Show her a circ video? We never considered circing, but when we saw a video of it, we thought it was soooo sad. I think if she saw it being done, she would thing twice.
Need advice for preggo friend
I have a dear friend who is not planning on finding out the gender until delivery. That said, I really want to make sure she is educated on circing before August.
So far, she was very adamant about circing her son, but didn't really have a good reason for it. She asked my opinion and I said, "it isn't medically necessary, it does more harm than good, it is bad for sex" and I added that I would never circ a daughter, why a son?
Well...I must have pushed it too far with that last comment b/c she got fired up about how they were "no where near the same thing".
I love this gal dearly, and if after doing all the research she still chooses to circ, I will be surprised. But I think I have turned her off of any research and she will end up blindly mutilating her son.
Any advice on how I can DELICATELY bring up the topic and approach her with anti-circ information? I don't want it to seem like propoganda and I don't want to risk losing my friend over this hot issue.
So far, she was very adamant about circing her son, but didn't really have a good reason for it. She asked my opinion and I said, "it isn't medically necessary, it does more harm than good, it is bad for sex" and I added that I would never circ a daughter, why a son?
Well...I must have pushed it too far with that last comment b/c she got fired up about how they were "no where near the same thing".
I love this gal dearly, and if after doing all the research she still chooses to circ, I will be surprised. But I think I have turned her off of any research and she will end up blindly mutilating her son.
Any advice on how I can DELICATELY bring up the topic and approach her with anti-circ information? I don't want it to seem like propoganda and I don't want to risk losing my friend over this hot issue.
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Don't, don't let her tell you that male and female circumcision are complete opposites. There's many degrees of extreme when it comes to female circumcision and it can be as simple as removing the clitoral hood... which is the EXACT female version of male circ. No, don't let her get away with the brainwashing of U.S. (mainly) mentality that the foreskin is a disposable body part. Honestly, I've grown SO tired of that bulls**t! If even simply removing the clitoral hood (the least extreme MGM) sounds illogical to her, then ask her why not genital integrity for BOTH genders? Put her on the defensive which she DESERVES since she's taking control of a body that isn't even her's and permanently altering it. I guess I'm feeling... uh, "feisty" right now, but I'm tired of coddling the don't-rock-the-(pro-circ parent's)-boat mentality and having US having to scramble to defend our actions when it should be the other way around.
Originally Posted by christifav I have a dear friend who is not planning on finding out the gender until delivery. That said, I really want to make sure she is educated on circing before August. So far, she was very adamant about circing her son, but didn't really have a good reason for it. She asked my opinion and I said, "it isn't medically necessary, it does more harm than good, it is bad for sex" and I added that I would never circ a daughter, why a son? Well...I must have pushed it too far with that last comment b/c she got fired up about how they were "no where near the same thing". I love this gal dearly, and if after doing all the research she still chooses to circ, I will be surprised. But I think I have turned her off of any research and she will end up blindly mutilating her son. Any advice on how I can DELICATELY bring up the topic and approach her with anti-circ information? I don't want it to seem like propaganda and I don't want to risk losing my friend over this hot issue. |
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This sounds like the most honest truth for you and one I think she could hardly turn a deaf ear to. Can you start here? Even a little bit of curiousity on her part should get the information flow started.
Originally Posted by christifav I love this gal dearly, and if after doing all the research she still chooses to circ, I will be surprised. But I think I have turned her off of any research and she will end up blindly mutilating her son. |
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I think what happened is you hit a nerve with that statement. Up until that point, she was able to pass off everything you had said but she instantly saw the contradiction with that statement and it jolted her to her very foundations. That being the case, that is what you need to work on to get to her. Male circumcision does have a lot of equal comparisons to female circumcision both in the reasons it is done and the damage to the sexuality and homing in on the similarities will touch her deeply.
Frank
Originally Posted by christifav I added that I would never circ a daughter, why a son? Well...I must have pushed it too far with that last comment b/c she got fired up about how they were "no where near the same thing". |
Frank
My personal experience with talking to people about FGM vs. MGM is that it can really shut the conversation down and close their ears and minds rather than open them. (Yes, obviously they are equivalent so I do not want to open that discussion as I have discussed it multiple times before here.) But I have discussed it many times in real life with mamas who have circed and intact sons and many of them are not going to get it, so I say go for the tactics that work to save her son rather than trying to get everyone on the same song sheet about the evils of all genital mutilation.
I would talk to her again - start with the AAP statement that routine infant circumcision is not recommended for any therapeutic reasons, which means it's cosmetic surgery. And talk about the risks and complications - ask her to ask her friends who have had circed sons if they've had any problems or complications, send her a website that has pix of the complications that can occur. Send her to the video if necessary. Instead of comparing boys and girls just go for the "babies are born perfect as designed by God/nature and don't need cosmetic surgery." That doesn't throw the FGM in her face but may get her to think about not sending a boy to the knife at birth.
One of my favorite websites is by our MDC poster feebeeglee - it's www.oknocirc.blogspot.com - if you can get her to read this one, it covers all the info in a conversational format and has lots of links for more reference.
I would talk to her again - start with the AAP statement that routine infant circumcision is not recommended for any therapeutic reasons, which means it's cosmetic surgery. And talk about the risks and complications - ask her to ask her friends who have had circed sons if they've had any problems or complications, send her a website that has pix of the complications that can occur. Send her to the video if necessary. Instead of comparing boys and girls just go for the "babies are born perfect as designed by God/nature and don't need cosmetic surgery." That doesn't throw the FGM in her face but may get her to think about not sending a boy to the knife at birth.
One of my favorite websites is by our MDC poster feebeeglee - it's www.oknocirc.blogspot.com - if you can get her to read this one, it covers all the info in a conversational format and has lots of links for more reference.
Thank you everyone! I especially love the site Quirky sent. Very non-threatening.
Ugh...I just hope I can convince her to listen.
I liken her resistance to anyone who doesn't want to hear the contradicting point of view (whatever the issue) because they are afraid they won't be able to defend their position.
Ugh...I just hope I can convince her to listen.
I liken her resistance to anyone who doesn't want to hear the contradicting point of view (whatever the issue) because they are afraid they won't be able to defend their position.
http://www.noharmm.org/comparison.htm
Here is another link that compares male and female circ.
It may help if you validate her feelings and then ask her to look into it. Say something like "I know the idea of male and female circumcison being similar is hard for you to take...it was for me too...but if you're willing to look at some stuff I can show you why I think that now."
Casey
Here is another link that compares male and female circ.
It may help if you validate her feelings and then ask her to look into it. Say something like "I know the idea of male and female circumcison being similar is hard for you to take...it was for me too...but if you're willing to look at some stuff I can show you why I think that now."
Casey
Other than the unsanitary places they are often done I don't see how its different.
Removing the foreskin is like removing the labia and clitorial hood. Some female circs aren't even that drastic.
Removing the foreskin is like removing the labia and clitorial hood. Some female circs aren't even that drastic.
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