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My MIL is getting on my last nerve. Yesterday she asked me if I was planning on sending my 3 yr old dd to Head Start next year. I have told everyone since my dd was a baby that I plan on homeschooling her. She now knows her ABC's, how to count to 15, all her colors, shapes, capital letter recognition and half of the lower case letters, animals and sounds etc. I have taught her all of that but MIL acts like she'll never learn a thing if I don't put her in the public school system and that she won't make any friends or have anyone to play with. I take her to the playground all the time so she can play with other kids and she has a friend next door and two cousins to play with. I told her when she gets a bit older I plan on enrolling her in extra curricular activities as well. "But dont you want her to go to preschool at least?" she asks. IMO preschool is just overrated daycare, I can do everything they do there at home, we play with playdough and paint and she's learning how to use the keyboard and mouse on the computer.<br><br>
Then there's my baby boy, he's 3 months old and I wear him in a mei tai for all of his naps. At night he sleeps in a co sleeper by our bed and she says I'm spoiling him and need to stop holding him so much. GRRRRRRR I went through the same thing with her when my dd was little.<br><br>
I've decided to delay and selectively vax ds and she thinks that's crazy. "What if he gets hepatitis B because you didn't give it to him at birth?" she asks. I tried to explain to her that it's extremely unlikely he would get that since it's primarily passed through needles and sex and no one in our family has it but she insisted she knew some man who had it one time and he was really sick and he got it from eating some bad food. Whatever. She's so ignorant sometimes<br><br>
When my dd was little she used to tell me that spanking worked wonders on her boys (whatever, my husbands brothers are drug addicts who can't hold down a job) and I wasn't being tough enough because I use time outs instead. Now she's going to college and reading about positive discipline and taking the same courses I took which is how I learned about using logical and natural consequences etc. And she tells ME that time outs are great and spanking is bad. I guess I should just be glad that she has at least had a change of heart on this topic but it irritates me that I've been telling her for years about how harmful spanking is and now she's taken a few college courses and acting like she's an expert on the subject.The other day she even told me about this article she read about time outs and how I should be doing it that way. I was like uh I already do it that way! GRRRRR<br><br>
So anyway I was thinking of printing up some articles for her about this stuff since she doesn't listen to me but will listen to experts. DOes anyone have any suggestions for short articles about this stuff? I've found some things on Dr Sears and Jay Gordons websites but I really need short articles since she's going to college and doesnt have a lot of time for extra reading material.<br><br>
Also, any advice on what to say when she criticizes my parenting philosophies? WWYD?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>FreeThinkinMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7906473"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">IMO preschool is just overrated daycare, I can do everything they do there at home, we play with playdough and paint and she's learning how to use the keyboard and mouse on the computer.<br><br><br>
I've decided to delay and selectively vax ds and she thinks that's crazy. "<b>What if he gets hepatitis B because you didn't give it to him at birth?" she asks. I tried to explain to her that it's extremely unlikely he would get that since it's primarily passed through needles and sex and no one in our family has it but she insisted she knew some man who had it one time and he was really sick and he got it from eating some bad food.</b> Whatever. She's so ignorant sometimes<br><br>
So anyway I was thinking of printing up some articles for her about this stuff since she doesn't listen to me but will listen to experts. DOes anyone have any suggestions for short articles about this stuff? I've found some things on Dr Sears and Jay Gordons websites but I really need short articles since she's going to college and doesnt have a lot of time for extra reading material.<br><br>
Also, any advice on what to say when she criticizes my parenting philosophies? WWYD?</div>
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You don't get Hep B from bad food, you get Hep A. She needs to do some research before opening her mouth <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> And ITA with the preschool thing. I do not know if we will homeschool or not, but with all of the things happening recently I am thinking more about it again. I want to keep my kids safe. You might also want to tell your MIL that there are homeschooling co-ops and everyone gets together and does group activities. It isn't like you're totally cut off from society <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br>
When she criticizes your parenting, tell her "You raised your kids and had your turn, now I have my own kids and its my turn. Just because I do things differently than you isn't a dig against your own parenting. Stop being so sensitive. " Seriously! People who criticize things like that, especially in laws and grandparents, often take it personally if you don't do things the way they did. Sometimes you just have to explain to them that the world doesn't revolve around them and not everyone is out to get them, kwim? Well, at least that's what I had to do with my mom LOL! Good luck hun.
 

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I wish I had more advice but Mama Poot really had something good to say, good luck!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>FreeThinkinMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7906473"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">IMO preschool is just overrated daycare</div>
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Absolutely true in our case! Our daycare is a daycare/preschool. The only difference is that the preschool kids are there for only half the day and don't get lunch and naps!
 

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I have to agree with this Mama Poot! I swear my mother is so anti the way I parent because she feels that I feel the way she parented was wrong.<br><br>
Often I just say "Well they don't do that anymore." or "Well now they recommend that you do THIS instead."<br>
My sister's MIL tried to give my 6 month old nephew a bite of her hamburger bun and when my sister told her he wasn't ready for food she went off on how her boys were fed rice cereal since birth and fed food by 3 months and that you HAVE to feed them young otherwise they won't eat, etc.. My sister just told her "they" don't recommend food before 6-9 months now and left it at that.
 

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i soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo know what you are going though<br><br>
Have you looked at<br><br><a href="http://www.naturalchild.org/" target="_blank">http://www.naturalchild.org/</a><br><br>
many artical -- by college profs most of them -- on sleep and baby wearing and other topices.....<br><br>
espcially check out the sleep resech by James McKenna a PhD and nationally known sleep reseacher.<br><br><br>
I know my MIL is just like your's (are you sure you aren't married to a BIL I don't know)<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">When she criticizes your parenting, tell her "You raised your kids and had your turn, now I have my own kids and its my turn. Just because I do things differently than you isn't a dig against your own parenting. Stop being so sensitive. "</td>
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this won't work. being rational doesn't work. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I would find an artical o -- main stream like WebMD or soemthing -- ont eh difernt Heps and high light that Hep b is blood born (thus needles, bites, sex).<br><br>
Aimee
 

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Might I gently suggest not sharing your plans with her quite so much.<br><br>
If she asks what you plan to do for dd's schooling, just say, "Hmmm. . . we're not sure yet." If she asks about shots, say "she's up-to-date." (Mil doesn't have to know that your idea of current is not the same as the AAPs.) I think it saves a lot of headache to be evasive with people who seem hellbent of disagreeing with my parenting practices. Good luck.
 

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I would get her the Dr Sears book The Dicipline Book. I like how it talks about how babywearing, cosleeping, knowing your children, etc... helps with raising well behaved children with fewer dicipline issues and with how to handle any issues that do come up. Very AP friendly, great read.
 

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My mother is that way....nothing I ever do seems to be "right". I homeschool one of my two children so it's even stranger I'm sure, lol. I tried to tell her, "we're not discussing this topic..." or something along those lines. She would ignore that...til one day we fought... Now, we get along and she doesn't give me opinions I don't care to have.<br><br>
I do understand...it's so undermining and not right.
 

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i think homeschooling sounds blissful and wonderful but, for the reason of giving you a differnt way to look at how to explain your choice, i just want to throw in there that it isnt right for every child.<br><br>
my ds goes to a very wonderful private preschool that is FAR above and beyond what daycares are, or what other preschools in my town are. his teachers are supreme, sensitive , very AP - minded, and NFL sustainable living oriented. this preschool is part of a parent co-op school that is amazing. these teachers are trained in ealry childhood education, and i am not, and have even helped me with parenting issues just from me observing them. i think ds and i have WAY benifitted from preschool, and for us homeschool was not only impossible this year, but would have been a disaster. there is def. something to be said for him seeing the same kids every day and learning and growing with them. esp. as an only child.<br><br>
and, because i know schools like this do exist, i think it is as narrow minded to bash all preschool, and all schooling, just as it is to bash homeschooling becasue some people use homeschooling as an excuse to simply shelter their children.<br><br>
and the reason i say this to you, is that i think it will strengthen your argument with your MIL if you show her the benifits of homeschooling *without* really bashing school.<br><br>
because , when you focus on how "bad" schools are or say preschool is "overrated daycare", many people know that isnt true, so your generalization weakens your argument. your MIL probalby knows of or has directly observed wonderful preschools. so i would choose articles that emphasize the positive about homeschooling. and i would try, as hard as you can, to not generalize, but stick to specifics about your choices, and your child.<br><br>
and the same would follow with the rest of the issues. but i agree with whoever said you could also simply say " its my turn to be a mom now, and i will do it the way i see fit." that takes less energy and time! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>TinkerBelle</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7909131"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">MIL should be on a "need-to-know" basis. Mine is.</div>
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Hey, mine too! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Say, "This is a PARENTAL decision. We've chosen what is right for our family, and the subject isn't up for discussion." Repeat, if needed, as many times as necessary.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ann-Marita</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7909980"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Say, "This is a PARENTAL decision. We've chosen what is right for our family, and the subject isn't up for discussion." Repeat, if needed, as many times as necessary.</div>
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<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>FreeThinkinMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7906473"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br>
Also, any advice on what to say when she criticizes my parenting philosophies? WWYD?</div>
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Stop discussing it with her. You obviously don't agree and probably never will. As was said on a famous thread around here some time ago, "Pass the bean dip," i.e., change the subject if she tries to bring it up. Pretty soon she'll get the picture that it's not open for discussion.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>stirringleaf</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7909767"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">i think homeschooling sounds blissful and wonderful but, for the reason of giving you a differnt way to look at how to explain your choice, i just want to throw in there that it isnt right for every child.<br><br>
my ds goes to a very wonderful private preschool that is FAR above and beyond what daycares are, or what other preschools in my town are.<br><br>
and, because i know schools like this do exist, i think it is as narrow minded to bash all preschool, and all schooling, just as it is to bash homeschooling becasue some people use homeschooling as an excuse to simply shelter their children.<br><br>
and the reason i say this to you, is that i think it will strengthen your argument with your MIL if you show her the benifits of homeschooling *without* really bashing school.<br><br>
because , when you focus on how "bad" schools are or say preschool is "overrated daycare", many people know that isnt true, so your generalization weakens your argument. your MIL probalby knows of or has directly observed wonderful preschools. so i would choose articles that emphasize the positive about homeschooling. and i would try, as hard as you can, to not generalize, but stick to specifics about your choices, and your child.<br><br>
and the same would follow with the rest of the issues. but i agree with whoever said you could also simply say " its my turn to be a mom now, and i will do it the way i see fit." that takes less energy and time! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"></div>
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<br>
Yeah,all of the above! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>stirringleaf</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7909767"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">i think homeschooling sounds blissful and wonderful but, for the reason of giving you a differnt way to look at how to explain your choice, i just want to throw in there that it isnt right for every child.<br><br>
my ds goes to a very wonderful private preschool that is FAR above and beyond what daycares are, or what other preschools in my town are. his teachers are supreme, sensitive , very AP - minded, and NFL sustainable living oriented. this preschool is part of a parent co-op school that is amazing. these teachers are trained in ealry childhood education, and i am not, and have even helped me with parenting issues just from me observing them. i think ds and i have WAY benifitted from preschool, and for us homeschool was not only impossible this year, but would have been a disaster. there is def. something to be said for him seeing the same kids every day and learning and growing with them. esp. as an only child.<br><br>
and, because i know schools like this do exist, i think it is as narrow minded to bash all preschool, and all schooling, just as it is to bash homeschooling becasue some people use homeschooling as an excuse to simply shelter their children.<br><br>
and the reason i say this to you, is that i think it will strengthen your argument with your MIL if you show her the benifits of homeschooling *without* really bashing school.<br><br>
because , when you focus on how "bad" schools are or say preschool is "overrated daycare", many people know that isnt true, so your generalization weakens your argument. your MIL probalby knows of or has directly observed wonderful preschools. so i would choose articles that emphasize the positive about homeschooling. and i would try, as hard as you can, to not generalize, but stick to specifics about your choices, and your child.<br><br>
and the same would follow with the rest of the issues. but i agree with whoever said you could also simply say " its my turn to be a mom now, and i will do it the way i see fit." that takes less energy and time! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"></div>
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My degree is in ECE as well. So I don't think it makes sense to send my children to strangers who have the same degree I do.<br><br>
I didn't tell my MIL that I think preschools are overrated daycares, I haven't gone into all my reasons for homeschooling with her. I was planning on finding some of the statistics that show how homeschooled students fair better than public schooled students on standardized tests etc. Not about how bad public school is. I didn't say all schooling is bad either. Don't put words in my mouth.<br><br>
Oh and btw I think it's really unhelpful to criticize me for homeschooling and go on about how wonderful public school is in a post where I am ranting about someone who is doing the same thing and asking for advice on how to deal with them. i posted this on mothering for a reason sheez
 

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To everyone else who replied, thanks so much for your support and advice. I think some good points were brought up about keeping her on a need to know basis LOL. I just need to learn to keep my big mouth shut. And also telling her it's not up for discussion over and over. Sometimes she acts like she's hard of hearing, interupts a lot, seems to be thinking of what she's going to say next instead of actually listening so I may have to say it 100 times before it sinks in HAHA<br><br>
I think I will still share some articles with her. My intention is not to change her mind and convince her that all of these things are wonderful. I just want to show her that I make my parenting decisions based on careful thought and research, and listening to my maternal instinct. She acts as if I don't have a clue or something just because she's going to college now. Heck I was the one who supported her idea to go back to college after I got my degree. Boy did that bite me in the butt. Oh well, thanks again everyone for reading my vent!
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>FreeThinkinMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7911079"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My degree is in ECE as well. So I don't think it makes sense to send my children to strangers who have the same degree I do.<br><br>
I didn't tell my MIL that I think preschools are overrated daycares, I haven't gone into all my reasons for homeschooling with her. I was planning on finding some of the statistics that show how homeschooled students fair better than public schooled students on standardized tests etc. Not about how bad public school is. I didn't say all schooling is bad either. Don't put words in my mouth.<br><br>
Oh and btw I think it's really unhelpful to criticize me for homeschooling and go on about how wonderful public school is in a post where I am ranting about someone who is doing the same thing and asking for advice on how to deal with them. i posted this on mothering for a reason sheez</div>
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i think you somehow misread my post. i love homeschooling, i used to nanny for someone so they could homeschool older children and i looked after the baby/toddler when i was a teen, and ended up slightly homeschooled myself as a result. it is a wonderful thing, i was trying to just provide a perspective /counterbalance/whatever in hopes of trying to help forumlate an argument to your MIL in favor of homeschooling. the kids that were homeschooled before my very eyes have all grown up to be some of the most amazingly talented young people i have ever met. i agree schools, esp publich schools, fail us in many ways.<br><br>
i didnt know your background or what you had already said. i was just offering a strategy based on your OP. sorry you took it hard, i am not sure how i conveyed anything but support, but i know that can happen sometimes in dry internet posts, where you cant hear someones tone.
 

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just adding, in response to your comment that it you dont see how it would make sense to send your kids to someone who you are just as trained as:<br><br>
it totally doesnt make sense. if you have the kind of lifestyel that allowes you to be a SAHM, it comepletly makes sense to homeschool for as long as you see fit.<br><br>
as a single mama who has to be in school and work right now, homeschooling isnt an option. but i was just happily reporting to you that not all preschool is lame...a discovery i made with great relief this year after being really worried about it...
 
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