Say that you're seeing someone out of town? That you found a provider somewhere else who shares your philosophies? Say as little as possible? I don't know...
Need some suggestions
I know this issue is discussed all the time... only, it doesn't help me to read others stuff, I need to have the discussion myself, so bear with me.
We are UP right now, and have no plans of hiring a mw anytime soon... jury is still out on who will/won't attend the birth. I guess we are going to wait and see, which very well may end up meaning UC for us. We really have NO plans other than to go with what seems right at the time, in the moment and with what the baby is wanting/needing.
BUT... people are starting to ask a lot about our care. I am the WORST lier in the world- am a totally open book kinda gal who has a knack for shocking people and going against the grain. So that means when people ask me, I have a hard time not saying, "Well we haven't decided if we will be assisted."
It occured to me the other day after my mother called to "make sure I was seeing someone for this baby" that I need to make up a lie about my care and plans for the birth. One, I don't want to have to explain to people why I am UP/UC. Two, I am concerned about judgement, but specifically any authority coming in. So I am trying to figure out the lie I want to make, or the response I will give people when they ask.
The options are that I am seeing a HB mw, that I am going to a local BC for prenatals until we decide about the birth, or that (GASP) I just went to the ol doc for labs, etc. The only thing is that we live in a very small town where most people know my birthing history (very traumatic crash c/s after planned HB) and they know my philosophy (as birth advocate, educator and doula). It would be hard for people to believe that I am going to the BC where they extracted DD from my womb... It would be almost impossible for them to believe I went to an ol doc... And as far as lying about seeing a specific mw, I am hesitant cause I don't want to put the mw's in a bad situation- like have them hear around town that I am seeing them when I am not.
The other option I can come up with is just that I am seeing my family doc (allopathic but very very woo-woo) or that "we have care but don't want to discuss our choices."
Any input would be of help. Thanks for reading this far.
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We are UP right now, and have no plans of hiring a mw anytime soon... jury is still out on who will/won't attend the birth. I guess we are going to wait and see, which very well may end up meaning UC for us. We really have NO plans other than to go with what seems right at the time, in the moment and with what the baby is wanting/needing.
BUT... people are starting to ask a lot about our care. I am the WORST lier in the world- am a totally open book kinda gal who has a knack for shocking people and going against the grain. So that means when people ask me, I have a hard time not saying, "Well we haven't decided if we will be assisted."
It occured to me the other day after my mother called to "make sure I was seeing someone for this baby" that I need to make up a lie about my care and plans for the birth. One, I don't want to have to explain to people why I am UP/UC. Two, I am concerned about judgement, but specifically any authority coming in. So I am trying to figure out the lie I want to make, or the response I will give people when they ask.
The options are that I am seeing a HB mw, that I am going to a local BC for prenatals until we decide about the birth, or that (GASP) I just went to the ol doc for labs, etc. The only thing is that we live in a very small town where most people know my birthing history (very traumatic crash c/s after planned HB) and they know my philosophy (as birth advocate, educator and doula). It would be hard for people to believe that I am going to the BC where they extracted DD from my womb... It would be almost impossible for them to believe I went to an ol doc... And as far as lying about seeing a specific mw, I am hesitant cause I don't want to put the mw's in a bad situation- like have them hear around town that I am seeing them when I am not.
The other option I can come up with is just that I am seeing my family doc (allopathic but very very woo-woo) or that "we have care but don't want to discuss our choices."
Any input would be of help. Thanks for reading this far.
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I don't suppose you could say "It's none of your business."? It really is such a personal question, I think, and I've never understood why so many people feel it's okay to ask. Or maybe "I'm sorry, that's a private matter." Sounds a bit nicer, tee hee.
I mean, really, how many people ask you if you're getting your yearly checkups and how your pap smears went? Sheesh.
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Otherwise, I'd go with the out of town option...
I mean, really, how many people ask you if you're getting your yearly checkups and how your pap smears went? Sheesh.
Otherwise, I'd go with the out of town option...
Say as little as possible as vaguely as possible.
"Did you see the doctor this month yet?"
-um... I think I go early next week
(for all I know I could be going early next week, maybe I'll decide to see someone!)
"What did the doctor/midwife say about how you are doing?"
I am doing great! I've gained a little weight, my uterus is right where it should be, and we're on track to having a baby in 4 months!
(keep the focus of the answer on how you are doing. Most people who ask aren't worried about an exact BP number, or a specific heartrate- they're looking for a general answer- and you know how you are feeling! You are the midwife
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What is working for me is to keep the fact that I am regnant low key. Its just another part of my life right now, and while I am excited- I avoid going on and on and making it a huge focus in my conversations with family and unsupportive people. I'm terrible at lying as well, so I avoid making elaborate lies up- as far as everyone knows I'm having a midwife attended homebirth. To avoid the panic when the topic of midwife comes up, I've convinced myslef that its okay to talk about myself in third person (I am me, and the I am the midwife!).
Something that helps is to distract the person asking me questions. I ask them for advice on XYZ relating to babies and/or birth. "How long was your labor?" "How big was your child when they were born?" gets them thinking and talking about themselves rather than me
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"Did you see the doctor this month yet?"
-um... I think I go early next week
(for all I know I could be going early next week, maybe I'll decide to see someone!)
"What did the doctor/midwife say about how you are doing?"
I am doing great! I've gained a little weight, my uterus is right where it should be, and we're on track to having a baby in 4 months!
(keep the focus of the answer on how you are doing. Most people who ask aren't worried about an exact BP number, or a specific heartrate- they're looking for a general answer- and you know how you are feeling! You are the midwife
What is working for me is to keep the fact that I am regnant low key. Its just another part of my life right now, and while I am excited- I avoid going on and on and making it a huge focus in my conversations with family and unsupportive people. I'm terrible at lying as well, so I avoid making elaborate lies up- as far as everyone knows I'm having a midwife attended homebirth. To avoid the panic when the topic of midwife comes up, I've convinced myslef that its okay to talk about myself in third person (I am me, and the I am the midwife!).
Something that helps is to distract the person asking me questions. I ask them for advice on XYZ relating to babies and/or birth. "How long was your labor?" "How big was your child when they were born?" gets them thinking and talking about themselves rather than me
2
I appreciate the replies I have received, and I think I am in a bit of a pickle still..
I agree it is no one's business. I am not concerned about answering strangers. The only reason I am at all concerned about this, is strictly from a legal/CYA perspective. And I don't want people's fear. The people I feel I need to make up a lie for are the people here in this community (very tight-night group of progressive people) who are used to knowing "really" how you are, etc. They are friends that know how much trauma I went through last time, and know how much birth means to me. Of course they are going to ask if we have chosen a care provider and what are plans are... not becuase they are being nosey in my mind, but because they love and support us and have been part of our journey in various ways, and also cause they know it is the central thing in my life- this birth work. I cannot tell them "It is none of your business." I could be vague, yes. I could lie... but I can't tell them off.
This is a VERY small area. There is no being vague and saying "Out of town". Out of town would either mean one of two choices really, and those are the ones I mentioned in my OP.
I am leaning on saying that I am using a specific mw... and giving her the heads up just so she's not confused when she hears from everyone stuff about us working together. I think maybe that is the best lie I can come up with... the mw knows I am UP and considering UC. In fact, she keeps encouraging me
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I agree it is no one's business. I am not concerned about answering strangers. The only reason I am at all concerned about this, is strictly from a legal/CYA perspective. And I don't want people's fear. The people I feel I need to make up a lie for are the people here in this community (very tight-night group of progressive people) who are used to knowing "really" how you are, etc. They are friends that know how much trauma I went through last time, and know how much birth means to me. Of course they are going to ask if we have chosen a care provider and what are plans are... not becuase they are being nosey in my mind, but because they love and support us and have been part of our journey in various ways, and also cause they know it is the central thing in my life- this birth work. I cannot tell them "It is none of your business." I could be vague, yes. I could lie... but I can't tell them off.
This is a VERY small area. There is no being vague and saying "Out of town". Out of town would either mean one of two choices really, and those are the ones I mentioned in my OP.
I am leaning on saying that I am using a specific mw... and giving her the heads up just so she's not confused when she hears from everyone stuff about us working together. I think maybe that is the best lie I can come up with... the mw knows I am UP and considering UC. In fact, she keeps encouraging me
Quote:
There you go, that's the solution:
"Who's examining you, how's it going?"
"I usually see 'name of person who's been doing paps' and everything was normal at my last visit."
"That's good, so the baby's growing well?"
"Yes indeed."
"Did you find out the gender at the last visit?"
"Um... I'm female...that's why I went for a pap..."
"What?"
"Would you care for some bean dip?"
Originally Posted by yvonnemlv I mean, really, how many people ask you if you're getting your yearly checkups and how your pap smears went? Sheesh.
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"Who's examining you, how's it going?"
"I usually see 'name of person who's been doing paps' and everything was normal at my last visit."
"That's good, so the baby's growing well?"
"Yes indeed."
"Did you find out the gender at the last visit?"
"Um... I'm female...that's why I went for a pap..."
"What?"
"Would you care for some bean dip?"
Quote:
If she's okay with it, then that is the perfect solution. Plus that gives you a good 1st call person to go to in the unlikely event that you do have questions. In fact, you could pre-arrange a fee with her for consultations.
Originally Posted by ariahsmum This is a VERY small area. There is no being vague and saying "Out of town". Out of town would either mean one of two choices really, and those are the ones I mentioned in my OP. I am leaning on saying that I am using a specific mw... and giving her the heads up just so she's not confused when she hears from everyone stuff about us working together. I think maybe that is the best lie I can come up with... the mw knows I am UP and considering UC. In fact, she keeps encouraging me
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Quote:
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bean dip anyone?
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan There you go, that's the solution: "Who's examining you, how's it going?" "I usually see 'name of person who's been doing paps' and everything was normal at my last visit." "That's good, so the baby's growing well?" "Yes indeed." "Did you find out the gender at the last visit?" "Um... I'm female...that's why I went for a pap..." "What?" "Would you care for some bean dip?" |
Ooh I love the bean dip reply posts!
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