Mothering Forum banner

1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
249 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone,<br><br>
It's been awhile since I've been on the boards. It's been a little overwhelming since I left stbx. I left him in February, and have not had any time to post, or the guts I suppose. I know it is real, it is just so hard to actually write it out. I've been w/ him since I was 16, and he was my first real relationship. I'm 28 now, I was married for 5 years. We have a 16 month old dd which we had through IVF. I love her death. Stbx is disabled w/ a rare neurological disorder, that he was diagnosed w/ almost 2 years ago. Unfortunately, our problems started way before that, but I was so blinded by the whole IVF process, and wanted a baby, that I just couldn't look at anything else. He was very controlling, and had refused to have sex w/ me about 2 1/2 years ago, b/c I did not refuse to have a male doctor perform one of my ivf transfers. It was a last minute doctor change on the weekend. I had to have the embryos transferred then or not at all. I can't even believe I'm justifying this. He stuck to it, and hasn't had sex w/ me since. Anyway, prior to this I was not allowed to see male doctors. Even go so far as me being in the emergency room once, due to pg related problems. I told the nurse that I was having terrible cramping. She thought the doc would want to do a pelvic exam. Before the doc came in dh said I better not let him. When the doc did come in, I told him I was justed cramped b/c I'd been vomitting so much, and it wasn't that bad. I ended up losing that pg, not b/c of that situation, but still resented the fact that stbx cared more about his emotions than my well being. He said that if it really was a life threating sitation he would understand.<br>
Now I'm on my own, and even though taking care of dd alone is difficult it is much easier than it was when he was there. His disorder has gotten much worse, and wanted me to miserable w/ him. He has let his family think I left him b/c of his disorder. My SIL has known the truth all along, and is very supportive, but it is still very scary. After dd was born, I started have panick attacks over little things. Stbx wouldn't let my parents come over to help in the morning, b/c he didn't like them in the house while he slept. I finally stopped worrying about him, and started worrying about my own well-being.<br>
I was a SAHM, and now I'm in a position where I don't know what I want to do w/ my life. I have my dd, who comes first. Which makes it impossible to start any sort of real career. I don't regret having her for one second, I just realize that my parents aren't going to be around forever. They have been supporting me since I seperated.<br>
Sorry for just dumping this on all of you. I just needed to get it off my chest. I'm so scared, and don't know what I'm going to do!!!!<br><br>
Teagan
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,157 Posts
Sounds like you've been through a lot and are still going through a lot. It is all a process.....somedays are easier than others. I hope you have a strong support system, that will help alot. I'm glad you've posted here. Sometimes just typing things out can make us feel a lot better.<br>
Wishing you lots of peace right now ~ L.J.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,238 Posts
I live relatively close to you. PM me if you would like to get together.<br><br>
You have a lot of options around here!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
397 Posts
I am so sorry you have been thru so much <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I know how hard it feels in the beginning to actually sit down and formulate a "what next?" plan, but it is so empowering to start working toward your goals <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I think I started realizing how much I really was worth and how much my husband had been wrong when I finally started working toward what I want to do with my life.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,476 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I just wanted to say that your post is inspirational! I have been w/ DH since I was 17, and I am almost 25 now. Married nearly 7 years, with a 3.5 year old and a almost 10 month old. I am a SAHM too. I am terrified. I am praying my mother will let us move in soon, because we will probably sell this house. You sound brave, I am sure you will find something you want to do. If you can take any type of classes, or get some certifications that may help in finding a job. Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
635 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>teagan</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I finally stopped worrying about him, and started worrying about my own well-being.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I believe that if you you have reached this point, then you are on the right path. Stay strong mama, and things will work out for you. Having been through a similar experience, I have discovered that, no matter how hard I try, I can only fix the worlds of my children and myself... and that is now my priority. I let everyone else take care of themselves (or not) as they see fit.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
249 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks mamas!!! It's a good feeling to finally just let it all out. I've kinda been in a different world since I left him, and now I'm finally looking at reallity.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,559 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> s mama. I left my xdp last May. I was a SAHM too, and now I am not. It was the hardest thing for me to do. I just couldn't see another way. However, staying in the relationship would have been worse. You are doing a good job of taking care of you and your dd. Your dd will be okay, b/c you love her. It isn't an easy road, but it is worth it.
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top