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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know that, I shouldn't have a problem with this. My kids are 11, 7, and just-turned-4. I have been a SAHM since the first was born, and I am feeling very burned out right now. Part of me would love to leave the kids with dh and go away for the weekend, maybe to visit my sister and niece, who live in another state.

But I am scared of leaving the kids with dh. He is a competent adult, and their father, but I can't quit thinking of the what ifs. What if a car pulls into the driveway and dd (youngest) runs outside and dh isn't looking? What if she climbs up on the stove and turns on a burner (gas--open flame!!!). What if I get on the plane and then freak about not being able to go home? What if the plane crashes and my children are left motherless? What if... You get the idea.

Part of it is that I'm just a worrier. Part of it is that dh tends to think of the kids all in one group, and doesn't seem to realize that the 4-year-old can't be treated the same as the 11-year-old or the 7-year-old.

I keep telling myself that I'm being crazy, but I can't put these thoughts out of my head. If I can't put these thoughts aside, what else could we do to give me a break?

I'm not sure if this belongs here or in Parents as Partners--apologizing in advance to the mods if it's in the wrong place.
 

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I think you aren't giving your dh enough credit. You said it yourself..he's a competant adult and their father. Frankly, and I hope this doesn't sound harsh, you need to show him you trust him as their father. You are doing a diservice to your dh. This is a man you married and had children with;he can do it, maybe not exactly how you would, but safely and competantly.

Reverse the situation: your dh wants to leave for the weekend but can't bring himself to do it because he's so worried about how you'll manage with your children. Something will go wrong, you just can't handle it. How would you feel? Imagine how he feels.

Take the break, leave the worries and fears behind. Trust that you will be fine, your kids will be fine and your dh will be fine. You can't predict everything and can't live life in fear of what-ifs. How frustrating that must be. Take the much needed break and enjoy yourself.
 

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No matter what we like to think......we cannot control things in our lives. Things could happen as easily with you as with your dh.

I am a single mom who HAS to send her children away to spend time with their dad (and my kids are younger than yours) and he isn't really all that competent. It is difficult, but part of our life so I accept it and welcome the break.

We as mom's need a break. My father used to tell me that I had to take care of myself first. He said that my kids would be much better off being left for a short time without me while I take a break than if I didn't take a break and the stress builds up and create some physical thing or have something else happen where we could be separated long term or indefinately.
 

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I agree with PP's...it might be a little different if you still had an exclusively breastfed baby at home, but at the ages your children are you have to give your DH some credit.

Any of those things could happen just as easily with you around too.

I so WISH my DH would keep the kids for a weekend getaway.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I know all of you are right, and I know I'm not being rational about this. Something could happen when I'm gone for a few hours shopping. Something could happen to me when I'm out on the road. Something could happen to one of the kids when I'm in charge.

And I have left the older ones with dh, when the middle one was 4, the same age my youngest is now. I guess it just felt different because I had one with me.

I really would love to spend some time with my sister and niece (who is grown) without the stress of trying to keep my kids occupied. I'm still trying to work up my courage, but this reality check definitely helped. Thanks so much for your responses.
 

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I agree with pps. I would try for a couple of short periods of time first and see how you feel. Going away for a couple of hours and being able to come back and find the house intact may go a long way to making it easier.

I hope you don't mind me asking but do you have some anxiety or agoraphobia issues? My mother had agoraphobia when we were growing up and basically couldn't go out of the house without both my sister and me and couldn't eat in a restaurant that didn't serve alcohol. Not saying you're like this your post just reminded me of something my mother would say so I thought maybe there is another underlying issue you need to deal with?
 

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I'm kind of like you only it isn't with my DH. He IS the primary caregiver of DS (he is a wahd and DS is home with him). I work 50+hours per week and I NEED an occassional break or 2.

I commend you for going this long without a break. I have a hard time leaving DS with anyone BUT DH.

I need a break right now and I am taking it...this Friday. I'm leaving work early, going to lunch and take in a movie (of course, all of this is 5minutes away from my home).

Does your DH feel guilty when HE takes breaks?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Verity
I know all of you are right, and I know I'm not being rational about this. Something could happen when I'm gone for a few hours shopping. Something could happen to me when I'm out on the road. Something could happen to one of the kids when I'm in charge.
Yes that's true. But, what is also true and MUCH more likely is that everyone will be just fine. Everyone will eat, sleep, breath, and maybe even have some fun.

I tend to be a real optimist and instead of looking at the negatives.....maybe you could spend some time considering how this will be a good thing for everyone.

Like I said earlier. We only pretend that we have control over things. We don't. We can't really control anything. So, it's better to live life in the moment and savour everything along the way because it's all we can really control!
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I have left the older ones overnight several times. When my oldest was almost 8 and my middle child was 4, I took the youngest and went on a trip for three days. Somehow it seems different now. Maybe it's because I'm leaving my youngest, and I'll be alone?

Dh and I did leave all three kids with his parents for one night back in April, and the youngest was fine, but they aren't willing to have all three kids for longer than that. Since my dh works from home and I am a SAHM, I see a LOT of him, so I'd really rather get away alone. Also, I would love some time with my sister that is just relaxed, and not filled with the stress of some holiday or other event. (I just saw her for her ds's college graduation, and it was nice, but there was a lot of stress.)

I do have anxiety issues, though I'm not agoraphobic. (I think a lot of it goes back to growing up in a house with an alcoholic, verbally abusive father. I spent most of my childhood wondering when the other shoe would drop, YK?) I could see my anxiety getting worse, possibly turning into agoraphobia, if I don't work on resolving on my issues, though. That's probably another reason I should just go. When everything turns out ok, I think it will go a long way toward helping me get over my irrational fears about something happening to me or my kids.

TBH, I am in a much better mood since I brought up the idea with my sister (she loves it!) and have been looking at flights. I think it really will be good for all of us.

Thank you so much for helping me work through this!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahrose
I think you aren't giving your dh enough credit. You said it yourself..he's a competant adult and their father. Frankly, and I hope this doesn't sound harsh, you need to show him you trust him as their father. You are doing a diservice to your dh. This is a man you married and had children with;he can do it, maybe not exactly how you would, but safely and competantly.
: You two are partners & thus should trust one another. You can't try & control all aspects of life. Try to lossen the reigns a bit mama. I bet it'll feel good.
 

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What SarahRose said ...

... AND, your kids need to know that they can depend on their father every bit as much as they can you. He is every bit as much their parent as you are. If you feel that you can't trust him to take care of them well (not the same as you do, but well anyway), I'm betting that the kids will pick up on that.

Go and have fun!

Namaste!
 
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