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We used a mediator - it was free.<br><br>
This was very helpful. We, actually, went back to the same mediator last October to discuss other things, too.
 

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In mediation - I tried to get stbx to agree to not introducing gf and bf (i didn't have one) to our dc. I was pretty much laughed at. Other than that it was pretty positive.
 

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Yes.<br><br>
My ex and I both had laywers and then we decided to negotiate on our own. I let my lawyer know (because we had a good relationship at that time and he was a very easy-going/non-cut-throat kind of lawyer). As soon as ex and I decided our own terms, he took it to his lawyer, had it drawn up, sent it to my lawyer and I signed.<br><br>
The more you work out without paying legal fees the better.<br><br>
Good luck.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>woo27ks</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7933427"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">In mediation - I tried to get stbx to agree to not introducing gf and bf (i didn't have one) to our dc. I was pretty much laughed at. Other than that it was pretty positive.</div>
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I think that's an 'ideal', but I don't think any judge would agree to that anyway.
 

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We tried on our own 1st. Didn't work. My recommendation if you is not to sign or agree to anything until you sleep on it, run it by someone close to you and run it by your lawyer. My problem was I somehow would get bullied into agreeing to stuff I wasn't comfortable with and not realize it until later. Then when I changed my mind he would get mad. Now anytime we have to discuss something I will hear him out and then say I will think about it and get back to him. That really helps.<br>
When it didn't work on our own, we had a 4-way meeting, us and our attorneys. This was not fun, but pretty helpful. Then we went back and forth on remaining issues via letters through the attorneys and had another 4-way meeting.<br>
Eventually this all worked. But it was long, drawn out, and expensive. For us, I'm not sure another way would have worked. He is a real bully.<br>
I definitely think it's worth trying on your own or in mediation 1st... depending on how well you think you can stand up for yourself. And again, give yourself the leeway to sit with something before you agree. And run everything through an attorney you trust.<br>
Some things are very hard, if not impossible, to change later.<br>
Oh... one more thing... learned this from my attorney and it really works. Always always always listen 1st. Ask what he wants, what he has in mind. It's much easier to negotiate when you know where he's coming from. And he may surprise you by asking for less than you were going to offer. Know in your own mind what you are and are not willing to compromise on, but don't let him know. Listen listen listen.<br>
Good luck to you!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>robinchap1</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7933964"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We tried on our own 1st. Didn't work. My recommendation if you is not to sign or agree to anything until you sleep on it, run it by someone close to you and run it by your lawyer. My problem was I somehow would get bullied into agreeing to stuff I wasn't comfortable with and not realize it until later. Then when I changed my mind he would get mad. Now anytime we have to discuss something I will hear him out and then say I will think about it and get back to him. That really helps.<br>
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ITA - I do this now - I wasn't withit enough to do this in the beginning.
 
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