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Ok i am putting this out there looking for help b/c i cant take it somedays. I hope that noone will look badly upon me but i guess that is your opinion.<br><br>
Lately dd has been such a handful, i hate to say that her behavior is "the age" although i guess its possible.<br>
But what do you do when she hits and hits and hits when she doesnt get what she wants, but doesnt listen when you tell her not to hit and explain why?<br>
Or what do you do when its the 300th time that you have told her not to throw things, or dump out her drink on the table/floor/bed?<br>
Or when she wont eat anything for a meal and askes for sugary snacks?<br>
or when she just wont listen to anything that you say, you might as well just talk to a wall b/c you may get a better response?<br><br>
Now i have yelled at her more times than i should but i have never hit her and it really aggervates me when she hits me or anyone else. How do you go about gentle discipline when you are trying to be sensitive to her needs and wants b/c she is highly sensitive and spirited? I want her to be able to express herself and be creative. the other problem that we have is that i live under someones elses roof with there rules. Like this morning dd was throwing the oranges and apples around the kitchen, i was ok with this b/c i figure she isnt hurting anyone and she will learn not to do it when there is no fruit left. But my mom yelled at her about it and made her put them away. or tongiht, after a day from hell, dd falls asleep late in the car so she is easily upset. She throws a fit about her drink i tell her to go get it, she then hits her head, my mom yells "just come get it!", she goes to get it falls apart b/c she cant reach it and then accidentally spills it, and falls apart about that. My mom unemotionally carries her to me and hands her off w/out trying to comfort her.<br><br>
I dont like time out, she thinks its funny anyway, i just dont know how to handle her without also feeling completly out of control of everything. Sometimes i think she needs to learn to consiquences of her actions on her own, but my mom freaks and says that she is spoiled. btu then sometimes i feel like we should have some kind of rules but lately they have all gone out the window. I feel like there is some kind of hormone inbalance going on with me lately, i freak about the smallest, dumbest thing. i feel like things will get better after we move out in January and i can do things without all this interferance. I just need to get through the next few weeks.<br><br>
Sorry to be so rambly any advice would be great. thanks
 

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Sorry things are going so rough for you mama. I think things will definitely be easier when you move out in Jan.<br><br>
In the meantime, have you read The Spirited Child? I have seen it recommended lots on this board. I think it will give you some ideas on how to cope until Jan. You can do a search on here for it or look on Amazon.<br><br>
Good luck.
 

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hi - i hear ya! my dd is 18 mos old [younger than yours, i think] but man-oh-man is it tough to cope sometimes! when my dd hits somebody or something and we try to tell her that it's 'not OK' she laughs and does it again. i'm guessing that because she is getting our complete undivided attention in that moment combined with some of her exerting her independence - she is not exactly inclined to behave!<br><br>
i have heard that the book The Spirited Child is a great resource. I have not read it myself, though. Having been down this road once with my now 4 yr old son, I can tell you to take heart - it does not last forever, it just feels like it! As soon as she begins to truly verbalize and be able to get out her frustrations in words rather than actions, I think you'll both feel a lot better.<br><br>
In the meantime - you're doing great! Hang in there! It does get better...<br><br>
good luck<br>
- jennifer
 

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hi Allyn,<br>
just wanted to let you know that we are going thru an incredibly frustrating time with DS right now. He is having *huge* tantrums & we are both (dh & i) at a loss to stop or prevent them. We have all been sick & I think that has a lot to do with it, but that doesn't make it any easier when he is writhing on the floor kicking & crying violently. All I can do is keep him from hurting himself. I tell myself it will pass, he will come thru this developmental phase, etcetc.<br>
BUT, in the meantime I feel completely helpless & awful. Life is no fun & DS is having no fun. I can't imagine how hard it would be to be in your shoes under someone else's roof. I think I can only say what I say to myself a million time a day: "hang in there." I keep trying to think & act compassionately & asking for help from anyone who I think can give it.<br>
thanks for posting about it, it is tough. ~Maria
 

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savannahmomi + spiralwoman -<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
deep breaths...!<br>
best, jennifer
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
Know you're not alone! My dd is 16mo & fiery as can be. She is so defiant.<br>
Hitting us, the kitties (poor fur babies) & her head on everything. My cousins were like this as toddlers, now they're the most loving & gentle 5 & 13 year olds (I keep reminding myself of that).<br><br>
Hang in there!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>savannahmomi</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Ok i am putting this out there looking for help b/c i cant take it somedays. I hope that noone will look badly upon me but i guess that is your opinion.<br><br>
Lately dd has been such a handful, i hate to say that her behavior is "the age" although i guess its possible.<br>
But what do you do when she hits and hits and hits when she doesnt get what she wants, but doesnt listen when you tell her not to hit and explain why?</div>
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Remove yourself from striking distance. If she's hitting someone else, remove her from the situation. The old "use your words" trope is helpful, but not until she has calmed down a little. (You know, you talk with her about what she was feeling and how she could say that with words instead of hitting....also talk about how the person she hit feels and ask her what she would like to do about that....)<br><br>
So far my ds has bitten and hit only me and my dh, mainly bitten, and up until now hasn't had too many words, so I have mainly gone with the "preserve my bodily integrity" idea. My dh is really good at talking about no biting.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>savannahmomi</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Or what do you do when its the 300th time that you have told her not to throw things, or dump out her drink on the table/floor/bed?</div>
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She's too little to respond to just your voice, you have to physically prevent her, if you can, by taking the object away.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>savannahmomi</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Or when she wont eat anything for a meal and askes for sugary snacks?</div>
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Don't give her any food you think will harm her, but offer her any food you think is tasty that you don't think is harmful. If she asks for sugary snacks and you don't think they are good for her, say no. I think you shouldn't have foods in your house (or at least, not in sight) that you aren't willing to feed her. (I recognize that this is hard in your mom's house though. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">)<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>savannahmomi</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">or when she just wont listen to anything that you say, you might as well just talk to a wall b/c you may get a better response?</div>
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Most toddlers, as a rule:<br><br>
*can't control their impulses, may not even be able to stop themselves when you say "stop"--you have to gently stop them!<br>
*want to find out what will happen if they do something you don't like<br>
*are really interested in any and all emotional reactions, even negative ones<br>
*may do things just to see what you will do.<br><br>
I am really sorry about your overall situation, it's so hard for me to parent with my mom on the phone in another city! I can't even imagine trying to be the mom while living with my mom, who has some seriously overwhelming energy. To the extent it's possible to enlist your mom as an ally, it would be good to do so. What would be helpful to you generally to get from her? For example, can you ask her to put things out of your dd's reach that she doesn't want her to have? Or can you ask her to not have sugary snacks in view?<br><br>
Or would that just result in a toddler-like blow-up from your mom! :LOL
 
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