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I need some help detaching and not getting so emotional when it comes to my ex. My DD is 7 1/2 and I have been apart from my ex since before I found out I was pregnant. I do not have ANY romantic/unresolved feelings for him, in fact I am completely repulsed by him - physically and mentally. I posted a few days ago about the hard time I am having with regards to him and his wife's constant bullying of my daughter (he has been with his wife for 7+ yrs, I have been with my husband for 7+ yrs - we each met our current spouses when I was 7mos pregnant with my DD).<br><br>
I know I should not let him have this power over me. After the most recent ordeal on Sunday, I am now burnt out, have a constant headache and haven't slept properly in 3 days. I have full custody of my daughter, he has visitation and I have no intentions of pulling his visitation. And I know that I can call the shots if need be, but he still has the ability to make my life miserable.<br><br>
Are there any links out there where I can learn some strategies to detach and shut these emotions off? I dread seeing him every week because just when I think things have smoothed over, he freaks out about something else. They've now started with "don't tell your mom" and "we wish you lived with us full-time" - and my daughter has been telling me what they are saying in confidence and I don't want to breach her trust, so I've just been documenting everything and stewing inside. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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I read your other post. Their treatment of your daughter is heartbreaking and it sounds extremely controlling and perhaps abusive. The manipulation that they are showing now isn't heartening either.<br><br>
Obviously, I only know what you have posted. From that, I would be more inclined to have you protect your daughter than to detach further from the situation. You are talking about shutting off emotions that sound very legitimate. They are speaking to you for a reason.<br><br>
I know this isn't what you wanted to hear.<br><br>
Can you go to some counseling and get a professional opinion on the situation? They could help you determine what is really in your daughter's best interest and help you cope with whatever that is in the best way.<br><br>
That said, I have found the book Codependent No More to be a useful tool for letting go of stuff and not revolving around other people. I think that in this situation you need to make damn sure though that it is something to let go of.
 

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I agree with PP about books on Codependency. I still feel what is going on at his house with your child are way out of line and may need some type of court intervention. There are things that do need to be let go of and there are things that need to be rectified. Only you know which ones are which.
 
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