[Phoenix~Mama]

This has been a sort of ongoing thing with my DH. Years ago he got a silly moon tattoo that he hates. I had told him at that time that he'd regret it...

Anyway years later after he had his daughter he decided he'd dedicate that tattoo to her and wants to get her name and birthday incorporated to it somehow. He had wanted to do this last year with his tax return money and it turned into a large discussion between us.

At the time we were TTC and I felt really hurt that he'd want to dedicate the tattoo to his daughter when we would soon have another on the way... what about the rest of the children? He said he would just get more tattoos later to dedicate to each one. I really don't agree with spending that sort of money all the time, especially when we have more pressing needs than tattoos.

I am definitely not against tattoos, as I have three myself. But for some reason I have never ever liked names tattooed on people. It just really bothers me for some reason.

So anyway last year he finally saw my point and dropped the discussion on dedicating his one tatt to his daughter. I thought we were over this...

Until last night he brings up that he has decided what he wants for Christmas is to put both daughters name with this tattoo. So I guess I should be semi happy that he understands it's wrong to only celebrate one child... but I told him I still don't like names on the body... This is on his forearm, so in a highly visible place. It would make me uncomfortable.

The thing is... he has brought it up several times now, so it obviously means a lot to him... and it is his body so he has a right to do whatever he wishes to it... but I have to be the one to look at it.

lol

Ugh... I need help coming to terms with this. In a way I do think it is sweet... but at the same time... I'm still very apprehensive about it. We have talked and the possibility for us having another child together in the future is very high, obviously a few years down the road... But maybe I'd feel better about it all once I felt our family was complete?

I tried explaining this to him too, but he doesn't want to discuss more children til we get through this birth, which is understandable. hehe

I don't know... I just need some feedback and help sorting this all out in my head. Thank you!

 

[Twinklefae]

I really think this is a "his body, his decision" kind of thing. I also think the ONLY names you should have on your body are your children. They will always be your children.

You can always add more names/tattoos as your family grows.

 

[mamazee]

I'm not into tattoos, but I agree with the PP. His body, his choice. And it's really common for people to have their kids' names tattooed on them. If you're afraid people will think the names are of girlfriends, you could ask him to put their birthdates on there as well if it'll make you more comfortable. Or "My Daughters" and then list them? Is that what makes you uncomfortable?

 

[Sharlla]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Twinklefae I really think this is a "his body, his decision" kind of thing. I also think the ONLY names you should have on your body are your children. They will always be your children. You can always add more names/tattoos as your family grows.

I agree with this

 

[Ianthe]

Does he have his own personal money? I think if he saves his own money and not use the family money, and it's something he really wants then I would give him the OK.

However, maybe you can try to talk him into putting it in a less visible spot on his body?

 

[lovesdaffodils]

As long as you guys have the money for it, I think it's a "his body, his choice" thing. My DH and I both have tattoos, and while I care about my DH and his opinions, I wouldn't not get a tattoo because he wasn't going to like it. Tattoos are just personal like that to me.

 

[Phoenix~Mama]

I don't think I will worry that it's girlfriends names... I just personally find names scrolled across the body as tacky looking. Please I really mean no offense by this. Each person is entitled to their own opinion... I just have never liked seeing names on people. Even kids names.

I have no idea why really. Pictures/symbols/art... someway of expressing oneself... but creating a sort of "shrine" to anyone, even children on one's body... it seriously creeps me out. Maybe I just don't get it?

The spot is non-negotioable since his whole reason is to do something with the moon tattoo on his forearm that he hates. He thinks he will be more comfortable with it if it stood for something, hence adding on his kids names.

If it's what he wants for Christmas, the money isn't a huge issue, and to just add some clouds with names shouldn't cost much at all, especially if we go to the one guy that I liked who has quite reasonable prices.

I guess I should just get over it... but it really just makes me uncomfortable creating this sort of "shrine"... maybe I am just weird....

 

[plunky]

I think it's his choice. If your issue is with the names, maybe he could come up with some kind of symbol for each daughter instead of using the name?

 

[Rhiannon Feimorgan]

As long as your families fiances can handle it, I think it his body, his choice.

I'm wondering though, I've seen name tattoos that are done so that the name isn't obvious. Perhaps so that the script is distorted within the shape of an image. I have a friend who's daughters name is tattooed on her in the shape of a butterfly. At first glance it just looks like a sort of tribal butterfly but if you know how to look at it, each of the shapes making up the butterfly are the letters of her daughters name. Or maybe in another sort of script like Chinese or runes or Egyptian hieroglyph or something like that. That way he would have their names on him like he wants but it wouldn't look like a name on him and hopefully won't seem tacky to you.

Does that sound like it could work?

 

[the_lissa]

I agree with everyone.

What about initials and birth dates?

 

[Phoenix~Mama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rhiannon Feimorgan As long as your families fiances can handle it, I think it his body, his choice. I'm wondering though, I've seen name tattoos that are done so that the name isn't obvious. Perhaps so that the script is distorted within the shape of an image. I have a friend who's daughters name is tattooed on her in the shape of a butterfly. At first glance it just looks like a sort of tribal butterfly but if you know how to look at it, each of the shapes making up the butterfly are the letters of her daughters name. Or maybe in another sort of script like Chinese or runes or Egyptian hieroglyph or something like that. That way he would have their names on him like he wants but it wouldn't look like a name on him and hopefully won't seem tacky to you. Does that sound like it could work?

I really really love this idea!! That is like a perfect idea! I suppose it's not the names so much as it's writing on the body. lol

DH dabbles in art and was going to draw up some sketches and he said I could pick the final design, so I will give him this idea with symbols or using letters to create a design.

Thank you so much for this idea!!

 

[mommy68]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Twinklefae I really think this is a "his body, his decision" kind of thing. I also think the ONLY names you should have on your body are your children. They will always be your children. You can always add more names/tattoos as your family grows.

I agree.

I notice in your signature that this is your step-daughter? I'm not trying to be mean but maybe there a little bit of jealousy on your part and you aren't realizing that at this point.

I know I'd be upset if my DH were to have had children with another woman and do something like that but either way it would be his choice in the end. These are his blood children, plus you said you both already have other tattoos as well. I don't see any real reason why you should have a problem with this one type of tattoo unless it's jealousy?

And fwiw, my own father has tattoos of women's names on his body and they are all past girlfriends. I'm sure my mother really loved that.

So it could be worse.

 

[Katwoman]

I don't think jealousy has anything to do with it. The op stated he's adding her sd and their dd together to the tattoo.

Op, I get your point. You have to look at it and it's not your thing. But perhaps it would be easier to come to terms with this if you remember that it's only going to be in "your face" when it's new. Think about when you were first with him, didn't you see every part of him every time you saw him? But now, some days can you honestly remember what he put on this morning? Or when was the last time you really looked at those cute little wrinkles around his face when he smiled? Details that are so sharp in the beginning begin to fade as were with another person for an extended amount of time. Almost like we see the person they are on the inside rather than expend a lot of energy staring at the outside. Since it happens naturally, wouldn't it happen with the tatt? You'd know it was there and would look at it from time to time, but it wouldn't be something you would see all the time day in and day out.

Just a thought.......

 

[PoppyMama]

I agree with it being his body and his choice what he gets permanently inscribed as long as he isn't hogging the money. I wouldn't like my DP being bossy about how I looked and what changes I made. ...that said I can beat you times 1000- my husband got a dirty sanchez tattooed on his finger and I was appalled it took months before I finally started forgetting it was there but I made him eat so that I couldn't see it because that is just nasty and ridiculous.

 

[Phoenix~Mama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katwoman I don't think jealousy has anything to do with it. The op stated he's adding her sd and their dd together to the tattoo. Op, I get your point. You have to look at it and it's not your thing. But perhaps it would be easier to come to terms with this if you remember that it's only going to be in "your face" when it's new. Think about when you were first with him, didn't you see every part of him every time you saw him? But now, some days can you honestly remember what he put on this morning? Or when was the last time you really looked at those cute little wrinkles around his face when he smiled? Details that are so sharp in the beginning begin to fade as were with another person for an extended amount of time. Almost like we see the person they are on the inside rather than expend a lot of energy staring at the outside. Since it happens naturally, wouldn't it happen with the tatt? You'd know it was there and would look at it from time to time, but it wouldn't be something you would see all the time day in and day out. Just a thought.......

That is a good point too. And you are right! Nothing to do with jealousy. He wants to add both daughters names to the tatt... if he only wanted to add DSD's name and not our daughter... um I think I'd definitely have a right to be a little miffed about that.

I think since he is enlisting my design help I will make sure to choose a really scripty sort of print... I just don't like block letters or looking at tats that are very noticeably words, if that makes sense? Maybe it's the designer snob in me, I don't know. lol Or the tattoo snob in me? When DH and I get tats we usually shop around and find a really good artist with a great book of their work... I think just throwing some block letters onto a tat would really take away from the charm.

That is why I love the more artisitic suggenstion of forming the letters into a symbol, or perhaps just a really intricate script... I know when we talked before we were thinking of adding clouds around the moon, the contours in the clouds could be the letters somehow...

Thank you all for your helpful suggestions... I am feeling better about this and am going to look at it as an artistic challenge. I haven't had a chance to play with my design skills in awhile anyway so this could be a lot of fun working with DH on this together.

 

[Porcelain Interior]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PoppyMama ...that said I can beat you times 1000- my husband got a dirty sanchez tattooed on his finger and I was appalled it took months before I finally started forgetting it was there but I made him eat so that I couldn't see it because that is just nasty and ridiculous.

Uhhh I had to look that one up. Thank god I didn't google image search. Can I ask how he got a tattoo of that act on a tiny area such as a finger?

I have to go retch.

:

 

[PoppyMama]

It basically looked like a brown smudge on his finger and he would hold it up under his nose. It was his reinterpretation of the little mustaches that were so popular to tattoo on fingers for a while. He and most everyone but me thought it was hilarious. I was disgusted.