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OMG! I can't believe how rude she was! Does she have any training???<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!"><br>
I just hope you can forget everything that poor ignorant woman told you.<br>
Have you read Birthing from Within? It is a wonderful book with great ideas on how to get in touch with your birth and face your fears. I used it with my last birth and though I don't have it this time I am doing things I remember from it. I agree with you that it is very important to face all your fears before the birth and deal with them before hand. I am doing the same thing, and did it with my last birth. I don't talk to anyone else about these fears, except perhaps dh a bit. I write them in a journal, draw them, write and repeat positive affirmations...etc... That is what I would suggest for you. Reach into yourself for the confidence and power to have the birth you want. You don't need anyone else's confirmation.<br>
Anyway, I hope you can forget or move past the things this woman said. Get Birthing from Within if you haven't read it. Good luck to you! You are right here, and she was dead wrong. Just remember that.<br>
Beth
 

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I just wanted to add, of course we can't shut down our liver or stop our lungs. Why in heavens name would we want to do that???? I do think we can heal our liver and make ourselves breath better with the power of our minds and spirits. Sometimes outside help is desired (herbs, homeopathy, drugs) and needed and lots of times it is not. We control our bodies to our good health, not to our detriment. It is very interesting that she chose those examples to try to prove her point. To me she proved just the opposite. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hippie.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hippie"><br><br>
Beth
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="dropjaw"><br><br><br>
OMG! ((((((((SmashingHP)))))))))) That just bites! What a bizarre encounter. Did you feel like you were in the Twilight Zone? Sounds like you ended up with the most mainstream of counselors. I'm so sorry.<br><br>
I know that there are more holistic people out there if you still want to talk to someone. But, I would ask a midwife for a referrel. She might have a good idea of their view of birth.<br><br>
Also, the Birthing From Within is really good. The fear release in it is great. Also, the HypnoBabies yahoo thingie has a fear release script as well.<br><br>
This just bites. I hope you can deal with her and forget her opinion. Because, that's all it was. You just had an encounter with a close minded mainstream know-it-all who doesn't really know anything about your experience or taking responsibility for yourself during birth.
 

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Oh, wow - regardless of how she feels about birth, her job was not to give you her opinion, but to validate your feelings of insecurity, the lack of ownership over your body and your experience, and your anxiety surrounding birth.<br><br>
I'm so sorry you had to deal with this. I would politely write her a letter - or call her - describing what you felt and what your experience of the session was. It's not your job to educate her on normal birth - and you shouldn't be put in the position to do that.<br><br>
{{{hugs}}}<br><br>
You deserve a compassionate ear and a solid foundation to build from. Perhaps, like was mentioned, doing some exercises from Birthing From Within might help. Also, the book Pregnant Feelings by Rahima Baldwin has some amazing emotional-searching exercises.
 

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I was in need of counseling after my first birth and luckily found just the right person -- a natural-birth friendly midwife. Sounds like the counselor you saw has absolutely no clue about birth issues and birth trauma. Sorry you had to waste your time with her! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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{{{hugs}}}<br><br>
You need counselling after that counselling! I had a similar experience after the birth of my son. Somehow I endured 2 sessions with a woman who opposed all my childrearing philosophies and then told me if we kept co-sleeping (he was 8 weeks old) he would be in therapy someday. Sigh.<br><br>
All I can say is put it behind you, she has no clue what she is talking about. Just because someone is a therapist doesn't mean that they are right. I would interview therapists before hand and ask them up front what kind of support they can offer. Their job is not to judge but to support and help you work it out.<br><br>
{{{more hugs}}}<br><br>
Amy
 

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well how about using us for counsellors? lol you could share your fears about childbirth with us and maybe we can help you sort through them and deal with them? I know we definitely WON"T be as ignorant as that counsellor - who better to talk to than mothers who have been through different births themselves?
 

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<b>What?</b><br><br>
I cannot even COMPREHEND what the heck happened to you with your 'counselor'?<br><br>
WhAT kind of 'counselor' was this?<br><br>
People with IRRATIONAL FEARS or anxiety disorders get counseling--they say, "I'm afraid to go to the mall" and the counselor says, "that's okay, tell me more about your fears, you're not a huge freak like you think you are, let's talk about your feelings, blah blah VALIDATE blah blah blah."<br><br>
The counselor does <b>not</b> say: "Are you some kind of stupid idiot? WHAT is scary about a mall? Everyone ELSE can go to a mall, you are crazy, I'm callin' the men in white coats right now."<br><br>
YOUR counselor could not have been more insensitive. MAYBE on meeting 3 or 4 you can get into talking 'reality' about something like this, just like you might talk to the mall-phobic about why malls aren't scary after a few sessions.<br><br>
YOUR counselor does not need you to try to educate her about the safety of a less-interventive birth, just as SHE is certainly not the right person to tell you about birthing safety in the U.S.A. I'd rather hear an OB talk than some 'counselor'. Whatever.<br><br>
Does it help a rape victim to say: "yeah, well, women aren't supposed to be raped by some criminal in the bushes anyway, so don't be afraid." or "you were wearing a short skirt and asked for it, don't you know how risky it is to be a woman in public these days?"<br><br>
All your "counselor" had to do was say: "wow, yes, I can see why you felt like your body failed you, you had all sorts of doctors doing things to get your labor moving. Yes, that must have been scary to be not in control of the labor process. Yes, I hear you saying you were upset that the doctor had to use a vaccuum to deliver your baby. It sounds like you'd prefer a birth experience that feels less scary to you this next time."<br><br>
Where, ladies, in my example above, did I ever suggest that I felt birth was totally natural and SHOULD be done at home and that c-sections aren't the way to go?!?!? Nowhere!!! You could truly belive that scheduled c-sections are the best idea in the world AND STILL SAY STUFF like I just typed in my example, because JEEZ, your job is counselor, not Birth Plan Maker.<br><br>
Never go to this counselor again. She was useless and detremental to your spirit and mental health.
 

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oh Smash, I just gotta say--w/ #1 I did a pit induction, AROM, epidural (a crappy one) & episiotomy (no vacuum) and a no-meds homebirth was a BREEZE painwise...it hurt, but NOTHING like the agony of the hospital experience! You'll do great!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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SmashingHP, I, too, have heard of woman after woman saying that homebirth was soooo much easier and less painful than their hospital births.<br><br>
And, the Hypnomoms who had prior children before using Hypno for birth vs. not say it was like night and day.<br><br>
A friend of mine has 4 kids. The first two were hospital births complete with epidurals. Then, she did HypnoBirthing for the 3rd. She kept waiting to go to the hospital, because it didn't hurt. Then, transition hit and she realized she needed to get there fast. She made it to the hospital and delivered on a gurney in the elevator. Of course, there was not time for the epidural or anything. The fourth she had at home with HypnoBirthing and did have some pain, but NOTHING like her first two she said.
 

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Oh man how I love to hear stories like that, you guys!!! Yeah!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> Now I'm kind of excited to give birth just to see if you're lying!!! Just kidding!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Like Tiny, my first was a pitocin induced, AROM, shot of Nubain (during which I found out that I react badly to narcotics), episiotomy birth and let me tell you- my homebirth was a piece of cake! Read my birth story <a href="http://groups.msn.com/busybusymomma" target="_blank">here</a> if you want. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I left no room for any thoughts except that I was going to have the homebirth of my dreams. Period.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">regardless of how she feels about birth, her job was not to give you her opinion, but to validate your feelings of insecurity, the lack of ownership over your body and your experience, and your anxiety surrounding birth.</td>
</tr></table></div>
AMEN!!!<br><br>
And it sounds like tinyshoes is FAR more professional counselor than the one you saw (even think of going into practice??? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> ). I love the analogy of the person with the mall-phobia--what's the real word for fear of leaving the house? Agoraphobia?? It's been a couple years since Abnormal Psyc....<br><br>
ANYWAY, I just can't get over how unprofessional she was. I'm SO glad you were able to get the counsel and support you needed from your mw. They're the best, aren't they? I'm dealing with fear this pregnancy, but none that I've talked to anyone about. I plan on talking about them tomorrow with my mw. I know she'll be reassuring.<br><br>
And I whole-heartedly recommend the Birthing From Within book. Parts may be a bit "out there" for some (seemed pretty new-agey to me, so it took some mental stretching for me), but the info and perspective is so fresh, different, and interesting. Extremely helpful.<br><br>
Hope you got the ((((((hugs)))))))) you needed!!!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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*blush* thanks EmmaJean! Thanks for supporting my rantings, so that my post didn't seem like I was screaming about this 'counselor' for no reason!<br><br>
Yes, agorophobia, you are right <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">.<br><br><i>Love</i> your sig line--squeeze, squeeze, sqeeze!
 

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Smashing, i totally agree with the Birthing from Within Recommendations, and the Hypnobirthing. I used both, although in many ways, they oppose each other. Both are very useful in releasing fears. I kinda used self therapy when i was planning my 2nd birth/1st homebirth. One thing that I did was to go back and microanalyze my previous birth experience. My water broke first and then 3 hrs later, my induction began because i "wasn't moving fast enough". So I did this big essay that was basically "why this birth wasn't what I wanted it to be, and proof of why it was all due to interventions". Some people may not find this helpful, but it really helped me. I also analyzed what I had actually done wrong. I know that I was not assertive enough, I should have insisted on walking or at least sitting upright instead of laying in bed from the very start (they said the head was not engaged yet. i'll never know if that was true, but my suspicion is that it truly wasn't engaged, because it was 15 cm's and it took a good 2 hrs to push it past my tailbone). I shouldn't have just said okay when the nurse told me the dr had ordered pitocin. I shouldn't have said "okay if you're giving me meds anyway, give me pain meds too". Once my labor got started, I should have asked them to bump the pit down a little to see if i kept going on my own. Once the head was engaged, I should have asked to be able to get out of bed (or just DONE it LOL). You see where I'm going with this? I also went through how each intervention negatively impacted the birth, and how unfair it is that the nurses didn't offer better alternatives and such, but I also had to accept that parts of it were my fault too. Another thing that helped me, was that I was constantly reading up on the facts during my pregnancy. Birth stories, safety statistics, all of it. The more informed i got, the more empowered I became.<br>
And yes, my homebirth was TONS easier than my hospital birth. Between it being a second one anyway, plus no pitocin, being in the relaxed environment of my home, using water, staying active until transition, pushing when i felt like it, and being in any position I wanted, it was totally different. The first one hurt like hell. The second one was a painful but pleasant experience.<br>
Oh, and if you really do still want professional help in dealing with your fears, definitely ask your midwife, LLL, a hypnotherapist, etc for recommendations.
 
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