neighbor told me her dh left bc I was breastfeeding

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Thats great!!! I could never be that clever in the heat of the moment!

OP - sorry that happened! How long ago was it? Any tension since then?

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instead of leaving the room, why dont you just hand him a blanket to put over his head so he cant see you nursing?

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I'd say that as well, without knowing her "tone" when she told you about her DH. My DH is so pro-Bfing as you can get and was very "vocal" if he felt someone was encroaching on me and my boys BFing. That being said he also knows that not all woman would feel comfortable with a stranger standing there while they nurse or that someone might prefer their "space" or heck after a wiggly nurser like I had, no distractions. So I probably wouldnt hold a grudge with him but might be a little peeved with her, again depending on "tone"

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THAT is really good. I will remember that one.

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You're right. That could be the case too. My bil and fil leave as soon as I nurse and probably bc they have no idea what they should be doing. Neither of their wives bf, and I am the only person that they know that has ever bf in their living room. I guarantee that. I just hope that my presence "normalizes'" it a bit.

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Well, her tone was more of a, "You should know not to nurse in front of a man" type reaction, BUT, I hate to second guess anyone's tone. I do like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, so maybe I will just think that's how it went or the alternative that her dh was uncomfortable and that is his issue. I've had another baby since then, and my woman neighbor is a little uncomfortable when I nurse too.

Sometimes I hang around pro bf moms/families so much, I FORGET what it is like out there. Out of the 4 moms on my block, I am the only one that bf. That's not very good odds for my neighborhood! I hang out w/ these moms when the weather is nice bc our children are riding their bikes and playing, but other than that, we're not bosom buddies (pun intended

One of my dearest friends, (ebf and her dh was very supportive) did thank me for putting on my nursing cover when at their house bc she knew it would make her dh feel uncomfortable if my breast became exposed. WHich has happened to me, I will add.

Thanks ladies!

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But don't you think that sort of passive-aggressive behaviour is rude? The man was uncomfortable watching her bf so he removed himself from the encounter. People are entitled to their feelings, and I don't think he acted in a rude manner.

ETA: Breastfeeding is a wonderful, natural event; but trying to force it on people who don't want to be exposed to it is, IMO, counterproductive to our goals.

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were you on his bench? i'm confused?

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Yup, I'd deliberately miss that point.

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We're not talking about the neighbor man's behavior, we're talking about his wife.

The top comment can be made in a completely innocent and polite sounding way. I think marching up to a new neighbor feeding her infant and scolding her for doing so because her husband decided to remove himself, is the rude behavior. Until that happened, everyone was quietly doing their own thing.

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I don't see how saying, "in case he did that to make me comfortable, please let him know it isn't necessary" is not force.

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This was suggested to me, but since my baby nursed ALL the time I noted that I might as well not visit at all; I'd never be in the same room. It was never brought up again.

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I think a lot of men aren't sure. They don't want to look at your breasts, but they are a bit uncomfortable. My FIL is like that. MIL BF all of their kids, and my SIL BF in front of everyone before I did, but he still gets a bit squigged out. Plus, I think some women would chastise their husbands for staying in the situation you described, so the guy pay have been torn about what to do since you were BF before he came over.

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Right, that's exactly what I meant. It seems unneccessary to point out that he was uncomfortable, unless it was clear that she wanted to make sure the the OP knew that he wasn't trying to be rude by leaving. Either way, my response works. If it was a situation where the wife wanted to make sure her husband didn't come off rude, the comment assures her that you didn't find it rude. If she was trying to shame, then it makes it more difficult by being kind and deflecting it. Neighbor would have to raise the "coming off like a b!tch" stakes in order to clarify that she was, indeed, trying to shame the OP.

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Oh, ok. Sorry; I misread the initial post

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Saying that and meaning it is fine but saying it in a deliberately obtuse way seems wrong to me.

By "force", I don't mean holding someone's eyelids open a la "Clockwork Orange" and making them watch someone breastfeeding! lol I just meant the advice to deliberately misunderstand the source of this man's discomfort is a sort of "in your face" gesture. Negating the feelings of another person who is uncomfortable having a bf'er is not nice and counterproductive.

But that's neither here nor there as I misread the initial post

I understand how you must feel, and here's my take on the situation from an outsiders perspective. It sounds like he left because he wanted to give you your privacy, and the wife informed you in hopes that you wouldn't have felt offended by his sudden disappearance. I don't think it was because HE was offended, he was just trying to be courteous and I don't think they had any idea it would be offensive to you in doing so. If I read the post right, it doesnt make sense to me that he would have said hello in the first place if he was the one that was offended. Of course I can't hear the womans tone of voice either. Was she saying it in a mean way like "thanks a lot, my husband can't be here because you're being obscene." or was it more of an explanation for his behavior like "in case you were wondering why my husband did a disappearing act, he was just trying to give you some privacy."

I am all for breastfeeding, I think a woman should be able to do it anywhere anytime. But I can also understand from a different perspective these days that a lot of people just arent 'used' to being around it. If a man isnt used to being around it, and hes standing there alone with another woman who is doing it, he's bound to feel a little shy or unsure of how to act so therefore it may be easier for him to just leave. I hope I didn't make you feel unsupported in my post in any way, just trying to offer another perspective. I didn't read any of the other posts.