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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Good Morning...<br><br>
Have had a problem now and then with one of the three stepsons....I have an 18 year old daughter still living at home while she finishes school...my stepsons are 12, 15, and 16....<br>
Now the situation....a few years ago I had a problem with the oldest boy stealing underwear and personal items from both myself and my daughter...his mother found these items at her house and contacted us and the situation has not repeated itself with this son....<br>
NOW the middle son is now doing it....I caught him the first time and thought the situation was over with.....but now he is doing it again....<br>
The first time he did this, my husband said he had contacted his ex wife about this...but I do not know if he really did.<br>
I need some advice on how to handle this situation and have it stopped......the "boys will be boys" crap doesn't cut it.<br>
My husband does not know that it has happened again and don't think that he sees the wrong in part of this.<br>
Your insight on this is appreciated<br><br>
Margaret
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>momtostepteens</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12375228"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My husband does not know that it has happened again and don't think that he sees the wrong in part of this.</div>
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Because of this comment, I would first sit down and have a GOOD long talk with your husband before talking to the boys. He has to see this as a serious incident, and as something he has to step in and discuss with his sons, or at the very least show his support in one way or another. Ugh, I just can't imagine...
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I found this again this morning, and the hubby was at work......I will speak w/ him before his boys come back here this coming weekend.......<br>
I have put locks on both my own bedroom door and my daughter's....guess I will have to change them again.....<br>
But what type of punishment is suitable for this? He was grounded here (two days) but doubt there was any punishment at his mother's because of her not being told by my hubby.....Hubby plays good time Charlie....he doesn't want to punish the boys when they are here......<br>
I have heard the "boys will be boys" one too many times and have reminded him that they could be doing this to other ppl along w/ us......and it is against the law.....<br>
So any advice on this situation is GREATLY appreciated.
 

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I do not think this is a "boys will be boys" situation at all! This is totally inappropriate. Somewhere down the line, no one explained to these boys about healthy and appropriate sexuality and inappropriate/violation of privacy sexuality.<br><br>
I would have a long, serious talk with your husband. And then I think BOTH of you should sit the boys down for a talk about healthy sexuality and unhealthy behaviors that violate the privacy of others.<br><br>
Personally, I would be really freaked out if my step brothers had taken my panties. Or my mom's panties, for that matter.<br><br>
I think this kind of stuff should be addressed, out in the open so that they understand why this is inappropriate and why it can't continue.
 

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Yeah, I dealt with this growing up from my older brother. It is truly disgusting. Your DH needs to understand how much of a violation of privacy this is and then he needs to impart this to his sons. I don't know that this necessarily needs a punishment, though. I think the embarassment of being caught doing this may be enough to stop it or at least I hope it would.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
This is not the first time that this step son has done this....so having the talk doesn't seem to have done any good.....That is why I am asking about appropriate punishment...<br><br>
I do think that his mother should be involved in this, whether or not my husband likes it...what if my step son is also doing this to her?<br><br>
I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place...and I have told him before that this is against the law and the Sheriff wouldn't look too kindly on this behavior......but it didn't seem to sink in, since he is continuing the behavior.
 

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Hmmm...I am not much help then on how to handle it. I am just so glad I have all girls now. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
Maybe having an open discussion with the whole family would work. You and your DD could tell him how it makes you feel violated. Otherwise, I am at a loss. Sorry you are dealing with this.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>momtostepteens</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12380015"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">This is not the first time that this step son has done this....so having the talk doesn't seem to have done any good.....That is why I am asking about appropriate punishment...<br></div>
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I would talk to your DH again and hope that he can help explain to the boys how this is wrong.<br>
I am not sure what an appropriate punishment since it appears that locks are not working. I would consider counseling but I dont consider that a "punishment". I think they need to understand appropriate sexual behaviors. I think threatening them with police or punishing them isnt going to help at the root cause of the problem.<br>
I really believe they need to understand how to express themselves sexually and that you and your daughter are family and shouldnt be considered sexual. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
UPDATE:<br>
Situation was handled last night after the boys got here...Dad hit the roof not only with the boy, but also with me....after clarifying a few things and reminding both dad and son that this is illegal activity and it could possibly escalate and it needed to be "nipped in the bud"......Dad finally agreed.<br>
When discussing punishment, we have decided to take some more privelages away...AND he is to return the items and apologize to my daughter again...AND the boy had to call his bio mom and tell her what he had done again.....Now this is where it really shocked me......SHE hit the roof with him and ended up hanging up on him......then the boy looks at me and says at least I didn't scream at him the way his mother had......made me feel a little better.<br>
This situation was discussed in front of both the other boys and all were reminded that my daughter was also a sister to them and that is was inappropriate behavior to even think of things in that way with either her or myself.<br>
I suggested counseling to the dad......he hit the roof again w/ me......mainly about money......but like I told him...if it comes down to it....I will pay for the counseling, because it is supposed to be for the child's benefit, not his pocketbook.......don't get me wrong.....but his father does not have any money to spare right now and is barely making ends meet...I understand why my husband said this, but I also reminded him that if it helps the boy stop the behavior, it will have to happen.<br>
And yes, the locks have been changed again and he is not allowed to be left here w/o parents around.<br><br>
Just thought I would give an update......thanks for listening.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
Hope you are feeling a little better.
 

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Glad it's being addressed. I am curious how the locks were not working, though. Did they steal a key and make a copy? I'd be doubly concerned that these boys are making such an effort to gain access to the undies.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
An extra key had been taken and used a couple of times and then put back where it belonged......<br>
He was punished with extra chores and some more priveledges taken away...<br>
No clue on what his mother will do to him, but am usually told it is not my business because they are not my children.<br>
I figured after the mother hung up on him after screaming at him over the phone that she would call my husband on this, but no contact has been made...to either my husband or the boy...the boys go back to their mother tonight, so my husband will probably speak w/ her then.<br>
He has been warned that this will either stop or the authorities will be involved....and his father finally agrees on this one......it HAS to stop or it will just escalate into something worse.<br>
Thanks again for hearing me out..it has been an uphill ride for the past 5 years.
 
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