[mamamekas]

I have a 2yr old and a 2 month old. I thought I was going to get through this second baby without any ppd - as of today I am officially wrong

I am having terrible crying fits & crazy daydreams of terrible things happening to my boys. I called the psych referral that my midwife gave me & was told that there is a 4 wk wait for an appt & even at that point i won't see the realy dr, i'll just see a resident from her "team". Four wks - I can't wait four weeks. ppd is now, right now, i need help.

Does anyone out there no of any one or place i can go to that isn't the UM? It's the UM that has the long wait

I'm really hoping to have some one on one help - not a support group. I do plan on contacting my midwife tomorrow to see if she can refer anyone else. But it took all i had to just call the psych dept today..i feel like *such* a failure & a basketcase. ugh. i am really hoping to get a personal referral from a mama that sought assistance in my area & had a great experience.

Thank you to anyone that can point me in the right direction.

christina

 

[mamamekas]

Thank you so much to everyone who have shown so much love & support for me in the past few days. I can't tell you how much it helps!

After spending many hours conversing with my mother and some quality time with my husband I am feeling better. But i do realize that does not mean i'm "ok", it just means i'm having a "good day", as i call it. I am waiting to hear back from my midwife as i type this. hopefully she will be able to pull some strings for me & get me an appt sooner than later or give me another referral.

My mother & my aunt are on their way to my house right now. I'm so thankful to have such strong & caring women in my life. They keep trying to remind me that a woman wasn't made to take care of children on her own...all of the women in the family help each other. I can't help but want to be that super mom...so ridiculous. ugh.

After reading alot online about ppd & other perinatal disorders I think I may also have a touch of OCD. Man, do I really feel like a crazy person now, lol. The worst part of all of this is that I am totally aware of the ppd and i can't do ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!! I can't fix this on my own, my husband can't fix it, my mom can't fix it, all the friends in the world can't fix it. dammit, it just makes me so f'in mad!! It seems like i should be able to just stop it, just turn it off in my head & make it all be gone. but i can't. i can't stop obsessing about it, hashing it over again & again & again & thinking that i'm just missing something. i think that all of a sudden i'll get a bright idea & know exactly how to make it all go away.
going back & reading that paragraph....wow - did that all just come from me? that's not me - that's not the me that i know & that i want to be.

i just want to be me again, ya know?

christina
DS 2 yrs old, DS just over 2mths old :2bfbabe:

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