[paxye]

I have a 4yo and 2 yo ds that constantly fight over toys and everything else...
DS#1 used to have the upper hand and DS#2 used to just scream and cry... now he bites and hits and then ds#1 will hit and then it becomes a real fight.... all in the matter of seconds...

I have got DS#1 to a place where he is able to redirect his brothers biting by turning it into a game but it doesn't always work or help...

Ds#2 is also a screamer... he has this high pitch blood curdling scream that just hurts your brain... and he screams at everything... Help me stop this because it something that is really causing trouble and it is hard to go somewhere with him at times...

We are GD... and usually I have the patience but right now I am starting my third trimester and I am just tired, hormonal and I don't have the patience and it is getting hard to hold back and it is just too easy to lose it...

I try to be involved in their play as much as I can especially when they are in certain moods that make it easy for one or the other to go off on one another, or I try to involve one with what I am doing but when they are in certain moods it is really like they go out of their way to make the other mad....

Ideas? solutions? WWYD?

 

[NoMariposa]

:

 

[SoggyGranolaMomma]

Oof. You've got my sympathy but that's about all I've got.

My two (4 and 3) go at it all the time. Hitting, pinching, biting. It's horrible. I just explain we don't hit/pinch/bite EVER.

Some days, I just seperate them.

 

[faithnj]

Since nobody else seems to have any assvice.....here's mine. And mind you-- I don't have two kids.

I'd see if I could give DD 2 some alone time in the pack and play-- with a lot of very, very interesting toys. Start out with about 5 minutes. One minute if she freaks out. Then build her up slowly to 20 minutes. That way she can play and enjoy and explore her toys without any intervention from the older one, or even from you. (I kept my pack n play in the kitchen where DD could keep an eye on me.)

Personally, as an only child who was raised by an only child and is parenting an only child-- I really value the skill of knowing how to play alone. But more than that-- while raising my own child, I found that I was constantly interfering with what she was doing when she was underfoot-- and that bothered my DD. Just think about it? How would you like someone taking things from you or controlling how you played with things and put things in your mouth all day? Wouldn't you need some relief?

When DD was in her pack and play-- everything was safe, and she could do anything she wanted, exactly how she wanted, with no one's interference. Far from being an isolating experience....it was a liberating experience to have a "private space" that no one was going to get inot. I don't put DD in her pack and play any more. But you know what? At 19 months she has been trying to climb into it on her own. So now I'm going to put it back into the kitchen and give her her private space once again. A bit later, when I have the cash, I'm going to buy her a tee pee or little house that she can use for private space instead.

Also-- the 4 year old might like a private space of her own, as well. It can't be easy knowing that the little one can intrude on her whenever she wants to.

Good luck!

Faith

 

[paxye]

We don't own a pack and play and no offense but I would never use one...

My problem is not that they can not play alone, or don't know how to play together it is just that at times they are at each others throat and it seems that they each purposefully go out their way to bug the other.... (right now they are both playing hapily together and have been most of the day)

The boys share a bunk and when either needs "alone" time they head for their bunk or just head to another part of the house...

Seeing them brings me back to when I was young and I as over at a friends house... they were a family of 5 and I remember that there would be fights over just someone looking at someone the "wrong" way... it is the same IMO...
I was an only and I really don't know about the siblings dynamics... I know that it is all normal but I guess I am just running on low at the moment and I don't have much patience and there are days that it is non-stop (like yesterday and then first thing this morning)

 

[mom2x]

Mine are 3.5 and 7 and they usually play and enjoy each other. When they fight, though, it gets ugly. The 3yo hurts the 7yo and we have talked, talked, talked about it. I try to let them work it out but he shouldn't just have to let her hurt him so 2 days ago, I told him to pinch her back.

 

[MtBikeLover]

Not sure how much advice I can offer but here is what we do. My 18 month old DD will hit, bite, pull hair of my 3.5 year old DS. We have told him that he is not to let her do that to him, but that hitting her back is not right either. We showed him how to get her to stop in a gentle manner - take her hand and tell her no hitting/biting or if she is using a toy, he needs to take it away from her. We explained that she is still little and needs our help in understanding what things are ok to do and how to deal with her frustration. We also explained to him that he went through this stage as well. That has seemed to help quite a bit.

On the days when they just can't get along (which are pretty few and far between) we will separate them. If DS is in the kitchen doing his arts and crafts and DD won't stop bothering him, we will put the safety gate up so that Cameron has the kitchen to himself and Gabby has the rest of the house to play in.

And I know that others won't agree with this, so take this with a grain of salt, but we do make them apologize when they hurt each other. We have always practiced this with Cameron and it has been successful so we continue to practice this with Gabby.

 

[faithnj]

Quote:

Originally Posted by paxye We don't own a pack and play and no offense but I would never use one.....

No offense taken. I personally didn't see a reason to buy one myself. But now that someone has given one to me, I've found got a child clammering to get into it. Still, if you ever see that your youngest daughter needs some safe, private time, away from the older sibs, perhaps you'll consider buying her a play house, tent or tee pee.

Faith

 

[obiandelismom]

Have you asked THEM what might help them stop? My 3yo got into a phase where he was hitting and scratching my 5yo a fair amount, and one night I asked him if he thought it was "right" to hurt someone like that. He said no, which told me he HAD been hearing me (he didn't say, "But he was..." or "It's ok if..."). So I asked him what would help him remember this rule, and he suggested that I put signs up where he could see them when he felt like hurting his brother. I thought it was a great idea, and that very night put them up all over the house!

Now both dss will shout "NO HURTING!" whenever things start to get too heated (that's what's printed on the signs), and it sort of unites them again. So the signs have worked for us, but I think the fact that it was ds's idea was more important than the actual signs. Good luck!

 

[oliversmum2000]

my 2 do this too

i think when they are in this sort of mood i have started to realise over the holidays that there is an underlying problem that is causingit - hunger, tiredness, a need to get out of the house, a need for me to play with them for a while

if it becomes more than a quick squabble and there seem to be lots of them i try to stop what i am doing and work out what is causing it - it seems to help

sometimes i close the stairgate to the living room and let my 5yo play in there while the 3 yo stays with me to give them some space, a couple of days ago my 5yo went text door to watch a film with the littlw boy who lives there

maybe sometimes they just need a little break from one another to collect themselves, cool down and then will get on better

i do know that it is SOOOOOOOOO hard when they are screaming, my 3yo is a screamer too

 

[NoMariposa]

I have this issue as well with my 4 and 2 yr old, it is escalated when my 7 yr old seems to want to argue with a 4 yr old. ANd of late the 2 and 4 yr old argue, which IMO is just as bad as holding down each other to the death.

If a toy is causing the uproar -- it's gone. Usually it's a toy, a marker, a book, a cup, the marker and book I have multiple sets of, so we get each child their own.

It's a nightmare when the screaming is going on and the crying and the high pitched voices saying stuff about what's going on that I'm catching 1/3 of.

:

I do use 'time out', but we call it 'time to ourself'. Sometimes is it in the same room on the couch, sometimes it is one to the bedroom and one to the couch -- depends on how bad the screaming, crying etc is.

My 4 yr old and 7 yr old both have mild sensory issues and need 'down time', quiet and alone. I respect their need for this and w my 7 yr old I can now say "I see you are needing some down time, why don't you go to your room and play for a while, I'll come check on you in a few minutes." And he goes very happily. My 4 yr old does not understand his need and therefore becomes a handful X2.

My dh will sometimes say 'go ahead kill each other, we can have more'

: He didn't get his 'down time' yet!!!