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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i'm pretty much a mainstream type person, but ever since having my son i've been doing the whole breastfeeding, cosleeping, babywearing thing. and so far i love it, i come to these boards practically everyday just to see whats gonig on. i've even changed the way i live in regards to organic foods, flouride, and so on. so heres my problem. almost everyone i know thinks that it's backfiring on me that i'm starting to have doubts myself. my baby's almost 7 months old, and my family and friends think it's so weird that i'm still breastfeeding. (he comfort feeds a lot) They keep telling my i'm going to be a hunchback because i carry him everywhere. they keep telling me to buy a crib and get him out of our bed. and also that he's turning out to be a clingy needy child because he whines if i'm not near him. i know i shouldn't listen and do what feels right, but its so hard when the people around you don't support you. i'm just lucky that my husband doesn't care what others think. i'm sorry for this long venting post, i am just curious if anybody ever felt like they should go back to mainstream parenting?
 

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TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!!!<br><br>
People are all full of unwanted advice and feel really threatened when they see someone parenting differently than they do/did. I have already had people tell me I should be letting my 6wo foster baby CIO and not to hold him so much and that he is manipulating me and my husband into holding him so much. They are 100% WRONG. This is not to say that when the kiddo is crying and I need to get something done I don't think about leaving him to cry...but do I? No...I can't.
 

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if you follow your <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat"> you are doing EVERYTHING right.<br><br>
the first little bit of advice any new mama should follow is, dont take parenting advice!<br><br>
if your family and friends think it is wierd that your *still* breastfeeding break out some facts about breastfeeding. educate them. let them know it is recomended that you breastfeed for the first 2 years by the American Academy of Pediatrics. let them know about the benifits for both mommy and babe.<br><br>
the only reason that you would become "hunch back" would be because youve gone through "the change" and you dont have didnt have enough calcium and it caused your bones to be brittle which in turns causes tiny tiny fractures. its called osteoperosis--i think i spelled that right.<br><br>
clingy and needy? well sure! what babe doesnt go through that phase? its called seperation anxiety. every child developes it, it is part of their development process. my 6 month old cries when we dont have eye contact when he isnt being held.<br><br>
co-sleeping is very wise when your breastfeeding. everyone gets more rest. geeze, you dont have to be awake to nurse your child in bed. here is a site that has some come backs for you <a href="http://www.apconnect.org/comeback.htm" target="_blank">http://www.apconnect.org/comeback.htm</a><br>
my view on co sleeping is, i dont sleep alone why should my babe?<br><br>
it is wonderful that your husband is supportive of whatever you do. maybe you should find a support group in your area. i too get the "YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR BABY! WHAT IF YOU ROLL OVER ON HIM" and "YOUR STILL BREASTFEEDING", "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO WEAN?" and my favorite one "WHAT IF SOMEONE SEES <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!">", "STOP WAGGING THAT POOR BABY AROUND LIKE ITS A DOLL" that one comes from my mother.<br><br>
as a parent you will question yourself a lot. the only thing you need to worry about is the children. if they are happy you are doing what is right. if you suddenly change to be the way your friends want you to be, you wont be happy. that will make your babe unhappy.<br><br>
so stay the same and wear your babe proudly. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/femalesling.GIF" style="border:0px solid;" title="Femalesling">: and nurse until she is 2! (or longer!)
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I am sorry you have to go through this. It's <span style="text-decoration:underline;">so</span> hard when you are surrounded by family & friends who question your choices and aren't supportive. I've been there!!! I don't know *<b>any</b>* AP parents in real life, I'm the 1st woman in my family to breastfeed (at least in my lifetime!) so I had zero support there. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: Amazingly enough, I'm now breastfeeding a 2 year old AND a 2 month old! They sure love THAT!! :LOL But hang in there....it does get easier. Just follow your heart, and lean on your husband for support. Also, KEEP COMING HERE daily! I find that this board helps keep me going (and keeps me sane!) when I have no where else to turn for help or encouragement. You are doing what is best for <i>you</i> and <i>your baby</i>.....and that's all that matters. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Well here I go, get out your tomatoes!<br><br>
I'm an on the fence kind of girl. I believe in balance. I used to be really crunchy on many issues but I will be honest, some it really wasn't working for me or my kids, or my marriage! Also, some of it I actually believe was harming my children. I think you have to do whats right for YOU and your family. I've breastfed two of my children for well past a year, coslept with my kids, done the organic food thing, carried them in slings, etc. However with this baby I've been the most mainstream because I felt it was best. She is exclusively breastfed, but she does sleep in a crib most the time in our room. This was because neither Jeff or I were getting the quality of sleep we needed to parent four children and work. Sometimes I do let her sleep with me but its few and far between. I also use a pacifier. While I do comfort nurse her at times, I can't do that all day. I have three other kids, I also personally do not want a kid hanging on my boob all day. She likes a paci too and its great to use when we are out in public.<br>
If you feel good about what you are doing with your child, ignore the naysayers. You will have naysayers no matter what you do! trust me on that!!!
 

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Don't be sorry for comming here to vent! I'm sure 99% of the mamma's here know what you're going through...just stay strong and trust your instincts always. What a lucky baby you have!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you! It's not easy to trust your instincts when the world around you is telling you to ignore them! You are doing a GREAT job!!!<br><br>
One thing I always keep in mind is that when a need is met, it goes away - and when it's not met, it intensifies. You are meeting your child's needs. Your child needs to breastfeed and needs to be near you (in a sling, in your bed, etc). What you are doing is natural and normal. Formual feeding, crib sleeping, etc (although sometimes necessary) are not normal or natural.<br><br>
Some of my favorite responses to people who have questions or criticisms about my parenting are:<br>
"Why do you want to know?" when a question is asked. It makes the person justify why they are sticking their nose into your business - and if you say it an a sweet, innocent way they can't even get offended! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
"I'd love to see the research you've done that says that's true - please email me the studies and articles! I'd love to read them!" said in a truly interested and sincere tone.<br><br>
If you've introduced solids into your child's diet, you can tell people that you're in the process of weaning (since weaning technically starts with the introduction of solids). You don't, however, need to mention that weaning could take months or years and that you're not doing anything to encourage it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"> :LOL<br><br>
And my favorite response to "You're still nursing him/her?" is a VERY enthusiastic, "YES! Isn't it WONDERFUL!?! We're both getting SO MANY benefits. Not only is it the best possible nutrition he could get, but it decreases his chances of obesity, allergies, getting certain types of cancers, getting sick, getting ear infections, etc. . AND it decreases my chances of getting breast cancer and other types of cancers as well as osteoporosis! What could be better for the both of us? And our pediatrician says to keep on breastfeeding, especially since the American Academy of Pediatrics and the World Health Organization say to breastfeed for at least 2 years!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> I find that in most cases it's difficult for people to argue with my enthusiasm - and that they get the message that I've educated myself on this topic (most likely more than they have), and that I have the blessings of medical professionals and health organizations.<br><br>
The temptation to go back to the mainstream is strong, especially for mamas who lack the support of like-minded families. However, you're doing great!!! I suggest going to the "Finding Your Tribe" forum here on MDC and connecting with like-minded mamas in your area!
 

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I agree with a PP that you will have naysayers no matter what you do. People LOVE to give advice about pregnancy and parenting, don't they? It burns me up, too, and sometimes it makes me doubt myself, but ultimately, this is my baby, and I have to decide how to raise her! Most of the time, when I really think about it, the people who are offering advice are the ones whose own way of doing things seems the most messed up to me. (And sometimes it doesn't just "seem", sometimes with particular relatives, ahem, I happen to know they were cases fit for child protective services. They LOVE to give me advice!) It seems like Murphy's law that the people who have it together also have the manners to keep their mouths shut, and you have to pry advice out of them!
 

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i agree that you should trust your instincts. personally, i feel bad for all those babies who don't sleep in a family bed and aren't being worn. my husband and i walk past moms with their tiny newborns in strollers so far away from mom, her heartbeat and her warmth and feel bad for them.<br><br>
when people give you such advice, you can simpy say, "thanks but we're comfortable with the parenting decisions we've made." you can also explains the joys of looking at your baby all night long, of knowing your little one is safe.<br><br>
when people see how content my son is in a sling or carrier, the practice speaks for itself.<br><br>
good luck and stick to what you feel is right for you and your babe.
 

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Hugs to you mama. I know how you feel. My family is supportive of my AP lifestyle but i often feel like an out cast among other mamas and have often wondered in the early days I wondered if my aping made my dd high needs but once I realized that I just had to follow my heart everything became easier. Just ignore those naysayers and come to MDC for support :LOL
 

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It's hard when you are without support. Have you tried LLL. I have met some mamas there who are pretty much into the same AP lifestyle as me. Just remember that this is YOUR family. If you, baby, and dh are happy the rest of the world can go sit on a tack. They weren't there when baby was concieved, won't be paying for braces or college, so it's none of their business. You have the responsibility and privelege(sp?) of raising this baby, do it how you see fit. Incidently my posture has improved with baby wearing because it has strengthened my back.
 

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ITA with rozzie'sma and wanted to add that there is nothing wrong with politely going uhuh and nodding when people are giving you this unsolcited advice and then going about things the way you see fit. That's what i do with my MIL I just nod while she's talkinga nd think about how nice it is that i am the one who is in control of what happens to my baby.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
hey everybody thanks for your support! i really needed it. we just moved to a new base overseas, and it's been tough. i don't really know anybody yet, so i've been calling home a lot. its so frustrating when people think they know better than you. but i have to admit that i'm kind of a pushover and should be more confident in what i do. i even lied to the doctor and said that the baby was sleeping in the crib. but i don't care because i don't like the doc anyway. he was pushing too hard about well baby visits and solids. then yesterday, i had kainoa in my hotsling, and this woman was like..how is he attached to that? and i said..oh it's just a peice of fabric. she looked at me in horror! and said, "i know a woman who uses one of those but it had a buckle (i assumed she meant a ring sling) and i just know one of those days that baby is going to fall out" i just looked at her and walked away. i just can't believe how many stupid things i've heard about parenting. ugh it makes me feel like i'll never make friends here! and it makes me feel like people are just idiots! but i guess that makes me the smart one!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>littlekauaigirl</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">and it makes me feel like people are just idiots! but i guess that makes me the smart one!</div>
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:LOL <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>littlekauaigirl</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">.. and also that he's turning out to be a clingy needy child because he whines if i'm not near him...</div>
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Chances are, that's either a stage, or just who your baby is, and he would be this way <span style="color:#000080;"><i>regardless of your parenting choices</i></span>. Even the most mainstream "baby experts" will tell you that you can't spoil a baby with love and affection, so your parenting style did not lead to him being a clingy, needy baby.<br><br>
I second all the "trust your instincts" posts. Only you know how best to meet your child's needs. And in fact, meeting his needs will help make him confident and secure. Sounds to me like you are very attuned to his needs, and you should be proud of that!
 
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