[magmamaof3]

Hi
My husband and I are 21 we have 3 kids ( we had our 1st at 18, 2nd at 19 and our 3rd and 20) after our 3rd everyone around us told us how crazy we were or would just give us nasty looks. So after awhile we had convinced ourselves that we didn't want anymore kids and we were trying to find a way to get our insurance to pay to get my husband or I "fixed" with no luck because we are so young. Anyway, in my heart I didn't want to do this because I knew I wanted another baby. So the other day my DH, the kids and I were at the park and out of the blue I asked what he would say if I said I wanted another baby..............He got a huge smile on his face and we haven't stopped talking about how excited we are that we are going to have another baby and how glad we are that we were unable to go through with the getting "fixed" thing.

Anyway, once we started telling our friends and family that we want another baby all we have been hearing is how stupid we are or been getting some of the worst looks I have ever seen in my life. I am getting really upset because my husband gets embarrsed very easy. So my DH will start to go along with what everyone else is saying when we are talking to them but when we are alone he goes on and on about wanting to try and get pregnant this month and how excited he is. So I can't understand why he wont just stand by me and our decision when we are talking to friends and family.

Sorry I just wanted to vent. I am just so angry with the way everyone is acting about out dicsion to have another baby.

Oh I also wanted to know of any books or site I can go to, to help improve our odds of having a girl ( we have 2 boys and a girl so we are hoping to even things out).

Thanks for letting me vent,
Maggie

 

[jgreer]

In my opinion, and I don't mean to offend anyone, if you are able to adequately care for your family (support them financially) without being on public assistence, GO FOR IT!

If you are completely responsible and do not rely on anyone besides yourself to pay for the decisions you make, NO ONE has the right to judge your choice.

People who are on public assistence or are supported by other people, such as their parents (I'm certainly NOT assuming this is the case for you), and knowingly choose to bring a child into the world that they can't support, shouldn't expect others to foot the bill.

To me, if people aren't responsible enough to pay their own way, they aren't responsible enough to be parents.

Sorry, if that's harsh, but that's my view.

 

[erindaugherty]

I agree with jgreer, it's your decision! Your family. As long as you can lovingly support another baby. Isn't Utah the land of big families anyways???

 

[magmamaof3]

My husband and I are not on goverment assistence at all. We are a military family. We are able to support our family financially, trust me the military does not pay a lot but sense we do not pay for health care and our housing is taken care of, we have no problem supporting ourselves. Yes utah is the land of big families ( maybe thats why we want more kids, there must be something in the water :LOL ).

 

[seekermage]

I agree go for it! If you can afford it, or simply want more go for it. We by no means have a lot of money, heck some days we struggle. But I do want a big family....DH always wanted one too but he is worried about the whole money thing. ..my kids certainly arent lacking and there is more then enough love to share. Now if only DH would stop worrying we would have more then just these two monkeys we do have!

 

[KittyKat]

I have 4 kids. My first 3 were born when I was 20, 22, and 23. I know what you mean about feeling overwhelmed at first. I didn't feel like I never wanted more, I just wanted a long break. Well, byt the time #3 was a year old I was starting to get the baby itch again. I ended up getting pregnant with #4 just after her first birthday. Actually, I found adding #4 was not a big deal. We were already used to dealing with 3, the older ones were getting more able to do things for themselves, and it just was not as hard as having 3 within 3 years had been. When #4 was about a year and a half, I got that baby lusting feeling again. Sure enough, I got pregnant. We were all excited, and all devastated he didn't make it. Not trying to turn this whole thing sad, just show that even having 4 kids, we still were hoping for #5. We aren't trying or avoiding, just "letting whatever happens..."

Thankfully our family and friends are mostly supportive. We get a few odd looks from neighbors or people at the grocery store, but so what? It's OUR family! You should let your DH know it hurts your feelings when he goes along with people who are derogatory of your family size. Tell him you need him to be as supportive in public as he is in private. When people comment on your family decisions, let them know they are out of line. Or better yet, just don't say anything. When people ask if you are "gonna have more" say "My sex life is fine thanks, how's yours?" or say "I don't know. We're taking things one day at a time."

When you get pregnant if people ask say "Yes, in [month]! We just can't wait!" with a huge smile. I find if you are positive about your family, it can be contagious, and it helps with my ability to let negative comments roll off my back when I am just smiling and saying how much I love my family, etc. etc.

Hope this helps! And have fun trying for that next blessing!

 

[OTMomma]

I think sometimes it is best to keep things private and not tell people who aren't supportive. Its no one else's business how many kids you have, so there is no good reason to discuss it with them until it is a "done deal". Just wait to announce you are pregnant after you really are pregnant- and let everyone know you are thrilled and they should be too.

Good luck TTC

 

[HIEMommy]

I think its no ones business how many children you decide to have.
But if you talk to people about having more and you don't like what they hear then grow up and stop asking for people's advice, or looking for acknowledgement of your choices.

I live my life for me, I don't live my life and make choices dependant upon others agreeing or not with me.

Melissa
Ontario Canada
Lone Parent by Choice birth Mama to fraternal twins Christian (HIE, CP Gtube) and Lleyton 20.5 months, Zoe 10yrs, Dylan 12yrs, and TTC#5.

 

[magmamaof3]

Quote:

Actually, I found adding #4 was not a big deal.

KittyKat, I have heard that from a few people..........I can't imagine it getting any harder to deal with after having 3.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HIEMommy But if you talk to people about having more and you don't like what they hear then grow up and stop asking for people's advice, or looking for acknowledgement of your choices. I live my life for me, I don't live my life and make choices dependant upon others agreeing or not with me. .

Melissa, I told my friends and family because I was excited that my husband and I decided to have a 4th child and I wanted to share my excitment with them. I, in know way was looking for advice or acknowledgement of my choice. Seeing as these are my closest friends and family I thought they would be happy for us...........not tell us we were stupid( which would not change are choice) I was just a little upset that instead of being happy for us, the made fun of our choice.

Anyway, I was just looking to vent.........my feelings were a little hurt by there reactions but I will get over it. Now I just wish my husband would stop getting so embarrssed about our choice in front of our friends and family.

Maggie

 

[honeybee]

There are some wonderful advantages to having children young. My parents were 19 when I was born, and 23/24 when their third child, my youngest brother, was born. Yes, finances were a struggle, but I loved having young parents. Now my parents are just over 50 and are young and vibrant grandparents. I also had wonderful relationships with my own grandparents, and one set of great grandparents. Ds also has living great-grandparents.

I made the choice to wait longer before having children. This is the choice that worked best for dh and I. I was 29 when ds was born, 10 years older than my parents were! I'm now 31 and ttc #2. There are advantages to having children at this age, too. But, I also want a large family, and I'm a little worried that time will run out on us, lol!

Everyone is different. Enjoy your family and try to ignore the detractors.

 

[magmamaof3]

Quote:

There are some wonderful advantages to having children young.

We love having our kids young. We do plan on this baby being our last. We love the idea of all our kids being adults when we are 42, my DH will be retiring from th Air Force around that time as well, so we figure that well be our time together

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