[oram]

I don't think I have PPD but have struggled with depression (unmedicated) since hitting puberty. The depression got worse after the birth of my son in 2004 and now I have a 3 month old and it's been really hard. I understand that this happens to a lot of women and I have faith that as my hormones balance out so will my happiness. How ever what worries me is my total lack of sex drive. When I say total I mean I don't even want/ like to be kissed or touched in any sexual way by my husband. None of my girlfriends had it so bad and I need to hear that some body out there went through this and made it through with their marraige intact. I tore a little with this birth so not only am I not feeling like I want sex but the couple times we've tried I am so paranoid about re opening the tear I just lie there like a rock. I am already depressed and this just adds a ton of bricks to my load. My poor husband loves me and still thinks I am sexy! Some women would be over joyed were their husbands still so hot for them. Me- I hate kissing him. It started towards the end of my first pregnancy and then I got pregnant again before I was done breastfeeding the first so it's only gotten worse. I sometimes worry that because I am so sexualy dead that it will never come back. Please tell me if any of you are going through or went through this!!<br>
I wonder if I took a supplement for the depression if it might help the sex/affection issue? Thanks!!!

 

[Annikate]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> mama,<br>
First of all, cut yourself some slack. YOu now have a toddler and a baby. I totally understand how all-consuming that is!<br><br>
Secondly, b'feeding causes us to lose some of our sex drive. It's all related to hormones. It's normal. (Especially when you're tandem nursing!) BTDT.<br><br>
Your desire WILL come back. It sounds like you have a supportive dh; why don't you just talk to him about it and how you're feeling? I did this w/dh when dd was about 3 mos. old also. Dh assured me that he understood and it really took a big load off my mind.<br><br>
We women feel like we have to be EVERYTHING to EVERYBODY ALL THE TIME. Why do we do this to ourselves? (Note the supermom siggy?) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Try to focus on the positive and remember that it's totally normal.

 

[bellyb]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I read your post earlier and didn't have time to respond.<br><br>
I am totally in the same boat right now and really have now idea what to do. I think it is time for me to actually talk to someone else about it but I have no idea where to start.<br><br>
I agree w/ pp that we need to cut ourselves some slack and realize that we are trying to do 1000 different things every single day and it is just hard BUT I would also like to want to make love to my husband and have some passion back in my world again.<br><br>
Dh and I have had sex maybe 3 times since DD#2 was concieved not born CONCEIVED! I have absolutely no sex drive whatsoever and the thought of actually being with my dh in any sort of sexual way makes me feel like i am running my nails down a chalk board.<br>
I don't want to be touched at all by anyone ever (other than my kids). I have been nursing since January 2004 so I imagine that has plenty to do with it but I know there are many mamas out there who aren't in our boat right now.<br><br>
I also feel like I have a few other issues going on and don't really know where to go with them. I don't really know if our conversation belongs in this forum. Part of me feels like there are other mamas who are working through much more difficult issues but if there is anyone out there who can lead us in a direction to make us feel better about where we are in our lives it would be nice.<br><br>
Sorry for hijacking, this is the first time I have ever talked about this to anyone other than dh ( who tries to be very understanding but I know he has to feel hurt that he is essentially being rejected).

 

[ibex67]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>oram</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Please tell me if any of you are going through or went through this!!</div>
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Yes, I went through it. More than once -- as a result of on-going serious issues with depression and intimacy. And how those issues get exacerbated by the physical and emotional exhaustion of parenting. Parenting is definitely a "contact" sport <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> and it is not uncommon for women to feel completely "touched out" with no physical space to give their sig others at all.<br><br>
My marriage is intact. HEalthy even. My dh is unbelievably patient with me on this issue. We talk about it of course. And I have always had a low libido. I just make sure to take advantage of it whenever it perks up -- mostly for his sake.<br><br>
I agree with the poster who said cut yourself some slack. Your physical and emotional resources are being used by your toddler and baby. That is normal. And yes, depression will suppress your libido as well. Give yourself time. Talk to your hubby. And try to take care of yourself, rejuvenate, nourish yourself in little ways when you can.