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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i need help for a friend. hes a really sweet guy. he needs some help right now, and im not surehow to help him.

here is a condensed backstory- let me know if you need more info.

baby is about 18 months old.he and babymama were broken up before baby was born, they were never married. baby lived with mama and her family for the first couple of months of her life. she was being neglected, and possible abused there. he moved mama and baby in with an older lady from church (his dad is a preacher) until he could get them a place. mama and the church lady didnt get along. , since mama was unable to care for her properly, and he didnt feel comfortable caring for a newborn/small baby by himself.they mutually decided to have baby live with church lady. he got them an apartment literally right around the corner from church lady, so mama could see her whenever she wanted, either at her place, or at the church ladys house. he visted her everyday, mama rarely saw her. since she was about a year, hed been having baby more and more. she still goes to church lady while dad works, but other than that, hes had her.

he had been paying the rent on the apartment, and giving her money for utilities and their cell phones (she got a family plan, then asked him to pay for it, using the excuse that she got him a line too). when the lights and phone kept getting shut off, even though he was giving her money, he finally said enough was enough, and that he wasnt paying for her a place anymore since she wasnt using it for the intended reason anyway. hes been living there for a couple of months, and mama is back in her moms one bedroom apartment with 4 other people. the lease is up tomorrow, so hes moving to a different place in the same complex

fast forward to about a week and a half ago. he was at work, and mama showed up on church ladys steps with the cops to get baby. they called him, said if he didnt give permission for baby to go with mama, and/or he wasnt there in an hour, they would call cps to get her.... he was across town and it would have taken about 3 hours on the bus to get there, so he said let mama have her, i'll get her tonight..... (i told him after the fact he should have said let cps take her... she probably would have just been sitting in the office or in a daycare or something til he got there)

yeah, not so much. mama had said shed bring her back that night.... then the next day, then the end of the weekend.

earlier this week, he waited til mom was at work, then called the cops to go get baby. it should have been the same situation, she wasnt with a parent, so he should have been able to get her... the cop that came with him was useless.... wouldnt even let him come up to the house. talked with grandma and aunt, came back and told dad that he was never supposed to come here again, and he should file child support papers and start paying mom before they came after him.... he was pretty much like wth, ive been supporting her this whole time, when she didnt even have the baby, now she stole her from me, less than a week ago, and you want me to pay child support, youre crazy!

she was supposed to come last night, with the baby, to get her stuff out of the apartment before the lease was up... he had his dad and a couple other people there in the parking lot, and he was pretty much gonna just take baby back.

she showed up without the baby, and with the cops, at like midnight.... she took a bunch of useless stuff for her (fancy purses and stuff) and a bin of too small baby clothes (she knows that, shes the one who packed them away)... tried to grab sz 3 diapers (shes in a 5) and he said no way are you putting those on her.... no toys, no toiletries, none of that stuff

anyway, hes kind of at a loss of what to do. hes found a non profit group of lawyers that specifically help dads with custody, but he doesnt know exactly how to proceed. even with free legal advice, its still going to cost to file all the papers, and he doesnt make a lot of money.... he especially broke right now with all the moving expenses, transferring utilities and deposits and all that. his credit stinks, so he cant get a loan.... i told him to beg borrow and steal (well, not literally) to get the money. find someone to cosign for him.see if dads can take up a collection at church or something.... anything to get those papers filed for custody

he doesnt want to completely take her from mom (hed love supervised visitation to start with), but in no way shape or form does he want her at her grandmothers house. thats where they lived when she was a baby, and i dont know exactly what happened, he doesnt talk about it. neglect for sure though. aside from that stuff (making sure shed fed, clean and loved)hes a bit of an over protective daddy, and hes going crazy... hes worried theyre going to give her milk, even though shes lactose intollerant. shes got sensitive skin, and he uses wash cloths instead of baby wipes, and hes worried theyre going to use wipes and the wrong kind of diapers and give her a rash....

now after that book, what can he do? hes a good daddy, he doesnt need to be dealing with this.... not to mention what its probably done to his daughter. hes in houston if that helps.... stbx and i are going through this, but we're not fighting about it. i dont know what advice to offer, except since their is no legal arrangement, do whatever it takes to get baby back in his possession, which is what he has been doing anyway. any ideas? any BTDT stories?
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