Need help telling my prego with complications friend

oh...I understand honey. I found out I was prego with this little one the SAME DAY my very best friend had a d&c following a miscarriage. It sucked. Her first pregnancy was difficult, but resulted in a healthy little boy...and I wanted so much for her to have a stress-free pregnancy and then at 8 weeks she went in for some bleeding and there was no heartbeat (after seeing the heartbeat the week before
I waited about two weeks and then gently broke our "news" to her. She was SO gracious and sweet the day I told her. Then, the next day she called me back all giddy & excited, yelling "you're pregnant!". She said she wanted to "give me her best" and hadn't been able to at first (even though I thought she handled it wonderfully). I think your friend will surprise you. And if it was me, I'd be more hurt if such a close friend kept happy news from me because they didn't know if I would be able to handle it.
I'm sure you'll find a sensitive way to tell her, but I would do it sooner rather than later.

I think it's best to tell her right away...if you drag it out it will only seem as though you were avoiding telling her. I'm so sad that she has to go through that...

I'm sure she will be happy for you no matter what.

Quote:
Ditto.

I am in a close situation. We are just now telling the world about expecting our babe and I have to tell a friend of mine (not a BEST friend, but definately a GOOD friend). She lost her little girl to major congenital defects in November. I am going to email her (as we rarely talk on the phone anyway so its not unusual) and just tell her the truth. I'm also going to let HER best friend know (who is also a good mutual friend) so that she can be there for her.

If she is your bf, I think she would be very hurt if you didn't tell her, in your usual way of conversing over the phone. I had a similar, well kind of similar situation with this pregnancy. My bf's son passed away from cancer last Sept. She was still the first person I told about this pregnancy. I know she is happy for me, but I also know it hurts her, as she has no other children and will have to go in for fertility treatment to conceive another child. But I know she would have been even more hurt if I would have kept it from her. And I could have kept it from her for a long time as we live 8 hrs away now.
Be honest, about everything. How you are concerned about her feelings, ect ect.
It is hard.

Quote:
OMG that's heartbreaking. I cannot even imagine the amount of grief she must feel. That is horrible.

I just saw this thread this morning...
I've lost several babies via late-term miscarriage )12-14wk range) and I've talked with moms who have lost babies at all stages. Our feeling is generally the same...
1--don't wait until we can see the obvious, or until we hear about your pregnancy via the grapevine. Do tell us, and tell us early.
2--yes, it's awkward. Honestly the best thing to do is probably to literally say "I don't know how to say this, but I wanted you to hear it from me..." and then just tell.
And then move on to other topics--unless SHE brings it back to your pregnancy. She deserves to know the facts, but she also deserves to put her focus elsewhere as much or for as long as she needs to.
it's an awkward thing no matter how it happens, but as one who's been hurt (unintentionally of course) by more than a few friends, I've discovered that I'd rather know sooner rather than later, even if it is practically on top of my own grief (which one time it was).
It's possible that she may find some comfort in focusing on your pregnancy/baby to distract her from her own grief...and maybe she'll need to avoid you/your baby for a while as she works through things. Either way, I am sure she'd rather hear the truth, from you, sooner rather than later. Let her get through this delivery (this late they'll probably have to induce her and she'll have to labor and deliver a dead baby ) but within a week or two definitely tell her.

Quote:
How awful. Continue your duties as friend and, in a few weeks, give her the news. Let her grieve for her son for sometime but def. tell her yourself.

Quote:
Thank you so much for posting this. I have a friend that has been experiencing infertility and she's the only one of our group of friends that doesn't have a child yet. I just found out that I'm pregnant with #2 and I had no idea how/when to tell her. I finally told her husband and he and I are working together to figure out when/how to tell her as well as figuring out distraction techniques. The last time she heard about a pregnancy she tried to run her car into a tree!

oh, i am so sorry for her loss.

I'm so sorry that you're friend has such complications with her baby.

I think you need to tell her, but of course do it gently. If you are such close friends as you've described, she will no doubt be happy for you even while she deals with her own stresses. Last year when I had my blighted ovum miscarriage, it seemed everyone around me was pg, including several close friends. My loss in no way prevented me from being happy for their news and eventual births. Yes, I did have a little pang of heartache at times, but it was in no way directed at any of my friends or neighbors having pregnancies/babies.

ETA:
I just read that her baby died. I agree to give her some grieving time, but then do tell her when the moment is right. How hard.