[MiaPia]

DS has a soccer game in about an hour and half. He LOVES playing usually and looks forward to his games. Today for some reason he says he doesn't want to go. He is acting all mopey and whiney. He says he feels ok, and doesn't seem sick to me, he just doesn't want to go.<br>
DH and I are having a disagreement on whether or not to "make" him go. I say it's fine for him to stay home, but DH says he "Has a responsibility to the team".<br>
DS is 5. The league he is in does NOT keep score or do team ranking.<br><br>
So should we go? Or not?

 

[Sharlla]

I'd skip it.

 

[Lucy VanPelt]

He's on the soccer team for *him*, right?<br><br>
Respect his feelings.

 

[MiaPia]

I'm SO ticked off. DH is *insisting* that DS go, and DS is throwing a fit. DH said if he doesn't go today he is pulling him out of soccer for good. I HATE this. DH is not usually like this, but he is guilting him into it. I just got YELLED at for interfering. I HATE THIS CRAP. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying">

 

[scheelimama]

I wouldn't push it this time, I'd let him stay home. But if it continues, you need to figure out why he doesn't want to go all of a sudden. It it's because he doesn't like someone on the team, he'll have to learn to get over that and I would push him a bit. But if he genuinly doesn't like going, then I'd take him out. I wouldn't pay for something that he doesn't want to go to. But it sounds like this is the first time, and I would probably just let him stay home.

 

[momto l&a]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>scheelimama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7913627"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I wouldn't push it this time, I'd let him stay home. But if it continues, you need to figure out why he doesn't want to go all of a sudden. It it's because he doesn't like someone on the team, he'll have to learn to get over that and I would push him a bit. But if he genuinly doesn't like going, then I'd take him out. I wouldn't pay for something that he doesn't want to go to. But it sounds like this is the first time, and I would probably just let him stay home.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
The kids only 5, give him a break IMO

 

[Lucy VanPelt]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MiaPia</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7913581"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm SO ticked off. DH is *insisting* that DS go, and DS is throwing a fit. DH said if he doesn't go today he is pulling him out of soccer for good. I HATE this. DH is not usually like this, but he is guilting him into it. I just got YELLED at for interfering. I HATE THIS CRAP. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"></div>
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I'm sorry you and your son are going thru this. BTDT, so I understand.<br><br>
Is there any way you can ask to talk privately (and quietly) with your dh? Maybe give him some perspective away from ds, so that he doesn't feel the competition so much?

 

[ThreeBeans]

Your DH needs to get a grip.<br><br>
The boy doesn't want to go. He usually wants to go, right? This is a one time thing. He needs a mental health day. DON'T make him go. And your DH doesn't get to pull him from soccer, either.<br><br>
Your DH needs to speak to someone about reasonable parenting techniques and expectations.

 

[A&A]

Soccer is a <span style="text-decoration:underline;">team</span> sport. As coaches, dh and I find it really frustrating when players skip games unless they are sick. That means that other team members have to work harder and don't get a break because there aren't enough players to switch off.

 

[MiaPia]

Well, DH and DS left for soccer about 15 minutes ago. I wanted to go, but the baby is sleeping and I didn't have enough time to get him up and ready. I think DS felt guilted into going, and I'm really emotionally drained right now over my DHs behaviour and can't believe he was saying some of the things he was saying. I just don't know how I feel about all of this.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>A&A</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7913806"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Soccer is a <span style="text-decoration:underline;">team</span> sport. As coaches, dh and I find it really frustrating when players skip games unless they are sick. That means that other team members have to work harder and don't get a break because there aren't enough players to switch off.</div>
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I totally get your point - DH and I were actually coaches last season for BOTH my daughter and my son's teams. However, as a Mom I just can't feel comfortable FORCING my kids to do something they are adamantly refusing to do. Not at this age. Maybe if they were school age (DS turned 5 in late Nov - he is not yet in kindergarten) and the team kept score I would feel differently.

 

[trinity6232000]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>A&A</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7913806"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Soccer is a <span style="text-decoration:underline;">team</span> sport. As coaches, dh and I find it really frustrating when players skip games unless they are sick. That means that other team members have to work harder and don't get a break because there aren't enough players to switch off.</div>
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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MiaPia</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7913839"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I totally get your point - DH and I were actually coaches last season for BOTH my daughter and my son's teams. However, as a Mom I just can't feel comfortable FORCING my kids to do something they are adamantly refusing to do. Not at this age. Maybe if they were school age (DS turned 5 in late Nov - he is not yet in kindergarten) and the team kept score I would feel differently.</div>
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It's hard my dd is in soccer and a couple of times she simply didn't want to go, but I had to<br>
remind her of what it's like for her when other's don't show up. This year hasn't been so<br>
bad but last year there were always 4-5 kids missing, so dd would have to play the whole<br>
game without a break. My dd was five as well last year, not yet in kindergarten, and by the<br>
end of the game she was so tired, it lost some of it's fun.<br>
It's not the score, or who wins, it's really (just IMO) about showing up when your on a team.<br>
Not letting everybody else take up the slack for a few who don't show up.<br><br>
I hope after soccer your ds happy he went.<br><br>
Can't we validate our children's feelings, AND teach them that we need to show up when we make a commitment?

 

[momto l&a]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Can't we validate our children's feelings, AND teach them that we need to show up when we make a commitment?</td>
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Yes we should and can BUT the child in this situation is only 5. Thats still a wee bit young IMO.

 

[Aliviasmom]

Skip. Forcing a child into an activity at young ages usually leads to resentment of the activity.

 

[sunnysideup]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>trinity6232000</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7914822"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It's hard my dd is in soccer and a couple of times she simply didn't want to go, but I had to remind her of what it's like for her when other's don't show up.</div>
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I think a parent can and should do that. I'd give my child all the reasons why I think they should go. I'd try to convince him, but I wouldn't force him. If he still didn't want to go after hearing my opinion I'd respect his feelings and stay home.

 

[tsume]

<b>miapia</b>, how was the game?<br><br>
We ran into that last year with DS and soccer (who was the same age then as your DS is now). We told him that he didn't have to play but that he did need to be there to support his team. And he was okay with that.

 

[CCChanel]

I'm coming in late to this...but I say skip it.<br><br>
He's only 5.<br><br>
If he was in high school I'd say he should go.

 

[my3peanuts]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>momto l&a</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7914917"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Yes we should and can BUT the child in this situation is only 5. Thats still a wee bit young IMO.</div>
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I agree. If he were a few years older, definitely. At 5? Not IMO.

 

[MiaPia]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>tsume</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7915002"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><b>miapia</b>, how was the game?<br><br>
We ran into that last year with DS and soccer (who was the same age then as your DS is now). We told him that he didn't have to play but that he did need to be there to support his team. And he was okay with that.</div>
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He did end up going an enjoying himself. Actually DH used the argument of "Come and let's watch your team play" and then of course he wanted to play. He even scored a goal.<br><br>
Ultimately I think my biggest issue was in how this was handled by my DH. I have NEVER seen him act like he did with INSISTING the DS go, and trying to <i>guilt</i> him into it. He even yelled at me that I needed to call the coach and tell him DS was dropping out of soccer because he was selfish and didn't care about the team. And he told DS he was acting like a baby. He was yelling and hollering and just getting SO worked up over a child's game. He doesn't know it yet, but we'll be sitting down and having a long talk after the kids are in bed as he REALLY REALLY upset me.<br>
eta - at one point DS was really really sobbing and saying he didn't want to go. He was sitting in my lap and DH was trying to "convince" him to go and yelling "Look at me when I talk to you - Look at me" and on and on. I can't really even put into words how bad the whole scene was, and so NOT NORMAL at all.

 

[GearGirl]

I would tell my ds that he made a commitment and he should be there. 5 is definitely old enough to understand. I would also tell him that if he doesn't like soccer anymore he doesn't have to do it again, but that he should honor his commitment to his team. I would be very sensitive to his feelings, and try to get to the bottom of it, but I kind of agree with the dh here, I think commitment is a really, really important lesson, and that you can honor that and show respect for his feelings. If he was really pitching a fit I would ask him to go himself and speak with the coach and explain that he wouldn't be playing, but to at least show up to do that. I wouldn't engage in a fight over it, but I would have him go in some way. I don't think the dh here was really wrong, the whole team thing can be really important to some people. I hope he ended up having fun when he got there!

 

[primjillie]

It is hard when they are so young, but I think you have to think of the team also. If there aren't enough kids, no one can play and is it that fair to everyone else who did show up?