Mothering Forum banner

1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
43 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size:small;"><span>I lost my daughter at birth on July 28th of this year. It still hurts like crazy, and its not somethinng I will ever get over.<br>
I have a friend that I work with that will come back to work this weekend. We were pregnant at the same time, and she actually had her baby on my origional due date. I don't want to see her for the first time at work, because I know it will be emotional....so we have agreed to meet for lunch tomorrow. We kind of went through our pregnancys together. Her baby will be there with her. There will also be some friends there from work there with us as well.<br>
I have one friend (who also lost a baby) who thinks I should rethink my decision. Do y'all think I'm crazy for seeing her and her baby? I know it will be hard, but I feel like its something I should do. I can cancel at any time...but also I can't hide forever from my friends and their babies. Im happy for her, and at the same time I'm still very very sad over the loss of Kinsey.<br>
Any advice would be appreciated.<br>
Thank you all.</span></span></span>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,871 Posts
I don't speak from experience (yet) my baby was born 5 weeks ago. I have 2 good friends who are having babies very soon, as well as two cousins who just gave birth within the past few days. I know that i'm not ready to see them.. it hurts so much to think that our babies should have been playmates, ya know!? One friend asked me if I wanted them to call us when they have the baby.. she wasn't sure we'd want to know. I told her of course we want to hear the news, and that we're so happy and excited for them.. but to please not take any offense if we cry, or don't come around fo a while and when we do, i will probably not be able to hold the baby.. the thought of holding someone other than Dresden right now makes me crazy! So, I'm not sure what you should do... you may very well break down sobbing at this meeting which would be understandable.. as long as the people you're meeting with are supportive and realize that these emotions are raw and there is no way to control them sometimes. It IS probably better to see her for the first time out of work though.. I'm sure she's nervous about the meeting also. many hugs momma!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,149 Posts
Hugs to you. Only you can decide what is right for you. If you feel you are ready and can handle it then go. If not, then wait until you are ready.<br><br>
You're right - it will always be painful and a quick way to learn who your friends really are is by how they handle your grief and tears.<br><br>
If you decide to go, give yourself permission to excuse yourself if it gets too painful. Let your friends know ahead of time that if you leave early to not worry - ask one to be prepared to walk you to your car just in case you need a shoulder to cry on.<br><br>
I know that I've found myself in situations I thought would be hard that were easy to deal with and in others where I thought it would be easy and it was hard. I can't guess ahead of time so I let others know if I find it hard I'll leave and it isn't a slight against them - it is just my grief and I can't control when it will "hit" me.<br><br>
Best wishes for whatever decision you make.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,209 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm sorry you have to make this decision!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
563 Posts
Only you can make the right decision for you!<br><br>
Myself, I have avoided most babies because I just cannot handle it. The one baby I do see, it was really hard the first time I saw him after Mary's death but it has gotten easier each time.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
1,501 Posts
I lost a sweet little boy at 23 weeks. About a month or so later we were at our Shul (synagogue) for a dinner when a new family brought their beautiful 6 week old baby girl in. They were so kind to let me hold her and it was truly cathartic. It would be completely emotional for you to hold your friends child, or even just to see him/her, and perhaps you might want to consider meeting up w/ her before the lunch-in, just so you can sort through your feelings. But it might be good for you. Holding their little one gave me such hope. Soon after we had a beautiful baby boy. I would just suggest that you meet up w/ her before lunch, unless you can count on everyone there being 100% supportive of you emotionally.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,767 Posts
I saw and held a baby for the first time 3 months after my dd's stillbirth. I laughed and played with him and acted normal. I was also strangely numb inside. I didn't cry until later. I think it all depends on what you want. Are you comfortable crying around your coworkers just in case?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,266 Posts
How did it go? I probably would have chosen to go to lunch with her but ask if there was any one to leave the little one at home. But, that is me. It took a long time for me to become comfortable around babies again.<br>
(((HUGS)))D.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
43 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
<span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size:small;"><span>I did it, I went to lunch with my friend and her baby girl....as well as about 9 other people we work with. And I survived it, I made it through...and I enjoyed seeing my friend. Was I sad? Yes, terribly sad at times...and I shed a few tears (as well as a few other people). But I went with the strength of my daughter and God, and I am so glad I did. I feel so much better now after breaking that ice and making that step. Thank you all for your help and advice. I also realized that I made this big step on Infant & Pregnancy Loss Remberance Day....<br>
I love you Kinsey, and me and your Daddy miss you so much...but we know we will see you again one day, and until that time we know you are watching over us with Christ at your side.<br></span></span></span>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,149 Posts
Wow! I'm so glad it went well for you. I know the first time I got together with my friends I was nervous but having the opportunity to talk about our son's death and seeing their empathy was very comforting.<br><br>
Thinking of you and sending you hugs.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
214 Posts
I am so proud of you for doing something so hard. I held my friends' baby (7 wks) 2 weekends ago, and it was hard, though not as bad as I had feared. i actually found out they had had a m/c too prior to conceiving the baby, which made us more able to share about my experience. I think for me it will be harder this spring around EDC time, when each baby *could have been mine* as far as timing goes.
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top