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so, af was late and i took a test about 3 1/2 hours ago. it was positive. a total shock, to be honest. both dd and ds were planned and took awhile to conceive. i am nursing both of them, so i am <i>really</i> shocked, since it took 5 months and loads of herbs and vits to get pg with ds, but i digress. dh has said fervently that we are "done", i was only in partial agreement. well, biology has made the decision for us, i guess, so to speak. dh is less than thrilled, obviously. that's that part of the story.<br>
the next part is me and dh's relationship. it's been tough lately. we've been going to counseling, but i'm growing tired of it. it doesn't seem to be helping. here is my feeling about our "problems" and the whole situation...<br>
i have made arrangements for my parents to watch the kids tomorrow so dh and i can go out to dinner and talk about our relationship and our latest "development" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/stillheart.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stillheart">. i just feel like laying it all out on the table. like "i need xyz from you what can we do to make that happen?" like really concrete stuff. we've done this before in counseling, but dh puts up a wall and barely listens when we get there. i really want to be happy with him and i want him to be happy with us. it's just sometimes i feel like he wishes he lived in the 50's with kids who are seen and not heard and a wife like donna reed. i paint a pretty picture, right? really it's not that bad-he's not that bad. i just feel like he holds alot in and i can't meet his needs when i don't know what they are.<br>
aside from the fact that i am TOTALLY FREAKING OUT about this bfp. i just need some support right now. thanks.
 

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I'm sorry you're going through this. On his wanting to be a 50's husband...who wouldn't. I think it would be fabulous. Kind of like eating lots of cake and never gaining weight. You might go from the angle that it's natural to be self-centered but that it doesn't help a family work. Maybe you can each have a small amount of time to be selfish. Hmmm...I might negotiate one of those myself. I work a bit and it would be nice to go off to work one day a week and come home to find that things had been magically done and everyone was happy to see me and impressed by my achievements.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> It is shocking to find out you're pregnant when you're not planning it, speaking from experience. I think laying it out of the table and explaining exactly what you need is a great way to approach the situation. I wonder though if maybe giving it a little more time to let everything sink in before discussing it might be a good idea. You're both reeling right now, and maybe a nice dinner to connect with each other without any pressure might be helpful.
 

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just wanted to offer a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>QueenOfTheMeadow</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15407089"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> It is shocking to find out you're pregnant when you're not planning it, speaking from experience. I think laying it out of the table and explaining exactly what you need is a great way to approach the situation. I wonder though if maybe giving it a little more time to let everything sink in before discussing it might be a good idea. You're both reeling right now, and maybe a nice dinner to connect with each other without any pressure might be helpful.</div>
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i think you make a great point about just connecting with each other. my main reason for the "big talk" was basically to alleviate some of our fears. i am a planner-i saved money to buy things for pregnancy #2 that i wanted/needed and then started trying once i had that "nest egg", so this is really out there for me. plus, as i mentioned dh didn't want any more kids and he's already stressing about "needing to get a second job" as he put it. maybe i'll just start off by saying "everything will be ok. we'll work hard and do our best, but for tonight, let's just relax and enjoy each others company" or something.<br><br>
thanks-and keep it coming!!
 
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