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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
SO and I recently decided to eat better foods - I eat meat only rarely, but SO used to eat a lot of it - so he decided to eat only organic, "wild," or locally raised meat. I think this is great, we can afford it, so I'm happy to buy those meats for him <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
The problem is when we visit my family - my mother is a wonderful cook, I love her food, and so does SO. She does not, however, buy into the need to get grass-fed beef or anything organic. I assumed that SO would put a moratorium on his meat restrictions when we're guests at someone else's house (my Mom's mainly) - but he said he would just tell my family that he doesn't eat that kind of meat anymore and offer to buy the meat for each dinner so it can be organic or local.<br><br>
It's my opinion that we're never there longer than a day or two, and that amount of non-organic meat won't kill him - so he shouldn't be rude and should, in essence "suck it up" and eat what he is served. He thinks its not rude to offer to buy the meat, and that his choice to eat only organic meat is no different than if he were vegetarian/kept kosher/vegan/etc. I disagree.<br><br>
What do you all think? My mother is so sensitive, I feel like she'll be crushed if he doesn't eat what she cooks, and insulted if he says he'll bring the meat. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: Sorry this is so long <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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Hmmm. considering that she is so sensitive and sounds like she may not quite understand that way of thinking, I tend to agree with you. sorry to your SO, but seriously - that is a little self righteous IMO...those kinds of things your SO might fair better by letting it go once in a while. I won't eat crappy processed foods at family or friend's houses', but I either offer to bring something of my own or I eat something else they are serving...you gotta draw the line somewhere, yk?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Self-righteous, exactly! I tried to tell him that I thought it sounded "snobby" and that's not at all who he is, but he wouldn't hear it.<br><br>
I know what you mean about the processed junk, I ask for water if soda's served, and generally people know that I don't eat junk - so they'll have something else or I'll just drink and eat later.<br><br>
My mom, however, will always be *my mom* and I eat what she puts on the table for us and appreciate that she went to the trouble to make SO and I a homecooked meal from the heart. Maybe I'm just a spoiled baby!
 

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I think it depends on why he wants to eat only "wild" meat. If it's strictly for health reasons, then yeah, suck it up. But if it's for moral reasons, as in he doesn't want to eat animals that have suffered, been caged, etc. before being killed, then I support his refusal to eat "regular" meat.
 

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I'm not sure what is the right thing to do, but my gut agrees with you and thinks that if it is an occasional thing he should be polite and eat what is offered. I would feel a little insulted if someone offered to buy food to bring to my house like that because mine wasn't good enough for them. I can also understand his point. It's a pretty tough one. I'm going to have to think more about this one.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>*Jessica*</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10808674"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm not sure what is the right thing to do, but my gut agrees with you and thinks that if it is an occasional thing he should be polite and eat what is offered. I would feel a little insulted if someone offered to buy food to bring to my house like that because mine wasn't good enough for them.</div>
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Yeah, that. I think it *is* rude to offer to buy the meat for them, because it does imply that theirs isn't good enough/that they can't afford it. I think he should either a) "suck it up" and eat what's offered him; b) tell them a little white lie that he's gone vegetarian (and maybe you can mention this in advance so your mom/whoever can prepare/plan a veg meal? or enough sides that he can eat them and still be satisfied); or c) he could also say he wants to cook his special signature dish for the family, and he brings ALL the supplies for it and cooks it himself. But it's not polite to supply the ingredients and ask someone else to cook it for you, b/c their ingredients aren't good enough, IMO.<br><br>
We are in a similar position -- my DP has drastically cut down on his meat consumption b/c he doesn't want to eat the junky stuff anymore. He will occasionally get a good farm chicken or buy something organic, but mostly he eats vegetarian now. BUT when we are out or at someone's house, he happily partakes of their meat (ooh, that sounds bad <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">) and enjoys it, even if it's a splurge for him in terms of his health. He considers it like having any kind of splurge -- eating something deep-fried, or a big decadent chocolate pastry, or something like that. So I do understand the dilemma, but personally I think your SO should deal with it differently.<br><br>
HTH! Good luck. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Hm, that's tough. If it were my situation I'd ask my husband to toughen up and just eat it anyway. One time isn't going to kill him, especially for family. Are you sure this doesn't go down deeper? Like a problem with your in-laws? Would he do the same to new friends for instance? Because I've done semi-similar things before just out of spite or to be annoying. I can be such a tool. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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He should eat your mom's meat. I have done some serious food flexing in the name of courtesy, manners, and good relationships, and never regretted it. If there's a medical issue (like an allergy or diabetes, not just preferring something more healthful) or religious issue, that's different.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thank you all so much for the replies! We had this ... discussion, on Sunday and it's been eating away at me ever since (and we're not even going to visit my family any time soon).<br><br>
Greeny - by "wild" I meant he would eat game (we get some venison and elk every now and then) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> and no it's not for any moral reason, he just thinks it's better for his health in the long run, if it was for a moral reason I would be more apt to talk with my family about it<br><br>
Jessica - (I'm a Jessica too!) I mulled it around in my head for a long time before I talked to him about it, I just couldn't decide (as with the title of my thread lol) if I was being overly sensitive or if this was something I had the right to be anxious about<br><br>
VikingKvinna - that's exactly it! you really hit the nail on the head as to why I feel like it's rude. I don't think he would do the white lie of vegetarianism, he still loves his meat too much (ha that sounds dirty too). I tried the splurge reasoning with him, but he's so convinced eating conventional meats will lead to his early painful death he just countered with crazy "okay i'll splurge on cocaine every now and then too" things <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
Eliza - I did wonder that a little - i don't know why he would have issues with them though, they're very good to us in terms of watching our dog when we're away, letting us store things at their house (furniture, etc. while we look for a house) and frequently inviting us out for dinner as well. I'll try to poke around his head a little and see if something bigger is bothering him - that's a very good idea<br><br>
Thank you all <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Keep the opinions coming!
 

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Tell him to bite the bullet and eat mom's meat (wow, we all sound bad!) I'm all for choosing one's own foods carefully for health and/or moral reasons, but when I am at someone else's house I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT refuse what is served to me, it's horribly rude and pretentious.<br><br>
For example, I'm trying to personally avoid buying Canadian seafood to boycott the big seal hunt up there, and avoid Nestle products (ridiculously difficult!) because of their constantly breaking the WHO baby formula codes. Does my own husband even know this? No. It's a very personal thing for me, and I actually feel embarrassed talking about it because, to the other person, I can just imagine how all that sounds, especially if they're not on board with that kind of thing. So if someone's serving me Canadian seafood I still eat it (it DOES taste good) and if the DH wants to buy Hot Pockets and candy bars by Nestle I don't chastise him.<br><br>
AND, on the flip side of that coin, I think it sounds just as pretentious when you are the server to be announcing far and wide to your guests that everything on the table is fair trade, organic, grass-fed, wild-caught, etc. etc. Kind of like, look at me and what a socially aware gourmet I am, I want you all to know and appreciate me.
 

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I agree with pp. DH should eat what's served to him.
 

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The only thing that I would be okay with would be to offer to cook a meal for your mom and buy the ingredients yourself, but other than that I think that your mother might misunderstand your husband's concerns
 

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If it is for moral reasons, like the other poster mentioned, then I would just rather he decline that part of the dinner, and eat the other things instead.<br><br>
If it is just for healthy eating reasons, then I would say suck it up since you aren't there that often.
 

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I have a similar issue when DP and I visit my folks. Everything is super processed and the 'salad' is iceberg with a carrot slice on the side. Dp, normally crazy picky with my cooking, is a gracious guest and eats what is served. Me on the other hand...maybe I'm too comfortable 'cause it's my mom but I just go to the store the day we get there and get things for myself I know I'll be happy with. I just can't gag down frozen beef/bean burritos and chicken wings. I'm trying to do this with more tact now...I offer to make dinner every other night.<br><br>
So, for your DH...<br><br>
I think it's kinda rude to buy the meat when it's a single meal. In that case, and being that he does eat meat, he needs to just suck it up. More than one meal though...I can see there needs to be a compromise.
 
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