need marriage/life advice *very long* xposted in parents as partners
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Hugs!
I think counseling sounds like a good idea...seems like there is a lot of soul searching that you and your dh need to do, about what kind of relationship you want, how you can get it, and how you can respect one another more. Because keep in mind, even if you go through a period of soul searching and decide to split up, you'll always have to be a part of one another's lives through your children...so try to keep the respect at the highest level possible. It may be that you both decide splitting would be best, and I have an IRL friend who did this with her ex...they are now free to be friends with one another, good co-parents, etc., without having had the hard feelings. But it sounds like you and your dh already had some hard feelings that should be dealt with...so I'd work on that a bit if you can.
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I think counseling sounds like a good idea...seems like there is a lot of soul searching that you and your dh need to do, about what kind of relationship you want, how you can get it, and how you can respect one another more. Because keep in mind, even if you go through a period of soul searching and decide to split up, you'll always have to be a part of one another's lives through your children...so try to keep the respect at the highest level possible. It may be that you both decide splitting would be best, and I have an IRL friend who did this with her ex...they are now free to be friends with one another, good co-parents, etc., without having had the hard feelings. But it sounds like you and your dh already had some hard feelings that should be dealt with...so I'd work on that a bit if you can.
thanks, mamas.
i should have mentioned that we have been in counseling together now for a few weeks (4 or 5 sessions) and last week i began individual counseling, which has already been so helpful...to feel like i finally have a place to be in my own thoughts but with helpful direction and feedback. i intend on continuing therapy indefinitely.
i told dh tonight that a big part of me wants to be on my own but i am still so raw that i am not trusting all of my thoughts. and that no matter what he and i need to build a new friendship that will serve as the basis for whatever turns our relationship takes from here on out.
i should have mentioned that we have been in counseling together now for a few weeks (4 or 5 sessions) and last week i began individual counseling, which has already been so helpful...to feel like i finally have a place to be in my own thoughts but with helpful direction and feedback. i intend on continuing therapy indefinitely.
i told dh tonight that a big part of me wants to be on my own but i am still so raw that i am not trusting all of my thoughts. and that no matter what he and i need to build a new friendship that will serve as the basis for whatever turns our relationship takes from here on out.
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naturally this says COUNSELING to me, and if you are both actually committed to fixing it, don't settle until you REALLY get help (been there with that kind of a mistake - too many therapists in this world - search until you have the one that actually helps maybe even a specialist in sexuality/marriage/etc)
and this also SCREAMS to me:
FIND SOME WAY TO MAKE YOU FEEL HAPPY INSIDE YOU AGAIN! i HOPE it won't take splitting up for you, like it did for me, since that can often be so sad for kids (but not terrible, as in my case so far) but whatever it is -
SEARCH for that part of you that you gave up. first of all, he fell in love with you b/c you were in love with BEING you. now you are compromised. so neither of you is excited by you. and second, YOU are the only one that you can control and the only one that matters. meaning, we all only matter most to ourselves because our goal is to be the best people we can be and then others can enjoy us as well - and if they don't they can go to hell because we love and like ourselves enough
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if i am happy with myself, i can be a better mom, friend, mate, worker, etc.
and NEVER give up faith that you were put in this place because you can handle it and that life will feel wonderful again!
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and this also SCREAMS to me:
FIND SOME WAY TO MAKE YOU FEEL HAPPY INSIDE YOU AGAIN! i HOPE it won't take splitting up for you, like it did for me, since that can often be so sad for kids (but not terrible, as in my case so far) but whatever it is -
SEARCH for that part of you that you gave up. first of all, he fell in love with you b/c you were in love with BEING you. now you are compromised. so neither of you is excited by you. and second, YOU are the only one that you can control and the only one that matters. meaning, we all only matter most to ourselves because our goal is to be the best people we can be and then others can enjoy us as well - and if they don't they can go to hell because we love and like ourselves enough
and NEVER give up faith that you were put in this place because you can handle it and that life will feel wonderful again!
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and also, someone could certainly challenge this, but i think there is something to the fact that you posted in "single parenting" that might help you answer some deeper, more difficult questions.
what was your reason for posting on this forum? what response did you anticipate on this forum and how did you feel about that anticipated response?
i hope you find some needed answers and guidance soon - heaven knows i have been through some challenging uncertainty so i know how much a mom can need some sense of peace!
what was your reason for posting on this forum? what response did you anticipate on this forum and how did you feel about that anticipated response?
i hope you find some needed answers and guidance soon - heaven knows i have been through some challenging uncertainty so i know how much a mom can need some sense of peace!
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