need help with three year old

I'm right there in the same boat! I also find I have a lot less patience now that DD is 3. Partly it's that she's doing some new stuff that's kind of annoying, but I think it's also partly that she's so much easier and more mature a lot of the time that the annoying, babyish stuff just seems more unreasonable than it used to. When an 18 month old freaks out if you make a quick trip upstairs without her, that's a lot easier to deal with patiently than when a 3 year old acts the same way. I mean, if she can spend an hour running all over an unfamiliar playground without ever even checking to see that I'm still sitting nearby, she should be able to handle me going upstairs for a minute without her, shouldn't she? And now that she's able to play by herself for a fairly long time when she feels like it, I find myself expecting that she should be able to do it at the times when I most want her to, like when I have a bunch of stuff I really want to get done while the baby's napping. And now that she can talk so well and understand so many things, it seems so silly and annoying when she does stuff like ask "why" questions that don't even make sense, or insist that something she wishes were true really is true.

As far as what activities I do with her - well, one problem is that I can't do all the stuff I'd like to nowadays because I have a new baby. I see you've got a young baby, too. It's tough, isn't it? It seems like I'm always having to tell her I'll do what she wants in just a minute, when I get done changing a diaper or walking the baby to sleep. And it's not so easy anymore to just go out and do something interesting when we're feeling bored and she's whiny and demanding and I'm losing patience (or, better yet, before we get to that point.)

Getting out of the house is definitely the best way to keep us both happy. She's actually really happy and easy these days whenever we're doing stuff - going over to someone else's house, going to playgroup, visiting the library, running errands, working in the yard. If there's something interesting for her to do, she hardly even needs any attention from me. I can hardly wait until it gets warmer and it's easier for us to do things outside with the baby!

I'm right there with you. My son is about to turn three. He has always been persistent and strong-willed, but now, well, now I don't know how to describe it. Ever since my second son was born it's been tough. I know he's jealous, but I don't think I could give voice to his feelings or give him one-on-one time any more than I already am. To make matters worse, when you're feeling vulnerable, I find it extremely upsetting to read these books like the Discipline book that go on about how attached kids feel right and want to please their parents, etc. etc. I agree in theory but I find it oversimplified and at this point in time it's making me defensive and frustrated. I almost think I had a more realistic idea of parenting before I began to read Dr. Sears.

And like you, I've also been wondering exactly what the heck is normal. Sometimes I wonder. Occasionally I see other kids really lose it in a way that mine doesn't and I'm sort of reassured in a warped way. Other times I think, my god, I've calmly firmly said "we do not hit, it hurts" 25 times today and distracted and hello! not working! And we just had one-on-one time and I thought all that breastfeeding, healthy eating, slinging, co-sleeping, gentle parenting was supposed to help here! I find the discipline forums to be pretty helpful and judgment free actually. Well, at least the people who post are judgment free most of the time. Now I probably am making it worse because I've just gotten so angry. I didn't start out this way though. It's just so hard.

eta: oh i see that from pp that you have a new baby too (cute family!) do you think she's also acting up because of that? I think it's just extra hard for some kids. Sometimes I even wonder if it's because it was going to well and lovingly before, that the transition is that much harder now, to share his parents with this intruding baby. spending a lot of private time with him did alleviate his behavior somewhat. but it still gets crazy.

bobica you know what's funny she (the new she) actually looks like me, for the most part it's the older she who looks more like DH. But they switch up their looks sometimes between who they look like and looking like themselves.

i find going out does make things better, but god forbid when it's time to go in. that can be tough. she has recently started to react to the new baby, which is funny b/c the baby was born Jan 1 and just now we are seeing the effects of it. i really make sure i spend one on one time with her, and say things like "Feeney i need to do this with Jewely right now so I need you to wait until we are finished" But i can understand how it's hard on her sometimes. heck it's hard on me sometimes i start to miss my ciddles and hugs from jewely. everyone always tends to take jewely and play with her so i can take care of Josephine, and truth be told sometimes i just want to have some time with jewely like we used to have.

thanks for the company. I see quite a few of us have december (or almost) babies. must be something in the water.

courtney

Wow...it was the opposite for me! People kept telling me the same thing...3 is worse than 2. Well, I'm here to ell you that 2 was by far the hardest for me. For us, 3 has been the magical number. I swear as soon as he turned 3, he calmed WAY down. Not to say we don't have our days of complete madness.
I don't know that I have any advice aside from keeping an internal dialogue. I still do...constantly talking to myself, reminding myself that I'm an adult, Kai is a toddler and I need to be understanding. Sometimes it's hard...and I have times where I snap..I get too loud and too punitive. When I do...I'm the first one to appologize to my son and tell him that I'm having a bad day....and that mommy makes mistakes and bad judgement too. I talk to my son a lot...I know he doesn't understand everything I say, but I can tell that he appreciates the dialogue. He's very compassionate, and will tell me he loves me, he's sorry and whatever else comes to his mind...and he gives me lots of hugs and kisses.
I think it's healthy for children to see their parents be emotional and for parents to admit fault. It's ok to fall apart...just be sure to pick yourself up and get it together. You can't beat yourself up, you can't over analyze every little thing you say or do. If you make a mistake, take a mental note and move on.