need gd ideas

Ok, I am having issues with dd hitting. She mainly hits, kicks, screams, or throws something when she is mad or having a tantrum. i understand her need to release her anger, and i try to support it, but at the same time i am not going to let her hit or kick me or anyone else. I tell her that hitting is not ok, or I hold her arms and tell her no, that is not ok. If she kicks me i move her legs and tell her that i am not going to let her kick me, then she sometimes says that she wants to kick the floor or the bed, wherever she is. I am ok with that, but the hitting.. the other thing that she has started is when she is real mad, she will bite herself. When she does this, it hurts her and then she gets more upset. I dont want to be like i told you so about the bitting but i am thinking that she will figure it out soon enough.

Anyway, i dont know what else to do but to walk away, or i was thinking that she needs to go sit on her bed until she can calm down. is that to harsh? any ideas?

the other thing that i am having a hard tiem with is timeout. I dont really like the idea, but i am having a hard time. I live at home and my mom has different ideas,a dn so does my sister, she and my neice live here also. Sometimes i wonder if i should use time out. if she hits, or the big thing that we have problems with is if she doesnt help clean up, or do something that my mom askes her to od my mom thinks that here should be a consiquence. i guess that i understand that when m needs to clean s does to, adn if m gets timeout for not helping the s should to. I dont know, i am very conflicted. mamas who use timeout, how does it work? does it work? what do you mamas think?