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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
similiar to the poster below, i need some advice on how to talk to my dh. Only my situation is slightly different in that my husband didn't have a problem with homebirth persay until my friend had hers. To explain, my friend and I were both planning hbacs for our next babies. We've supported each other through our pregnancies and were sort of depending on each other to succeed. Well my friend got her hbac a few weeks ago, only due to an occult cord prolapse, her baby didn't make it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> This has my husband terrified, despite the fact that I firmly believe in my heart that the outcome wouldn't have been much different at a hospital either (the baby was delivered 7 min. after learning of the prolapse).<br><br>
My midwife is wonderful, has delivered approx. 500 babies and specializes in vbacs. this is the first baby ever that she has lost. Now I'll admit, the fact that it was my midwife and my friend that this happened to, does sit a little with me, but in my heart of hearts I know that it was a freak thing and she did the best thing she knew how to save the baby at the time. My husband, however, is not so sure. I took him to meet the midwife this past week and he absolutely grilled her. I really think he expects her to have the same knowledge as a doctor and that's just not the case. He's not really getting it and now he keeps insisting that he's not comfortable with intermittant monitoring and wants continous (because he feels problems will be spotted sooner ie my hbac friend situation). Neither I nor my midwife agree with this, and I don't think you could do it out of a hospital anyway, but he's being very closed minded and won't even read anything that I offer him. He says he's not saying I can't have a homebirth, he's just not comfortable with the monitoring situation. ugh... I'm really stressed otu about this because of all the people that I want to support me it's him. I have enough opposition from every other side. Any suggestions on how to deal with this?<br><br>
Thanks in advance,<br><br>
Julie
 

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One thing that concerns me is that you feel that a doctor has superior knowledge to a midwife- IMO, a midwife should understand the processes of normal pregnancy better than a doctor (even an obstetrician.) I'm not saying she should be an expert in, say, placenta accreta or something along those lines, but detecting and managing the normal complications of pregnancy and birth should be a doddle: maybe this is a flag going up?<br>
Continuous tocography is possible at home- portable monitors are available (my old team of midwives had one), and there would probably be somewhere that would hire one for your midwife to use if necessary. That's not the question- the question is, has continuous fetal monitoring been shown to save lives? (The answer, incidentally, is no.)<br>
All I can say is, the USA's neonatal mortality rate runs at 6 in 1000- the UK's, at 5.5. Your midwife has lost one baby in 500. Get him to do the maths. (Incidentally, it's very rare for anyone to get below 2 deaths in 1000- I think this year was a blip for Singapore.)
 

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Another to say that in my experience midwives know MORE than drs.<br><br>
Get a copy of Henci Goer's Obstetric Myth vs. Research Reality.<br><br>
What does your dh think would have been different in a hospital? I don't think that even the best crash team would have been able to get a baby out in under 7 minutes...<br><br>
-Angela
 

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My opinion is that you should do what you can to constantly monitor the baby and make your husband feel better. Almost every man in America worries that his wife and baby will not turn out alright, whether they birth in a hospital or not, and now something scary has happened close to home and he has every reason to be terrified. It would be pointless to try to convince him that he is being irrational. The compassionate thing would be to try to accomodate him so you can both be comfortable about the birth and both have as calm an experience as possible.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for all your opinions and thoughts. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Our current plan is to interview 2 new midwives; one at a birth center and one additional lay midwife. I am pretty sure that in the end we'll go with the birth center but I'd like him to interview one more lay midwife just to make sure it's not our midwife that he was uncomfortable with because of the situation. I'd rather have a homebirth, but he'd rather I have a hospital birth so I feel like this is a compromise in the middle. the birth center that we're going to be looking into is free standing and the midwife is supposed to be wonderful. I know we're planning to have at least one more child after this so there's still hope to get my hbac with the next one if all goes well here. Thanks again for all your advise. It's really helped me to get a clearer head about everything.
 
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