[stayathomecristi]

Grrrrr. Well, it looks like I won't be going on ANOTHER corporate-sponsored vacation this February. It just seems so unfair!

Background: My husband is in sales and each year has the opportunity to earn a trip for the two of us to various locations around the globe. They sent us to Hawaii 4 years ago, Cancun the year after that, then two years ago hubby went to the Bahamas ( I couldn't go b/c I was having a difficult pregnancy with dd and chose to stay home). Last year was AZ (dh didn't make that trip) and this February's trip will be a Western Carribean cruise). These trips are done very nicely and they even give $$ for extra things like spa treatments (things I can't afford to do at home), so I really look forward to them. DH and I rarely get away for even a night away from our (now) 4 kids and this is 5 nights/6 days for FREE including everything!

Anyhow, I'm still nursing dd 17 mo and basically I now have to make the choice of whether to wean her or not go on the trip. I hate that. I've decided that I will not wean just to go on a trip, but I'm peeved that they are not more family-friendly--at least to nursing moms.

The way the trips are set up is that you get lots of free time and it's mostly a vacation, but there are two mandatory things to attend--a breakfast and an awards night which also incudes a very fancy dinner.

My understanding is that no one has ever brought a dc to one of these events for any reason and that it's "not allowed".

I would be willing to pay for dd to come with us, but don't want to cause trouble for dh and his company. If they made an exception for us, they would inevitably have to do it for others. I don't have a problem with that, but apparently they do.

I couldn't pay for an extra cabin on the ship (to bring a babysitter for example), but i could either skip the 'mandatory things' or use the ship's child care during those times. The company is afraid that if someone sees us with dd, that pandora's box would be opened.

Am I wrong to feel angry? My husband earned that trip for the two of us. Let's not forget all the nights that he was out working and I had to pick up the slack. I earned the trip, too IMO!

Has anyone gone through this and had a successful outcome? I'm sure they don't have to accommodate us legally, and I'm not sure I would push too hard for what I want, but geez.
___________________________

UPDATE:
Well, dh wouldn't even ask how much more it would be to bring dd--grrrr. All he told them was that he didn't know whether to sign up for one person or two because his wife was still nursing. They told him to go ahead and sign up for both, then let them know if I wasn't coming. When I pressed him, he said that he agreed with the company's position and that he would rather stay home than to take a toddler on that trip. He originally told me that I wouldn't want to bring her b/c it would be a lot of work for me to chase her around. Uh...let me see.... I could chase dd around a cruise ship in the sunny carribean or I could stay home in snowy New England and take care of 4 kids by myself. That's s difficult decision

Now, it's come out that he doesn't want her there at all despite whether the company would make the exception or not. I'm really angry. He's "offered" to stay home and take the flak from work, but I know he doesn't really mean it.

Then, there's the issue of child care (for the little one) if we had weaned. My parents are willing to take the older kids--ages 13, 9, and 8, but would have a really hard time with Mellie. She is allergic to everything under the sun and is like the ever-ready bunny (never naps, goes to bed at 11:00pm and is up 2-3 times during the night, gets up for good by 7:00 am, etc). My parents came up the day after Christmas and were so worn out that they only stayed one night at our house. I can't imagine them dealing with her for a whole week. So, basically I was screwed from the beginning and didn't know it.

I'm so mad that I'm considering booking a different cruise for the week after he gets back for just the baby and me. Maybe he would appreciate all I do a little more.

 

[dawndup]

That is frustrating. I'm guessing they wouldn't be willing to give you guys travel vouchers so you can go on a trip some other time?

 

[kofduke]

Sorry they're not family-friendly...I always have no idea why companies want to separate parents and kids for anything more than work reasons. Just a thought, though - why would you necessarily have to wean DD to go, even for 4-5 nights? If you pumped to maintain supply, it might be do-able. I know some mamas on the working moms board have had to leave their older nurslings for around this period of time, and all of them have been able to do it and resume nursing. Just a thought if you're interested

 

[MamaAllNatural]

I would be angry that they aren't more family friendly too but I, personally, wouldn't go. That's just me though.

If you do end up going you definately don't have to wean and you should definately pump, not only while you're away, but also before you go so the baby can be left with plenty of breastmilk.

I really do hate how anti-family our society is sometimes (or rather most of the time). Mothers and children are always feeling they have to separate against their will.

 

[Hayes]

Can you hire a baby sitter to go with you? Call teh cruise line. sOmetimes they offer a sitting service or "daycare" type situation on the ship. We took my 1 year old to Amsterdam with us. he went to a very fancy black tie event. I put him in the sling and he had a blast! He was the beaux of the ball. he passed out in the sling, and we all had a BLAST!

 

[stayathomecristi]

Thanks for the suggestions, but I just don't think it's going to work. Mellie still nurses 5-6 times during the day and a couple of times during the night. I can't imagine how she will deal with mommy being away so long. She nurses to sleep and I'm sure she would freak out without me there for 5 days even if I pumped and she had yummy b/m while I was away. Sometimes if I leave her for even a couple of hours with daddy she cries a lot, my nerves would be shot to think of how she would be for that long.

Hayes--babysitter on board is a no-no. Their whole point is that if my dd comes on the trip that others will think it's o.k. I even thought that I might get a second cabin and bring my mom or something, but that's not going to work either. Inevitably someone high up would see dh, me and Mellie together and there would be a problem.

Part of me wants to do it just to push the envelope, but I don't want to make dh's work life difficult with the aftermath. I guess I'll just stay home again, but I'm gonna pout for a while

:

 

[soccerchic21]

That is frustrating. Personally I don't see the problem even if you did open pandora's box. First of all you are nursing a very good excuse and if you don't bring the child to any of the mandatory events what is the big deal? Especially if you are paying the extra costs of you bringing your child.

 

[plantmommy]

We have a kinda similar sich with my dh, (also in sales) and since he didn't start working with them until my 2nd youngest was born, I have never gone on any of the trips. grrrr! They will even fly employees and spouses into Portland for the xmas party, but we'd have to pay for the kids to go.

I also don't have anybody I would leave the older kids with.

 

[foreverinbluejeans]

Consider going on the trip and just you not attending the mandatory events. You get to go on the trip and at least your husband can be at the mandatory events. What do single men do? So what if people see you with your toddler?

 

[stayathomecristi]

The single men are not allowed to bring a significant other---spouses only!

But, that's another forum--lol

C

 

[mother_sunshine]

That's so sad that your dh's company is so anti-family

:. I personally would bring dd if I really wanted to go. I just wouldn't attend the 2 events. I would hold my head high with pride that I included my child despite what other's thought. That is hugely their problem if they have a problem with it. If you are paying the extra money to bring your child then they should have absolutely no say over the situation. If anything I would think it would send the very important message that says family does matter. Especially since this situation isn't going to go away as long as dh is working there.

However, if dh is against it and feels like it would make his life at work troublesome then I just wouldn't go. IMHO, all that material stuff just isn't worth the sacrifice of family.

 

[PadmaMorgana]

I wouldn't go. I would stay home and nurse the one who needs me. And I would hope DH wouldn't go as well. If he has to go, he has to go.

But ......

when push came to shove and loyalties were called into play (like if DH was headhunted) I would certainly show this company no loyalty. There is NO reason a nursling (even a toddler) could not be brought along on this cruise. You could stay in the cabin with the babe during these "important" events. If the rest of the time is 'free time' why would the company care.

oh and you are not wrong to feel angry. I get to be a solo parent 2 weeks out of 5 and deal with sobbing kids who miss their hands on daddy. What do I get?? NADA. As any CHILD is not allowed at the Christmas Party. And that is ALL they do for spouses. There are NO family activities. NONE. And my DH is willing to jump ship for the right job in a family friendly company because of this.

 

[stayathomecristi]

Please see update at the end of my orginal post.

 

[mother_sunshine]

Wow, I don't know what to say.....

Have you thought about asking him to read this thread? I don't know if that would help him see how you feel and that this is something very important to you.