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Not sure where to post this...<br><br>
My BFF(also a family member) and I have been distant for the past three years. We are only a year apart in age and when I decided to get married and do the mama thing, she decided to do the college dating scene. I called often and sent emails but they were rarely returned. I've been grieving the loss of this relationship for quite some time now. It was ultimately her decision-- "because we have nothing in common and when we talk now, things are just weird." I understood where she was coming from and wasn't angry- I thought she'd grow up and things would work themselves out.<br><br>
She ended up marrying her high school boyfriend in a civil ceremony at their court house and only parents were allowed. This was about a year ago. He had been inlisted in the army and they felt that getting married was their next best step.<br><br>
I Haven't talked to her in months and last night I get an email from her. Aparently her husband has an alcohol addiction and she recently found him being unfaithful one night when he was completely wasted- while he was home for a 14 day "vacation" before being deployed overseas. After that night he never came home and couldn't call her or speak to her. When she tried to talk to him about it he literaly covered his ears.<br><br>
She goes on to tell me that she also has some drug problems that have stemmed from her marriage falling apart and that is the only way she knows how to cope. She says she's on the verge of a breakdown. That her and her husband are getting a divorce.<br><br>
She said she sent me the email because she loves me and knows I have always been there for her.<br><br>
Now what? We haven't seen eachother in years. I have absolutely no idea what to say to her or how to help her. I feel so lost and heart broken for her. All I want is for her to be happy. Our family loves to gossip and this is going to be hell.<br><br>
Any advice is greatly appreciated...
 

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Now what? I dunno, maybe meet for coffee? Proceed as you would if making a new friend.<br><br>
I would not offer significant help such as money, a place to stay etc. That kind of thing is reserved for people with whom I have a good relationship.<br><br>
Don't gossip about it to other people, of course.<br><br>
What does *she* want from you? A shoulder to cry on? I'm a little concerned about the 'on the verge of a breakdown' thing - is she looking for somebody to help her to find help, as in rehab or psychiatric help?<br><br>
Good luck, sounds like a tough situation.
 

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I'd e-mail or phone her letting her know that you're there to support her. Follow her lead and see what she's looking for.<br><br>
I went through a stupid period when I was 19 and I ditched all my friends for a guy and a very dumb lifestyle. When I came to my senses, I was very grateful for my friends who accepted me back into their lives without holding onto grudges for my past behavior.
 

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I agree that you should proceed slowly. I wouldn't ignore her, but I also wouldn't offer her money or a place to stay or anything substantial until you get to know her better.
 
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