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My ds, who is the sweetest little boy, has a problem with perfectionism. If something does not go as planned he has a meltdown. 99% of it could go as planned but that one thing that went wrong ruins it for him. There are tears and sadness and all out frustration and nothing I say seems to help in anyway.<br><br><br>
For example, this morning he wanted to surprise me by doing everything he had to do to get ready without my asking him by the time I was out of the shower. He got dressed, brushed his teeth, packed up his back pack & scooped the litter. Totally awesome. I was so proud of him. But.....one of the cats used the litter box after he scooped and I did not get to see it and the meltdown began. The surprise was ruined. It is no good now. etc.<br><br>
I tried addressing his feelings of frustration. I suggested that sometimes it helps if you draw out your feelings-and he gave it a try but it didn't help-says him. I asked him if he could think of anything. I feel like he is just determined to wallow in his sadness rather than focusing on the positive (like the fact that he remembered to do all of what he had to do)<br><br>
I need suggestions/support/help.
 

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I have some experience with perfectionism - my dh, my oldest son and my mom are all perfectionists. So, I have been around it my whole life. I am not, but I definitely see it in my oldest. One thing I do is remind him often that it is ok to not do something perfectly. For example, cleaning is an issue with my mom and my dh. They are both packrats. My dh doesn't even know where to start when it comes to cleaning and organizing. He has this mindset that if he can't make it all perfect in one shot, then it is not worth doing. I am a big believer in baby steps. I have my ds pick up 20 things in his room when he cleans his room. It makes it better, but not "perfect". And, it is not overwhelming for him to clean this way.<br><br>
About projects and things - I read somewhere that some religious group would intentionally put a mistake into crafts - I don't remember if it is the Amish or was the Quakers, or whoever. But, the women would put a mistake in the quilts they made because only God is perfect. So, whether or not you believe in God, you could just say, "nobody's perfect" and let him know it is ok to make mistakes.<br><br>
A big help for us has been to talk about things in a non-heated moment (this works for so many issues, not just perfectionism). Mention the times when you see him trying his best. Reward the behavior, not the end result. And, model it, as well. Try your best at something and point out when you made a mistake, but mention how much fun you had in trying.
 

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This is rough. We deal with it too. I guess mostly I'd say it is an ongoing situation. A few things that may help:<br><br>
Model accepting mistakes. Talk aloud about mistakes you make "Oh well, I forgot to pick up bread, no biggie I ca do it tomorrow".<br><br>
Be as accepting as you can be of him. Don't punish and don't overpraise. Try to be low key and make sure he knows he's loved for who he is and not what he does.<br><br>
Read about perfectionism: <a href="http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/perfectionism.htm" target="_blank">http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/perfectionism.htm</a>
 
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