I have a very strong willed little girl.. she's almost 3 (in about 6 weeks) but is more in line with a child two years older in terms of verbal and reasoning skills. That being said, she does often *ACT* 2 1/2, and I full expect that and don't have problems with it. We don't spank but we do use time outs...
Okay, now that I've given you a little background...
We're having issues with her talking back to us.. and being disrespectful.. constantly. She'll tell me "I'm going to do what I want to do" or "the answer is yes mommy, stop telling me no" or "if you're going to talk to me like that, you're not going to be part of my family anymore" or tonights.. "Mommy, I don't want you to talk right now. ... you need to stop... S..T..O...P... Mommy, I told you to stop because I don't want to listen to you anymore... MOOOOMMMMMY! SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"
We DON'T speak to her like that, I've NEVER told her to shut her mouth.. we tell her all the time that no matter how upset/frustrated/angry we might get, we love her more than anything.. but that sometimes we might need to take a tiny break from eachother (a timeout, if you will) to calm down so that we can remember to speak nicely to eachother...
What do I do? DH and I are feeling like we're getting upset with her altogether too much.. and we're yelling and/or using time out WAY more than we want to.. I've read a bunch of gentle discipline books - most recently "without spanking or spoiling" and "how to talk so your kids will listen..." and we're doing everything "right" but it's just not working... since she IS so verbal, she'll tell me when she's frustrated/nervous/upset/angry/whatever.. and why.. and I have explained to her that this is NOT okay at our house and how my heart hurts when she talks like that or when I have to put her in time out (etc.) We have lots of "special time" together (or her and her daddy), she's getting tons of love and attention and rarely, if ever, seems jealous of her brother, so I don't think that's a part of it - or if it is, it's a minor part.
I don't know what to do.. but this has to stop. I *know* spanking would NOT be an appropriate choice with her, plus it goes against everything I believe in... I need advice from those who have been where I'm at.. and gotten through it.
Okay, now that I've given you a little background...
We're having issues with her talking back to us.. and being disrespectful.. constantly. She'll tell me "I'm going to do what I want to do" or "the answer is yes mommy, stop telling me no" or "if you're going to talk to me like that, you're not going to be part of my family anymore" or tonights.. "Mommy, I don't want you to talk right now. ... you need to stop... S..T..O...P... Mommy, I told you to stop because I don't want to listen to you anymore... MOOOOMMMMMY! SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"
We DON'T speak to her like that, I've NEVER told her to shut her mouth.. we tell her all the time that no matter how upset/frustrated/angry we might get, we love her more than anything.. but that sometimes we might need to take a tiny break from eachother (a timeout, if you will) to calm down so that we can remember to speak nicely to eachother...
What do I do? DH and I are feeling like we're getting upset with her altogether too much.. and we're yelling and/or using time out WAY more than we want to.. I've read a bunch of gentle discipline books - most recently "without spanking or spoiling" and "how to talk so your kids will listen..." and we're doing everything "right" but it's just not working... since she IS so verbal, she'll tell me when she's frustrated/nervous/upset/angry/whatever.. and why.. and I have explained to her that this is NOT okay at our house and how my heart hurts when she talks like that or when I have to put her in time out (etc.) We have lots of "special time" together (or her and her daddy), she's getting tons of love and attention and rarely, if ever, seems jealous of her brother, so I don't think that's a part of it - or if it is, it's a minor part.
I don't know what to do.. but this has to stop. I *know* spanking would NOT be an appropriate choice with her, plus it goes against everything I believe in... I need advice from those who have been where I'm at.. and gotten through it.