I was about to post a really mad rant and rave, but stepped back.
You have to understand, when your attachment to your child, or their attachment to you, is questioned by an outsider, it's beyond insulting. My child was born with a birth defect that caused her to be completely unable to breastfeed. I have been EP'ing for her for 20 months.
but I re-read and I honestly don't get the vibe from any of you that you actually doubt a bottlefed baby/mother could be just as attached as long as there wasn't copious use of bottlepropping and constantly allowing other people to take over feeds. Right?
But isn't that really a different issue? I mean- what about breastfed babies who attend daycare? Are they not as attached to their nursing mothers because someone else fed them a few times that day? Or are they less attached than a baby who had been bottlefed only from their mother? What about infants who cannot bottlefeed or nurse?
I often feel like I'm more..... like my life is my child, more than my friends who are mothers, whether they breastfed or not, because my baby has/had health and development issues and simply, needs me more than the average child her age needs their mother. Does that make me more attached to her than them? Maybe, but maybe there's another mother out there who just happens to have these exact feelings for her non-SN child and I would never presume to make a statement that implied otherwise. AND- it's possible I'd feel the same way even if dd didn't have SN. AND- it's possible someone in my exact circumstance would feel differently. It's possible that I read into these feelings as being from the special needs experience when they would exist regardless, just as it's possible nursing moms could think their bond comes from nursing when it would be there even if their baby took a bottle- or was fed through a tube. You never, ever know.
Attachment has a lot of meaning behind it, sometimes it seems to mean "love" rather than "closeness of relationship". It's never okay, IMO, to say one group of parents love their children more (or are more attached) than another based on one facet of their relationship. While I certainly am 100%, even 1,000% pro-nursing from the breast whenever possible, and completely agree it's the most natural and best way for babies and mothers in general, when it doesn't happen for whatever reason, there are absolutely many, many other ways to compensate and be just as attached as you would have been were you able to have a breastfeeding-at-the-breast relationship.
sorry I wrote a novel.