[Spock]

I'd like to get some input from parents who have already adopted children of another race. My dh and are in the middle of the homestudy process to adopt a child internationally. We had been planning to adopt from China mainly because my BIL is married to a woman from China and there is already a family connection to the child's birth country. I had thought that I was sure that China was the right choice for us but lately I keep thinking about adopting from India. I'm fairly certain that we would be adopting from India if there were no family connection to China. I can't really explain it, but I just keep thinking of our future child as Indian, not Chinese.

I guess what I would like are your thoughts on how important you think the connection to China is. My dh thinks it's pretty important especially since his brother and SIL (the one from China) are the guardians of our kids if we should die and most of SIL's family is still in China. I agree that it's an important consideration but I think there are other factors too. I think incorporating Indian culture into our lives will come more naturally than Chinese culture since I have always had a strong interest in India and would be going to Indian cultural events with or without a child. I feel incorporating Chinese culture into our lives is going to be a little more forced.

So, if anyone has any words of wisdom I'd appreciate it. We have our next homestudy visit in a month and I'd like to have a decision by then. TIA!

 

[dharmamama]

I don't think that the family's China connection is a big enough issue to base your decision on. We adopted from Ethiopia and had no ties whatsoever there. We made our own. If we die, our kids guardians will be decidedly non-Ethiopian. I am a big believer that we know where our kids are, and if you think your kid is in India, go for it.

Namaste!

 

[fenwickmama]

ITA, we knew our son was in guatemala.

 

[Starr]

We initially had thought of Russia just because some friends of ours brought back two girls at the time we were starting to look at agencies, but after about a week both Dh and I felt pulled to Guatemala. Luckily for us because it was the only country we qualified for

. I would go with whats in your heart and not what "could" make more sense logically. Good luck.

 

[Stayseeliz]

We are in the process of adopting domestically but will be adopting a child of another race. We would like a hispanic baby since my BIL is hispanic and my nieces are as well. But we'll take whatever God gives us!

We also hope to adopt from Romania one day..We have a few ties with Romania as we've gone a mission trip there and know a few people who live there but nothing major.

I think as long as you teach them about their country and culture and maybe all go to visit one day then everything will be fine!

 

[Diane B]

I think that wherever your child is from, you will have a special connection to that country and culture because it will be part of this child that you love so, so much. I doubt that it will feel forced once your child is home with you, and once you visit.

Frankly, like Dharmamama, neither my partner nor myself had any particular ties to Guatemala, but there are a lot of folks around us that have those connections (we're finding!), it's not that far away by air, and there is a fairly large Latino population in our city (although not so many Guatemalans.) We completely fell in love with the country during our visit, and plan to go back as often as possible once our daughter is old enough for the trips. We initially felt a lot more connected to Vietnam for lots of reasons, but adoptions from there were on hold until quite recently, so it wasn't an option two-three years ago.

My understanding is that it has become more difficult for people of non-Indian heritage to adopt from India, at least in the United States, so it might be worth investigating the situation carefully too.

 

[cyndimo]

Is India open to placing children with families that are not of Indian descent? I thought I'd heard no, but my info might be really old.

 

[Spock]

Quote:

Originally Posted by cyndimo Is India open to placing children with families that are not of Indian descent? I thought I'd heard no, but my info might be really old.

From what I've read, preference is given to families of Indian descent but it is open to families of other backgrounds. That's what it says on our agency's website, at least. I'll definitely doublecheck, though.

Thanks for all your answers! It's great to hear from moms who've BTDT!

 

[sesa70]

I wish it were as easy... I really feel in my heart out next baby is a little boy from Guatemala. We have one domestically adopted dd and one bio dd. My dh on the other hand, feels in his heart that our next baby is a little girl from China! So, since we cant afford to do both, we will probalby find a different country all together

:

Guatemala makes sense to me on so many levels... I am hispanic and bilingual and grew up in a spanish speaking-only home. It would make the transition so much easier for everyone! It would not even be a stretch to encorporate the hispanic culture in our lives, its already there!

 

[griffin2004]

Quote:

Originally Posted by librarydragon I guess what I would like are your thoughts on how important you think the connection to China is.

Nice, but not essential. Certainly not big enough to be a deal maker or breaker.

Quote:

Originally Posted by librarydragon I think incorporating Indian culture into our lives will come more naturally than Chinese culture since I have always had a strong interest in India and would be going to Indian cultural events with or without a child. I feel incorporating Chinese culture into our lives is going to be a little more forced.

I think this is a much more important attitude, connection, whatever you want to call it.

I knew zip about Guatemala when I started my adoption process. But I knew I wanted C. or S. American going in because, like you, that's where my interest lies, that's what I'm more familiar with, etc.

The international adoption process is challenging enough on a good day. I say smooth out the parts where you can (like country selection) and buckle up for the other parts.

Good luck to you in your decision.

 

[EFmom]

I'm sure it all depends on your particular situation. My kids (adopted from China) are now a little older than most of the children adopted by moms on this board. My oldest is 9 and my younger dd is close to 6.

The whole cultural identity issue can be huge for kids. We bend over backward to include Chinese culture in our lives. We take Chinese lessons and we're active in our Chinese community center. I work at a university and I've taken steps that allow me to study and teach about modern China. I'm still not sure we're doing enough from some of the conversations I have with my 9 year old and her older adopted friends.

Personally, I'd kill to have a SIL from the same culture as our kids. Well, maybe not kill, as I

most of my existing SILs, but you get the drift.

We have always done what we could to cupport our kids' cultural identities, but I'm not entirely sure I understood just how very important it can be for some (but not for all) kids until fairly recently, both from my own kids and from forming relationships with Chinese-American students with whom I teach.

 

[Elowyn]

I'd say follow your heart & your gut on this one. If you believe your child's in India, so be it. But that's just my still-waiting-for-referral 2 cents.

 

[Em T]

Hi, everyone, I'm new to the boards, although I took Mothering magazine for about 20 years starting in the 1970s. We adopted a brother & sister who are Hispanic when they were 2 & 3 months.

My middle daughter told me of some friends of hers who are adopting from India & it is apparently much more difficult than from some other countries. The husband in this case was born there (is a naturalized US citizen now) & it's still a bigger deal than from other places, evidently.

 

[lauren]

Welcome Em T!

 

[irishprincess71]

There is a woman in our neighborhood who adopted from India this year. She is Indian as is her huband and it was still a very difficult process. Those in India get the first chance at each child. Her son had been rejected by 5 other families because of a heart murmur before his dossier was sent overseas to her. I am not saying it is impossible but it does seem rather difficult - then again a heart does not care about the difficulties.

Personally, I would go with my heart but the cultural connection in your family is something that many of us parents would wish for.

 

[Spock]

Thank you all for your thoughts and suggestions. Dh and I talked about it some more and I did some more looking around on the web and we've decided to stick with China. The deciding factor for us was the age of the child we will be referred. From what I've been reading, it seems that most of the kids from India are 3-4 or older and we really have our hearts set on a younger child, which is more likely from China, esp. since we are open to certain special needs. I'm feeling very sure about the decision now.

Anyway, just thought you might like an update and thanks again for all your help.