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Discussion Starter #1
I want to make sure that I'm not going to say anything rude or put a foot in my mouth.<br>
And I'd like suggestions for some simple sign language I can learn before the next time I see her next week.<br><br>
Thanks
 

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Can you give a little more background? Your title seems to be missing a word or two. What context are you seeing her in? Why do you think you'd say something rude? What would you talk to her about?
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I wasn't sure how to word it.<br>
I met a woman tonight that might be joining our knitting group. She and her husband are deaf. I just don't want to use any words that might be considered rude. For example with adoption you don't refer to birth parents as "real parents".<br><br>
I'm also looking for simple sentences I can learn. I went to a few websites and some of them didn't make a lot of sense. I think I'll look at some books at the library tomorrow, which should be helpful.
 

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Wow ... that is very considerate of you ... but i was told once (by a mama i know who post here whose ex was deaf) that the only thing that drove him crazy was when people over pronounced things to him when talking to him (he reads lips and i think could here a lil tiny bit) ... It made me think because i have a friend who is deaf and i am sure i did this without realizing it ... maybe it dont bother all deaf people but it did him ... But i do try to look at her when talking to her ... which i dont know if it is just me but it can be hard ... anyway ...
 

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I don't know how helpful this site would be to you, but they've got tons of signs and a video of someone signing each word.<br><br><a href="http://commtechlab.msu.edu/sites/aslweb/browser.htm" target="_blank">http://commtechlab.msu.edu/sites/aslweb/browser.htm</a><br><br>
It's a really cool site. HTH!
 

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oh don't worry, just be yourself mama!<br><br>
btw when I've encountered deaf people in the past (at work in a hair salon) we always used a pen and pad to communicate. works great and I did it for years with the same clients! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> many can read lips too. I used to have a guy with one of those implants in his head/ear and he read lips so well, you would have never known he couldn't hear without his ear piece thingy on!<br><br>
if she is someone who is a friend I think it would be so meaningful to your friendship to learn ASL! wow! what a friend!!!!!!!!
 

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I knew a deaf woman who told me that it always bothered her when people tried to learn a few signs just for the purpose of talking to her. Some of her close friends could sign quite a bit because they were around her. But she spoke clearly and read lips well, and she felt a little offended when people assumed they should learn to sign before meeting her.<br><br>
That's just her POV ... but it's something to think about.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
That's interesting. I thought it would be nice if I just learned some basic things to say so that we didn't have to write down every word.<br>
I never considered that it would annoy someone. But I guess everything can be annoying to someone.
 

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<a href="http://commtechlab.msu.edu/sites/aslweb/browser.htm" target="_blank">http://commtechlab.msu.edu/sites/aslweb/browser.htm</a><br><a href="http://www.signwithme.com/main_signs.asp?ID=15" target="_blank">http://www.signwithme.com/main_signs.asp?ID=15</a><br><br>
Some other sites that I had bookmarked....
 

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Does she read lips? If so, make sure you get her attention BEFORE you start talking. It sounds silly, but think about it. How often do you talk to your dh while he's working on his computer, or your kids while they are absorbed in play, and not looking at you? You just do it unconsciously, knowing they will hear you.<br><br>
If she uses an intepreter, look at HER when you talk to her, not hte interpreter.<br><br>
And these days, the PC way to speak about disabilities is to use "person first" language. She's "a woman who is deaf", not "a deaf woman".<br><br>
If signing is her primary mode of conversation, I don't see anything wrong with learning a few signs. But if she reads lips and speaks, then it's just not necessary.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>myjulybabes</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">She's "a woman with a hearing impairment",</div>
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Actually, "hearing impairment" and "hearing impaired" are very offensive to many deaf people. I hope you don't think I'm nit picking (sp?), but a lot of people are not aware of this. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hippie.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hippie">
 

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Discussion Starter #12
I told my dh when I got home last night I meet a cool momma (I'm always meeting neat people at the coffee shop) and then I confused him this morning when I told him I was looking at sign language. I guess I didn't mention that she deaf!<br><br>
She does read lips to some degree but I think that she prefers writing on paper. Luckily my dd had been there with me earlier and I had a roll of paper that she was drawing on. So we had about a 3 ft conversation!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MamaAllNatural</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Actually, "hearing impairment" and "hearing impaired" are very offensive to many deaf people. I hope you don't think I'm nit picking (sp?), but a lot of people are not aware of this. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hippie.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hippie"></div>
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Oh wow, I had no idea. Sorry! Thanks for filling me in. So the preferred word is "deaf" then?
 

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My DP's cousin is deaf and I am deaf in one ear- she taught me some sign, but it was all words that one would only say in the bedroom- lol... The thing that drives her the most crazy is when people sign and they have no clue what they are doing- or do it in a slow motion like she is blind too... like we knew this crazy girl one time that asked DP's cousin if she drives, or something that had to do with driving and she put her hands out like she was driving but moved them real slow- and my DP's cousin just looked at me- like, "is she kidding!"<br><br>
Does she have hearing aids? with Rachel (the cousin) she can hear better, but really she missed nearly every 2nd word, so it is a lot of repeating and laughting about it...<br><br>
If you keep it fun and light, she is more likely to warm up to you and I would also check out the web sites listed above. The main thing is that SL is very big, yet not all words have a sign. It can get confusing. I always ask Rachel "how do you say this, or that??" she likes teaching me.<br><br>
Good luck!
 

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I dont mind "hearing impaired" or "deaf" however, I like hearing impaired better, deaf makes me feel like I have an IQ of a door knob. And I know Rachel it doesnt matter either, most people that have hearing problems-- understand they have hearing problems- KWIM??
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>myjulybabes</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Oh wow, I had no idea. Sorry! Thanks for filling me in. So the preferred word is "deaf" then?</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"> I even know of a college instructor who is Deaf and teaches ASL classes who tells his students that calling a Deaf man "hearing impaired" is like calling a black man the "N" word.<br><br>
Thanks for not taking my post personally. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br><br>
* I just wanted to add, I'm reading that it should be written with a capital D.
 

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Here's some info on why it is offensive:<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Hearing-impaired -- A term much preferred by hearing people, largely because they view it as politically correct. In the mainstream society, to boldly state one's disability (e.g., deaf, blind, etc.) is somewhat rude and impolite. To their way of thinking, it is far better to soften the harsh reality by using the word "impaired" along with "visual", "hearing", and so on. "hearing-impaired" is a well-meaning word that is much-resented by deaf and hard of hearing people.<br><br>
Deaf and hard of hearing people feel that the words "deaf" and "hard of hearing" are not negative in any way at all. Indeed, the deaf and hard of hearing community views "hearing-impaired" as negative, because the label focuses on what they can't do. With this label, a standard has been set: the "hearing" standard. To be anything other than "hearing" is not acceptable to the mainstream society, and deaf and hard of hearing people have failed to meet the "standard". To be fair, this is probably what hearing people did not intend to convey to deaf and hard of hearing people every time they use "hearing impaired" as a label. Deaf and hard of hearing people believe that there is nothing wrong with them, and that their culture, language, and community are just as fulfilling as the ones experienced by the mainstream society.</td>
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<a href="http://www.nad.org/site/pp.asp?c=foINKQMBF&b=103786" target="_blank">http://www.nad.org/site/pp.asp?c=foINKQMBF&b=103786</a>
 

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I think it's great that you want to learn some signs. My mother is deaf and, when we were little, we signed with her. Just simple one or two word phrases. Now, she just reads lips with us kids. She is REALLY good at it too. It always somes in handy if we need to talk from across a room or in a noisy place. My sister and I are really good lips readers as well.<br><br>
Since you have met her and talked with her some, I think she would take it as a compliment that you went out and learned some signs. Kinda like when you are a tourist somewhere are you actually took the time to read up on the place you were going. The local people like that. I would make sure to bring a big pad of paper and a couple pens so you can still write back and forth. Maybe you could ask her to teach you a few simple phrases? She may enjoy teaching you and you will definately enjoy learning.<br><br>
I'm glad you found a nice mama friend and that you weren't scared off by her being unable to hear. I know my mother has missed out on making friends because people are just unsure of how to communicate with her.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MamaAllNatural</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"> I even know of a college instructor who is Deaf and teaches ASL classes who tells his students that calling a Deaf man "hearing impaired" is like calling a black man the "N" word.</div>
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Yes, this is generally the analogy used with Deaf Studies. Deaf (capital "D") and deaf (small "d") are different though, and it sounds like the woman the OP is referring to is Deaf with a cap "D", meaning uses ASL, identifies with the Deaf community etc (which not all deaf people do)......For the Deaf community, there is a much stronger identification with non-English speaking communities (as ASL is another language, Deaf culture is paralleled to other cultures, etc.). If she is deaf small "d" (meaning no identification with Deaf culture/history/community) this might not be a big deal. For a longer (and better!) description of this, see Lennard's "Mother, Father, Deaf."<br><br>
Like PP's said, look at HER, not an interpreter if she uses one, her face I mean. If you speak aloud don't speak loudly, slowly or enunciate more- this is insulting. Also, if you end up in a longer conversation don't hesitate to whip out a pen and paper and write stuff down. A dear friend of mine is Deaf and does not lipread for political reasons. My ASL is horrible and we write alot.<br><br>
OP. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> It sounds like by thinking about these things you are potentially trying to help her not feel/be tokenized or insulted and that's very thoughtful.
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MamaAllNatural</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Actually, "hearing impairment" and "hearing impaired" are very offensive to many deaf people. I hope you don't think I'm nit picking (sp?), but a lot of people are not aware of this. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hippie.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hippie"></div>
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Really!???!?!!<br><br>
Why? I had no clue and my dd is 'hearing impaired'! HA!<br><br>
Seriously - referring to my dd as deaf would bother her. She's not deaf but she definately has a hearing impairment. Make sense?<br><br>
OKAY! I just read further down and we do refer to dd as hard of hearing or HOH. Cracks my dh up since he loves Big Brother! Anyway - so I posted too soon and now I get it. And it makes perfect sense.....<br><br>
Wow! Ya learn something every day!<br><br>
To the op, like another poster suggested, make sure when you talk to her that you are looking at her. And I would bet money that she reads lips. My dd reads lips and can hear. She is only 9, but because she does have an impairment she learned to read. As a matter of fact, she doesn't even realize she reads lips........
 
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