from the court regarding custody, etc. We're on our way to resolution.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>pony</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Ya know, Mama Mia--we went to a mediator way back when but we blew alot of money for nothing because nothing was ever resolved. We both have attorneys now (and I shudder to think how much this will cost me in the end but it seems it was the only way that could have worked for us). I dread being in ANY type of counseling with him because it just turns out to be an onslaught of character assassination from him against me. I just got a letter from my atty today scheduling us for free mediation from the court regarding custody, etc. We're on our way to resolution.</div>
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Just thought I'd mention that attorney fees in my case are $150,000. Better to try to mediate if possible. Just sayin...<br><br>
Good luck.<br><br>
Pete
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>pony</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Ya know, Mama Mia--we went to a mediator way back when but we blew alot of money for nothing because nothing was ever resolved. We both have attorneys now (and I shudder to think how much this will cost me in the end but it seems it was the only way that could have worked for us). I dread being in ANY type of counseling with him because it just turns out to be an onslaught of character assassination from him against me. I just got a letter from my atty today scheduling us for free mediation from the court regarding custody, etc. We're on our way to resolution.</div>
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A good counselor would not let that happen. i'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad a resolution is in sight! I'll be thinking of you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat">
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
You must have had a pretty long and complex divorce. Our case is pretty simple. We don't have alot of assets to haggle over. I'm guessing ( & hoping) that it'll be less than 10k.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>pony</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You must have had a pretty long and complex divorce. Our case is pretty simple. We don't have alot of assets to haggle over. I'm guessing ( & hoping) that it'll be less than 10k.</div>
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Well, we had about $300,000 equity in our home, so the lawyers wanted all of it - and made sure we were fighting each other until it was all gone. The issue wasn't property as much as it was custody. My first divorce (no kids involved) cost $750.00 - I pick up the tab for the whole thing <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> . We just agreed to split everything down the middle.<br><br>
Pete
 
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