Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am facing a dilemma. Dh and and I are planning a homebirth. Before we were pregnant I had always planned to have my Mom at my birth. It seemed like she would be a comforting presence (cause she's my mommy!) and she is an RN and a lactation consultant so I thought she could also be helpful. I am in Midwifery school (with a loooong way to go) to become a CPM. So I can some day attend home births. SHE KNOWS THIS.
But - flash forward, I actually get pregnant. Suddenly the homebirth that I have been talking about for years does not seem like such a good idea to her. She comes down to visit me here in GA for my birthday as a surprise (she lives in NY) and lays into me about how dangerous this is, and why don't I just have the baby at the hospital. I got the unpleasant impression that she felt as though she had some ownership of this baby. I made it clear to her that these were not the things I needed to hear, that I needed her support, and if she could not say positive things about the decision we've made to birth at home with a CPM, she should be quiet about it.
So I have realized that she will not be an asset at our birth, that she might undermine my confidence in myself and my confidence in my midwife, and that she will really just be a hindrance. We've decided we want intimacy - and have decided no one but our doula and our midwives can be there.
But I haven't told my Mom yet. Yes, we have about 6 months till this baby comes, but I feel like I should tell her soon, so she doesn't plan on being here.
But I know how important this is to her. She mentioned the other day that she wanted to give the baby his or her first bath - and I just hemmed and hawwed. I was sort of upset that she even asked - the first bath! that is special and DH and I want to do it ourselves, why would she want to steal that from us?
So - after this novel sized post - my question is, how do I let her down gently without offending her? Ideas?
Need your help mammas!